I don’t know what drives me to do it. Every time something stupid happens. I blacked out before even leaving for a bar. Luckily someone returned my phone and wallet.
I’ve definitely “improved” moving from 1-2 weekdays to every few weekends. But I just can’t kick it for good. I want to but I’m addicted, and I wrestle every Friday night with my delusional self.
I live alone and am scared of what could happen. They say you can control the first drink… I can’t even control that much. I’m going to a different AA meeting tomorrow. The last one didn’t take me very seriously being younger and not rock bottom.
It’s a temporary fix, but you MUST keep yourself busy with things that do not involve booze on weekends, at least that’s what I’ve found helpful. It may not be a glamorous, fun night out, but planning to do grocery shopping, meal prep, chores, or a workout on fridays and saturdays seems like it breaks my cycle of getting home on friday and immediately starting to drink. The idea of not being able to relax/have fun without alcohol is an insidious one for me, but forcing myself to be productive has saved my ass more than once!
You know what you have to do my friend. You fight those urges.
You “play the tape through”. Every time you fight the urges with how your going to feel after.
Write it down somewhere so you don’t forget.
You give in and admit that you have no control.
When I stopped this time,I found this app.
The main jist I got from the advice that everyone gave was you have to totally surrender to the fact that you have no control.
Be prepared to change your life.
That is precisely what I did. I’ve worked hard and made sacrifices and stepped outside my comfort zone. I gave myself completely to the process of stopping. Whatever I had to do
I no longer feel that I have “lost anything” I have gained a life.
Be prepared to do anything!
There is plenty of information on this forum as to how you can beat those urges.
Things you can do to distract yourself.
Stop thinking like an addict and start thinking like a fighter!
Thanks. It’s just easy to forget after a few weeks. You start feeling better and let your guard down. It’s a horrible monster. Why do we allow this crap in society.
I hear you buddy.
So lesson learnt, don’t forget!
And as to why society allows it? It’s not our place to ask. Accept that it’s there and also accept that your not part of it. Honestly mate, your not going to miss anything.
Life is better without it.
And there is a whole segment of recovery culture now where people are getting sober before losing everything. You don’t have to lose everything to make a decision not to poison yourself anymore. Annie Grace and Sobriety Starts Here are good examples of this on YouTube.
You gave some good advice here. I started a book that says you must change your mentality from “i cant drink like everyone else” to “i chose not to drink for a better life” when you think you’re giving up something, it triggers some part of your brain. I think the book is rational recovery.
@Nullcorp i understand you. I had 18 days and also let my guard down. For now i intend to plan every part of my day. And a new thing, find alcohol free restaurants, avoid certain streets and go to supermarkets far from home, bc i have a liq store right across. You can do this!!! I believe in you😁
I’m just trying to figure out what the answer is. I’m frustrated. I don’t want to resort to antibuse or something else. I want to figure out why my super logical rational brain goes down this road. Over and over again.
You don’t want to resort to something that can help? No offense at all, but you’ve tried to figure it out yourself for awhile now and you haven’t been able to. Maybe it’s time to try some other things.
According to science it’s because your conscious and subconscious are not working together on sobriety. Highly recomnend the book This Naked Mind…a real eye opener and invites us to critically explore our personal beliefs around what we believe alcohol does for us.
I’ve listened to all the audiobooks. They’re pretty good. Maybe I’m just not taking this seriously enough. I’ll gather all this resolve and then it slips away. Maybe I need to live eat and breathe recovery. I hate to give something so much energy, because I feel like that means it rules my life, but what else can I do.
I like Annie Grace. Now I’m also listening to Kenneth Anderson. Its nice to hear some alternative perspectives.
@nullcorp Remember its important not to get upset at yourself after a slip up. Write down what went wrong. Write down what you could have done to keep yourself safer.
You let drinking rule your life.
Getting sober is a full time occupation at first, untill you get stronger.
You can’t expect to just say " I’m not drinking".
Your addiction is going to fight you you have to fight harder. You have to arm yourself!
Even when you’re sober for years it can still get through your defense if you become complacent.
Have a search on here. There are people with long term sobriety who have let their guard down.
Some people like to fight. I prefer to surrender. Surrender to the fact that my brain, my willpower, my best thinking will not keep me sober. Surrender to the fact that I am an addict, and I cannot do this by myself. Surrender to the will of a loving, caring higher power-something that I believe has my best interests in mind because so often my super “logical” and “rational” brain does not.
Surrender the idea that there is anything good about drinking, or using, or that its normal, or that it’s someone else’s fault.
Surrender to a new way of living that is healthy and doesn’t involve drinking or using.
I only share what I know and what I’ve tried. Your experience may be different.
Good luck out there, friend.
In the early days I stopped working for 5 months, went to an outpatient detox, spent 10 days in the hospital, the did IOP for 4 months. All of this was necessary for me. In those 5 months I learned to draw, I read everyday (mostly non recovery stuff, fiction, stuff I love, stuff for ME), I colored stress relieving pages, I did anything that would occupy my mind and my hands. My last day of IOP was the day before I went back to work. A month after I went back to work I got in this forum because I wasn’t living my recovery everyday. I haven’t missed a day on here since I joined.
All of that was ground work for where I am today. In the beginning, on my first day of recovery, I told myself, “never again!” I didn’t dwell on that, but that was the choice I made. Since that day one, my first day of recovery (not sobriety), I have had zero relapses. Now at 21+ months I don’t have to live and breathe recovery everyday, every second. The foundation was and is solid enough that I can live my life how I choose without committing every second to staying sober.
But, I still come here everyday so that I stay grounded and to never forget that the moment I step away from recovery, all my hard work will go to shit. It’s simply a part of my life now, not a chore or a hardship.
Commit with EVERYTHING you have. Eventually it gets easier and simpler.
Exactly. This is working for me. The first couple of months I totally committed myself to just getting through each day.
I was tired, mentally and physically every day.
I literally just worked,bath, bed, whilst mentally preparing myself for the road ahead.
I have over the last couple of weeks seemed to have come out of a daze and am finding myself more able to function. Not saying I didn’t before, it’s almost like a veil has been lifted.
I still work to remember where I was nearly 4 months ago, that’s never going to happen again,but I wake each morning and bless the fact that I’m still sober and will be today.
This has been a life changing journey. But I came into it with a totally open mind and willing to do absolutely anything to get and stay sober.
Open eyes, heart and mind are absolutely necessary. And the willingness to do ANYTHING, truly ANYTHING, is the most important key. Allowing ourselves to be far out of our comfort zone, and accepting what comes with it, is just as important.
I’ve been keeping an eye on you man, your journey is strong. Keep being an example!
