When will I learn that I can’t drink like normal people?
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Great question. I think it took me almost 10 years to realize it after trying all sorts of stupid moderation techniques. I hope it doesnt take anyone else that long.
If you enjoy reading or can listen to an audio book.
Allen Carrs “easy way to quit drinking” really helped me.
Others on this site rave about Annie Grace’s “This Naked Mind”
If you feel you need more support than that meeting up with a group of likeminded people can be even more helpful.
AA
SMART
Refuge For Recovery
Celebrate Recovery
Either in person or online meetings are available.
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In my experience, when something catastrophic happens and you lose something or someone that you can’t get back.
With alcohol it’s just a matter of time before it happens.
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For me it was the decision from 'I don’t want to live anymore ’ to ‘I don’t want to live like this anymore’.
When you will understand, it’s in your time? Hopefully sooner than later. A very important thing for me was to leave my victim position in life and take responsibility for my actions. Reaching out for help and actually listening to them. Trust people who are actually sober. A lot of fear was involved as I was soooo fucking scared to leave my shitty place. I liked my shitty place. It was mine and I knew it. Sobriety was scary, new.
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Sorry been thinking about your question some more and I have another response.
What is your idea of a normal drinker? And is that really what you want?
My wife is what I consider a normal drinker.
Her birthday was May 13th. She received a bottle of Skinny Margarita and a bottle of Petron Tequila.
They have both been sitting on top of my fridge since her birthday. She decided to have a glass of the skinny Margarita on Friday night while working on her lesson plans.
She added some rasberries to it for some flavor. She never finished the drink. She didnt really like the flavor. She threw away about half a glass and hasnt had a drink of it since. The bottle isin our fridge right now.
I asked her just now. When will she drink it again… She is not sure when. She said when she does try it again she will try it without the rasberries and if she still doesnt like it she will throw away the bottle.
Do you see yourself as someone who could just not even think about the next time you might drink? I certainly can’t. Everytime I ever tried to moderate I was thinking about alcohol every single day. It never stopped until I was back to drinking regularly.
When I finally eliminated alcohol as an option it freed my mind up to think about so many other things.
Yes I understand the first 30 to 90 days you might still think about it every day but give yourself the chance to remove this obsession from your life. If you dont like abstaining from alcohol it will always be there for you in the future.
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You said this perfectly. It is incredibly liberating becoming a non-drinker. So much more to contemplate and reflect on outside of if/when/how much/should I/what if/etc. I drink. You’ll decide to get sober when things get bad enough, whatever that looks like, or you love yourself and others enough to ditch the poison and live to your potential.
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Normal is your wife. I can’t have alcohol without drinking it all. I need to get clean so I can help others
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Hopefully sooner than later. When I finally accepted that I couldn’t drink like a normal person, I felt a huge weight off my shoulders. It was still difficult to stay sober in the beginning, but knowing I just couldn’t do it again, I had no power over it, that really helped keep me sober (& helps keep me sober).
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Babbs there will come a time when you will get sickk and tired of being sick and tired and a light switch will happen, only you can do this all the support in the world won’t stop you if you don’t fully want it, don’t beat yaself up dusts yaself off and continue that light switch moment will happen don’t loss faith.
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I know exactly what you mean.
Alcohol didnt last anymore than a few days in my house. If I was still actively drinking my wife would have probably drank the whole bottle of skinny margarita the next day to make sure I didnt get it. I would have drank the whole bottle of tequila. Unless I pressured her into having a drink with me later in the week before I finished off the bottle.
You just need to have faith that you can have a better life without alcohol. Then start adding tools to put not drinking into action.
This app is a great support to start. What are you willing to add as support if you slip up again?
Online AA, In person AA,IOP, Rehab?
No need to answer that question on the forum but think about it.
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You already know you can’t. Lack of Knowledge is not your problem. Lack of action is what keeps tripping you up
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If “normal” means escaping from reality, or reliance on alcohol or other substances to cope with life, I want to be the most abnormal dude around.
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Thank you for this share. Reminds me of my husband and myself. No bottle would last more than a day or two if I was drinking. The hubs is like your wife. Wishing I can be like them cements that I can’t because no one should “hope” to be able to drink normally.
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Just keep resetting and coming back. You and I will do it.
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Day 1 for me here — I pledge to stay sober for today and worry about tomorrow - tomorrow. I will not drink alcohol with you today!
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Desire and effort if you have these then your on your way , its easy to keep saying that this time it will be different ,put you hand in the fire get burnt so why put it in again expecting a different result wish you well
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Sounds like you already know this. The true question is when will you stop listening to that little voice in your head? I would tell mine to f@#$ off…litterally!
It seems hard in the beginning, and honestly…its really hard. For me, everytime I told that voice to “fuck off, I am not drinking!” It got easier.
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Really recommend this book. It completely changes your outlook and really brings truth to what you’re putting in your body. Totally helped minimize my desire to drink. You can only have so much will power if you still WANT to drink and are constantly fighting it. But if you no longer want to then it’s not such a battle. This book was the first step on helping me remove the desire. I’m not totally there yet. But. Progress.
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Thank you everyone! I knew I could count on you guys. I’m hitting a meeting this evening and it will help me get my mind right.