Roller-coaster happy then ashamed

I managed 20 days sober in September then had a stupid relapse when we had visitors come to say for a night, I showed myself up as I usually do, went to bed not remembering anything and somehow had to work my way through the embarrassing next day. Since then I’ve had 2 really good weeks with no drinking, starting a new job which I really like and being happy then tonight happened :frowning: I went in my sons room, who is 24, to ask him to go to the shop for milk etc and lying on the bed was a half bottle of vodka. I don’t have to say anymore apart from why am I like this? My sons are pissed off with me, i’m so pissed off with me and so far my partner doesn’t know but probably soon will. I wish I had that forever off switch because life is so much better sober. Tonight I am back to loathing myself again :frowning:

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You have to keep hitting a wall to learn it hurts. Eventually you will learn to swerve or hit the brakes. Your sons might be ashamed of you but they need to help by keeping alcohol out of the house and that’s a fact!

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Hitting a brick wall is such a good way of putting it because it does feel like it everytime. I’ve had a taste of what sober feels like and much prefer it to this pathetic person I feel today. It’s horrible being back at day one that in its self puts me in a low mood but once again I will start again.

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I’m done every time but still manage to ignore the signs. The few sober weeks I’ve had recently have been an eye opener into what life can be like without alcohol. Why oh why do I let it back in my life when I hate it so much? I’m on day one again feeling shit and loathing myself but I know when I get passed a few days life will be better again. Yes I’m definitely done

I heard a lot of advice on this forum. What sticks with me is Sobriety is not only living abstinent. If you only use your willpower to stay away from alcohol you won’t succeed in the long run. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and you can’t fight it with sheer willpower. Sobriety needs a recovery program. Doesn’t matter wich or what you chose but you have to work on your sobriety. There’s a lot of wonderful advise and wisdom on here. Read through all the different threads and find some insperation. I’m glad you’re here. We can do it together :+1:

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Thankyou. I come on here everyday when I’m feeling low and vulnerable and it always helps. I know I get too complacent when things are going well and I don’t think to come on here as much. I go to AA on a Monday night but think I’ll try a 2nd one this week. I’m feeling really low today plus I have a cold but have work in an hour so trying desperately to pick myself up. I hate letting my sons down I’m so scared one day they will give up on me. All the more reason to beat this evil addition.

Absolutely @Willow don’t give up the fight! Be a the tough mum and show them you’re fighting. Talk with them. I think that’s most important. Let them k ow about your addiction and the fight you fight. If you attending AA already then do more meetings, make sober friends there and ask for support. I’m sorry you have such a bad day today but make it the beginning of a new life. Start right now. Get better by getting better, that’s what I hear on here quite often and it really sticks with me! I believe in you.

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There’s a reason they suggest 90 meetings in 90 days. It’s so you can learn to retrain your brain and create healthy habits. I’ve seen you try literally everything else to get sober and none of it has even come close to working. I really hope you don’t have to lose everything before you realize what you need to do, but sometimes that’s what it takes. It sure seems like you are on that path.

I was literally shooting dope 24/7 before I got clean. After rehab I lived with people in active addiction for 4 months. I don’t even think about getting high or drunk and haven’t in a long time. You know what the different is between you and me? Not a goddamn thing. Nothing. There’s nothing stopping you from getting sober, except for the fact that you aren’t willing to put in the work, and I was.

It’s pretty clear you can’t stop on your own. It’s pretty clear that doing this half assed doesn’t work. You see how plenty of us get sober. You know what to do.

I can’t give you the willingness, but God can.

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Hey Willow -

I’m always glad to see you pop up here. I wish you would check in when things are going well too. Don’t wait for things to fall apart to reach out.

I’m going to have to agree with @Englishd here. Sweetie, you are not going to be able to get sober on your own. Some folks can; you and I are not those people. I gotta be honest here. There is no way one or two meetings a week would keep me sober, and I’m coming up on six months. For me, I have to have daily reminders why I cannot drink. The compulsion is much better than it used to be, but I still have rough days. You know what I do when they come? I reach out to other women in my program. A couple of weekends ago I was in a bad place. I was home by myself with my kids, I was tired and lonely, and I was really stressed out. I unexpectedly found a bottle of vodka I had hidden months before and forgotten about. The easy way to feel better, right? But my rule has to be that I will not drink today - no matter what. I poured it out. I went for a walk… I called six people who did not answer. I finally reached a friend who I met on here, and she talked me through it. I would have called 30 if I had to. I cannot - cannot - drink again.

You have do decide that you will not drink - no matter what. But Willow? You don’t have to do it alone. You can get and stay sober. I know you want to. Hell, I know you have to. But you have to decide that you will not drink today - no matter what.

We’re all behind you. Use us for support. Don’t wait until you have taken that first drink.:heart:

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Hi ya nice to hear from you. I have been to my AA group again tonight and enjoy going. I could possibly go to one more meeting a week but definitely not every day. I have got myself a new job which I’m really enjoying plus I’ve started a little job from home with my sister and between the two jobs it doesn’t leave me enough time for anymore. I’m happy working and when I’m happy life is good and I don’t even want to drink. I’ve bought the AA book and am reading it through plus I watch AA meetings on YouTube so doing all I can. I honestly couldn’t do 90 in 90 Englishd not because I don’t want to but I physically couldn’t fit it in but I am fully focused on staying sober.

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You would be surprised what you are able to do when you get desperate enough. Don’t underestimate yourself.