I’ve been with this guy for 22 years and now with me being 144 days clean and he’s not my relationship has come to an end I feel really lost and confused why wasn’t I enough for him to want to get clean and show our kids a better life


Your sobriety comes first and if he loves you then he will respect that. It’s quiet simple

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I feel so alone because I tried so hard to keep us together and for him not having a problem walking away from his family is killing me


Sadly active addiction of any kind can only be broken by oneself when ready, it does not mean that you are not enough for them is just the way it is I’m afraid :frowning:


I’m very sorry to hear this. We can’t force others to change unless they’re ready. Don’t forget that YOU are creating a better, healthier version of yourself for you AND your children. Stay strong and persevere :heartpulse:

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You can’t force him to be sober. You are sober and that is all you can do. Go forward and be the best person for yourself and best parent for your kids. Maybe your partner will change but it will have to be for himself.

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22 years is a long time for a relationship, and for it to end now, that’s really hard. I am truly sorry to hear that.

When we are in recovery, it’s hard to see why or how anyone would throw away their life for drink or drug, and yet, it happens all the time.

In active addiction, we dont understand how anyone can ask us to change our ways, because we feel WE are NOT the problem (spoiler alert, we are).

I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through, but you will be ok as long as you stay sober, that I know.


I lost a 22 year relationship just before I got sober. Not because of my drinking really. Sometimes we love the wrong person at the wrong time or for the wrong reasons.

It was very sad. Of course I still think of him and wish him happiness despite his bad actions.

However my life is better now. My new partner makes my life so much happier and I am working hard to make our life better together.

I also recently lost my father who sank into addiction and I think I let the same sense of betrayal you are speaking of haunt me too long. I wish I had understood more. I hope you can be there as a kind presence for him without endangering your children or going against your values.


Hi… Someone who truly loves you and thinks the world of you won’t just be in a relationship with you for 22 years then walk out especially now that you cleaned up.
I think you should concerntrate on the kids,spend more time with them,create good memorable moments with them to take loneliness away and someone who worth your love might come alone unexpectedly.

I’m in a similar situation. My wife is currently deciding if she wants to work on our relationship now that I’m sober. Don’t get me wrong, I did bad shit while I was drinking. I too don’t understand how we can’t move forward together. I’m hoping it’s not too little too late especially when all of our problems were from my drinking. When I was not drinking we were wonderful together.