Relapsing on my favorite past time

Well shit. I relapsed, day four. Not a bad one, but still a relapse. I rewarded myself again. I bough a Sixpack and I consumed it, thinking I was worth it because yadayada… Just throwing it out there. Three days was relatively easy and then BAM , I felt good and crashed. I know this is stupid and I want to reclimb that horse, but tomorrow is Saturday and I know it is going to be hard to avoid the same error again… I dunno. Sobriety feels good, but it leads me to rewarding myself. Any reward system that does lot include beer is much appreciated…

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What are some things you like to do, healthy things that is?
For me, I like to spend time with the wife, go for a drive and take in the beautiful scenery, go get ice cream, out to dinner w friends, shopping, buying shoes, go to beautiful places that has a view to remember, spend time w friends and family, hang w my 6 yr old nephew, flea market, go for a walk. All these things can be rewarding, to me, they are. I know I wasnt able to do half that shit when I was out there. I either didnt have the money or too drunk or high to do it or remember it. Have an open mind and look at things differently.

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I would drink lightly on my first day off, drink heavily on the next. I would hate myself on the 3rd and swear I wouldn’t drink again for x amount of time. Then by the time my days off would come around, I’d go right back to drinking because I felt oh it’s ok I was so good for the last 4. I totally used alcohol as a reward.

I decided to first tell my biggest enabler that I wasn’t drinking and don’t pressure me to. Second, fill my days off with so much (rewarding) stuff that I wouldn’t be anxious trying to avoid going to a brewery. Finding new hobbies, rediscovering old ones, rewarding myself with ice cream or anything sweet, coming on here to check in, cleaning, exercising, only thinking that if I can get through this day off sober, I will be good. It’s really only certain days that trigger me. So on those days I put more energy into focusing on what I want, what I’m trying to accomplish and that I only need to do it for today. Then repeat that the next day.

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It’s Saturday today, I hope you wake up, check this forum, read something inspiring and readjust your day to fit your sober needs. Being fully aware and present for the whole day, getting things accomplished, and going to bed with a clear head could be your goals, just for today.

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The reward is sobriety itself. Kinda like the reward for exercise is getting a better body or the reward for eating healthy is losing weight. By drinking as a reward you are harming yourself, mentally, physically and spiritually. I don’t know about you, but when I achieve something I don’t want my reward to kill me.

“Hey Derek, congrats on getting married, here’s some liver failure!”

“Gee, thanks! Do think for my birthday I can have some cancer?”

Sounds pretty ridiculous right? Well, that’s basically what you are doing to yourself. If all I ever got was clean as a result of not drinking that would be such a great life for me. Thankfully I do AA so I get blessings (spiritual rewards) on a daily basis. It’s definitely not the only way to go, but my Lord has it helped me in more ways than imaginable.

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Thank you for your support! I went on a short spree, but today is Tuesday, and I have been sober for 50+ hours. Feels good🙂.

I definitely don’t want my reward to kill me, but my brain wants the imminent satisfaction and is most times incapable of finding the long run health benefit to be anything more than boredom and restlessness.

I like to exercise to keep healthy (paradoxically) :wink:

Our brain is a funny creature. Once the alcohol takes hold it wants more, even though we know that it will harm us. Part of alcoholism is how it affects our flight or fight response. Once the disease progresses we stop making decisions with our front love (logic and reasoning) and revert to relying on our old brain which has us basically focus on survival (drinking)

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Bordem and restlessness are two huge things that get me in my head and make me feel like something is wrong and I need to do something to get out of it. And usually the easiest way for me to relax and just be would be to drink.

My mind is always racing. And alcohol dulled that for me a lot. I’m really trying to take all my thoughts and focus on what I want and the steps to achieve them vs trying to shut them up with drinking.

Working out is such a great release but it’s not possible to just constantly be working out all day. Soooo I need to set my focus on other things as well.

Btw, depending on your exercise/physique goals, you could start following some YouTubers that fit your ideal physique or exercise style and really start to learn some new things.

Tuesday is a good day for you :hibiscus:

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Update! This last week I ran my first half marathon, had a job interview and finished my master’s degree. All while drinking at night time. Though not drinking half as much as I usually do. I aim to kick the habit altogether, as I know that it controls me more than I control it, however, I feel that i am getting somewhere without cold turkeying it like I’ve tried so many times before. Is there anyone out there that just grew tired of the booze and had an easy time giving it up? Kinda hoping that’s what’s happening here, but I know that’s a long shot

I feel like I’ve had a fairly easy time STAYING sober. But honestly the ONLY thing that ever stopped me from drinking before was being pregnant. I’ve tried to stop many many times before. This is the first time in probably 13 years that I’ve gone an extended period of time without drinking just because I wanted to be sober.

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I totally agree. I was so relieved when I found out that I was pregnant with my second child, because I knew I would quit for that period of time. Things that should make one realize one is an alcoholic…

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