12 days Today! The light in my eyes has come back and I’m feeling so much better physically. Mentally and emotionally are, I’d say even keel and I say that with much gratitude. The most challenging part of this recovery is not even with alcohol which I’m amazed and wary of, since I havent had any real desire to drink even after triggers come and go. It’s rebuilding my relationship with my girlfriend. We’ve lived together for over 2 years. She’s seen me at my worst and I’ve caused her some serious panic and anxiety in my drunk times. I was on the edge of losing her entirely and I was so foggy from the daily drinking, I didnt realize just how seriously close I was to losing the best part of my life. Thank the universe she is still here for me to repent and make amends with her! So here’s the tough part… She is not in a place to trust me yet as I have failed to keep some promises about my drinking in the past. It’s very hard for me to “hold space” and bear with the colder side of her mistrust which I understand completely. Remembering what it was like when she was open and warm makes me want that back with all my heart! As part of my morning routine to set my intentions for the day, I’ve added writing a little note to go with her coffee every morning. I think it helps me too because it keeps that focus in my mind of why I can’t go back to my drinking habits. But I also want her to know how much I’m working on true change. They’ve been received with little response or warmth as of yet. That’s hard for me to bear. So does anyone have any advice on “holding space” for that time when I feel like this? I’m determined to be patient with her as she has been so much for me. Is there any other ideas of positive things I can do to re establish my place of trusted boyfriend in her eyes? Besides the obvious choice of sobriety of course! 
Thank you for being here with me and staying strong on the path of sobriety even when we have weak times. 
In our active addiction, we’ve proved to our family and friends that we can’t be trusted. Our words became nothing but vile lies that fooled no one but ourselves. Trust will take time to gain back. 12 days sober is an awesome achievement and you should be proud of it. Our lives ones do not see it like that. Twelve days to them is a drop of water in the Pacific Ocean. They know we’ve changed by our actions. Do the very best you can to show them you’re serious. Don’t say oh wow aren’t you proud of me for not drinking? After we’ve been sober for a while, (that time varies greatly) they will notice the change on us. Sobriety must be done for ourselves though. We can’t do it for someone else because that means it for them. It’s what initially starts our sober journey but it’s a never ending walk. Let time heal the wounds we’ve created. Even at 441 days clean, my wife still has worries especially when I’m not feeling well, because dope made me sick all of the time. If you crave, talk to someone, come here and post. NEVER CRAVE ALONE
I agree and I’m aware that just because it feels like a miracle to me that I have 12 days, it is a short time to expect Her to accept that I’ve made it all right in that short time. This time its 100% for me to live sober. I just wanted to address my struggle with being patient and accepting that hard truth that it will take as long as it takes to get that love and trust back. And I’m looking for healthy ways to alleviate the bad feeling that comes with having to be patient. Thank you for your words @Wunderbar I will definitely call out if I get in a bad way and struggle with reaching for that drink!
And this is the platform to express your feelings. Here you can wear your emoticons on your sleeves and will get support from us OR “hey dummy pull your head out of your ass” if the situation fits. From what I’ve seen so far, you’re on the path you need to be on.
Just keep apologizing until she says you don’t need to any longer. Keep telling her how awesome you feel, getting better at getting better each and every day. Tell her you decided to be better, and she’s a huge motivation to get better. Tell her you want to be a better everything: partner, employee, person, and although it’s taken a lot of time and tears, you finally get it: Better starts with sober.
Then keep getting better at getting better each and every day. Better today than you were yesterday and tomorrow better still.
Once she sees this as the real new and improved you, she’ll come around.
The thing is…you gotta get after it. No retreat. No surrender.
You speak as if the FORCE is coursing through your veins.
I feel that alot. She’s my light. That pursuit you speak about is, I feel very helpful in keeping my own accountability everyday and the writing on the wall about why I can’t turn back or stumble into alcoholism again. Thank you for your encouragement and motivation!
Or maybe just laying out what I did to get Mrs. Yoda back on the team. I had to show her that she wasn’t going to buy another season ticket for a losing season.
True Story!! Thank you for the good words and I agree that if she just came back and treated the situation as “normal” I wouldn’t be having the discomfort and a reminder/memory of what it’s like if I’m not on my game. It would be easier to get back into complacent behavior and slippery slope back into drinking.
I feel it doesn’t matter so much what you say but rather what you do, if you have spent a long time behaving a certain way, it’s going to take a long behaving a new way to set that precedent.
My relationship of 10 years was always a roller coaster because of my substance abuse, I am coming up 2 months sober now, and we are rekindling out relationship after 6 months apart. She has seen a huge change in me, but we are taking it slow. I am not trying to prove anything to her. Having 6 months apart was the best thing that could have happened, I hit rock bottom during that time but it was that which was the initial spark I needed to sort my life out.
I’d say take it slow, give space where needed, continue working on yourself, for yourself.
When my girlfriend started distancing herself from spending our usual time together around day 3 of my choice to be sober I was hit hard with reality of that being a permanent way it would go and that was my rock bottom too. Thankfully we didn’t have a total separation but I would have understood if she wanted that. Time and patience is definitely the key. I’m looking forward to getting closer with her as she sees my change and evolution as well. Thank you for the input!
Maybe a meeting might help helped me wish you well