Not sure what to do I’m 42 days sober and if I have a bad day which usually consists of me spending too much time in my head dwelling on things I usually have no control over anyways or just thinking negative thoughts about myself and when I try to talk about it with my wife she seems to get really annoyed with me… how do I get a more positive outlook?
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We can expect a lot out of our spouses. I find it’s really helpful To my marriage to have someone outside of it to talk to. Are there counselors in your area?
My counselor gave me an old Catholic trick to help with my negative thinking and control my negative thoughts. All day I’d sit and think and tell myself how much I hated life, hated this, hated that…
She had me read a verse (or any positive thing) and pick a word each morning that resonated with me. Then ask myself, why is this resonating? What does God (in any form) want me to learn from this word?
Then during the day when I’d start to get super negative, I’d say the word and remember what I had thought about this morning. I also started a graditude journal. I’d write down three things I was thankful for. Good or bad. I’m thankful for my house, I’m thankful for my negative thinking, I’m thankful that I am a work in progress.
Overtime, it really helped me break my habit of being stuck in negative thought patterns!
Hope this helps!!
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Hi @KyleRob81
Usually, I’ll find others to talk to for support. Particularly with my addiction, sharing about negative thoughts and emotions would trigger my wife to get upset. Because she’s has an emotional attachment with me, it’s hard for her to always be fully supportive. So I draw additional support from other friends, men who understand.
I feel you, that happens with me at home. “Why can’t you just be happy about the little things?” Like other ppl said, even tho it would be a dream if we could share everything with our spouses, it is often unrealistic to expect that and you might consider spreading your thoughts out amongst a few other ppl or groups. It does blow when the person you count on most is unreachable, but maybe she’s worn out right now and needs a break from everything being so heavy. Perhaps it’s a temporary thing and you’ll be able to get back to sharing deeper thoughts again someday if you let her rest a bit. I also wonder what would happen if you acknowledged to her that you’ve been relying heavily on her, thank her for everything, and tell her you’ll give her a break from it for a while. She may just feel unappreciated right for what she thinks she’s doing to help you and may need some encouragement for effort, or she may not realize how off-putting her responses are and start being more mindful of how she acts towards you. Either way, you express gratitude and she feels appreciated, and she had the open invitation to be proactive while you let her know you’ll back off and seek support from other sources. Does that make sense? Don’t push her away, but give her relief if she wants to take it. She may actually become more involved in supporting you. Dunno, just a thought. Oh, and ppl always say to tell them what you need from them before launching into a sensitive conversation, like “i just need you to listen,” but for me its easier said than done since my deep thoughts tend to come up organically and spontaneously. Maybe you can prepare her before you get heavy so she’s not blindsided.
I’m sorry, this is a stream of consciousness and i haven’t had enough coffee yet, lol.
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I find that when I keep my hands busy (chopping veggies for a salad, working on a hobby, cleaning or organizing), it puts my head in a different place. I’m more mindful (focusing on what I’m doing at that moment)
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I find talking to an outside source and someone who has been where you have been has also helped. I think our spouses don’t really understand how to help us. My husband has been wonderful, but my problem is I haven’t went into detail of everything. Good luck and we are here for you
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Talk to us about it. Of better yet, go to a meeting and talk about it. Bottom line is that it takes an alcoholic to understand and help another alcoholic. So if your wife isn’t one, she can’t understand it. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t love and support you by any means.
Huge congrats on the 42 days!!!
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