I recently got out of a relationship that I jumped into looking for any amount of attention I guess when I first got clean 70 days ago. I was just lonely and knew that but still it was nice just having that attention and person to talk too and worry about you. I heard you aren’t supposed to date or that it’s frowned upon in the first year of recovery? Anybody have any experience in this? I just want to know if I should just be turning dates and stuff down or not before the opportunity comes up. I don’t like this whole idea but I definitely understand it I guess. It just seems so appealing to me now that I’m sober for some reason.
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Merv, alcoholic. 9 months sober from alcohol to the day.
70 days is a good chunk, congrats. I think the idea of not dating right away comes from the thought that we are still in the rebuilding phase, and any exterior stressors could trigger a relapse.
I wanted nothing to do with dating for the first 6 months or so, but started getting antsy around that time. I was introduced to a sober girl from a friend and we text nearly daily and went out once. Major age difference that was not mentioned but it was all good. We still talk.
2 weeks ago I met the girl of my dreams while on vacation who is not sober, but definitely has her life together. Also, there would likely have been zero chance of us having the connection we ended up having if I was still drinking because of how reckless I would have been on the trip. She knows my struggle and said she finds it very attractive that I take sobriety seriously.
I completely understand missing the companionship, and you’ll know when you’re ready. Dont confuse wanting relations with wanting a relationship, though. We do need to take a lot of time for ourselves to heal and grow. Listen to your sponsor if you have one as best you can, but I dont exactly agree with the 1 year grace period either. Give it time and it will come naturally, I promise you.
Much love.
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Focus solely on your recovery so you don’t repeat old patterns and drag old relationship issues into the new one. It does no one good until you’ve done the work on yourself first. Otherwise, you’re just holding someone hostage (dating for all the wrong reasons). If you’re feeling lonely and looking for attention, there’s work to be done.
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