Rough day of complete lonliness

The highs that should feel good, almost feels like I am void of emotion but lonliness.
Came home from work from being around others and just really wanted a whisky on the rocks.

I didn’t bring my bottle out, just made a tea and stared into the void of my new herb garden. Snails are eating my Thai basil and I feel that it internally. I’m trying to keep something alive but little snails are destroying it, totally unrelated yet related.
I feel so pathetic that people can just go and be with their lives even when recovering from severe trauma. An addiction was always my crutch for said trauma. Now I feel the spark gone and everything coming back in peices which I thought I had processed.
I miss my family but I also wish they weren’t toxic and I wish I could start again and have a family without passing on the vicious cycle.
I wish I could travel, own a house or even have a fucking driver’s licence.
I can’t help but compare myself to a well adjusted 20 something year old.

Today is not fun, wouldn’t recommend.

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It really feels that writing my emotions here and not burdening my close friends who try to understand what I am going through. Back of my mind I still feel like I’m burdening complete strangers.
It’s messed up how much self loathing I have naturally.
Thank you for the support regardless.

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I really like this perspective.
When I was a kid I collected snails, loved them so much. Until I had a bad dream that they escaped from their enclosure and I got out of bed suddenly in my dream and squished all of them.
As an adult I have cried everytime I acidentally step on one, I feel so much guilt.
Hence why I don’t poison them, they are beautifully fascinating creatures.

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Snails…

Save your eggshells and crush and sprinkle them on top of the soil. Remove any snail or slug that is already on the plant.

Get something from the garden that is spikey, like Holly leaves, rose bush stems or any other thorney spikey plant, lay it around the perimeter of your herb that is getting eaten. Slugs and snails don’t like crossing spikey things.

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Try watching david goggings the man’s a machine total motivation he is a living legend

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P.s get slugs at night especially after it’s been raining slugs are very resilient

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I know how you feel. My ex moved on and has a happy family and I want that badly too. I miss simple things and family but I am committed to heal and not use people as a crutch. My faith and relationship with God is much stronger. May God bless you and know that you are never alone.

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Hey @Priscilla I can totally relate to the the trauma thing. Right when I think I had fully processed something it pops up again. Proud of you for staying strong :sunglasses::metal:t2:

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I love this idea, thank you!

Great share and good job for sharing. We are all here to LOVE on each other until we are able to LOVE ourselves. Each one teach one. I completely understand that void…I now refer to it as that “God sized HOLE” I had in my active addiction. Practice understanding and compassion towards your Self. Greet pain WITH compassion. Dont burden yourself with others and their doings, achievements, possessions and status. Please lol do not be offended lol but dont hate, EMULATE. Learn to manage your expectations. Understand this, “the less we crave, the less we suffer” and this way, we awaken…right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action,right effort, right livelihood, right mindfulness, right focus…next time you these feelings arise, remember, FEELINGS ARE TEMPORARY. Then begin listing all the things you are grateful for, I guarantee within seven breathes, you WILL find yourself in positive state of mind. Before I go, just because we may be alone does not mean we must experience loneliness. Again, great share and good job reaching out. Be blessed.
One life
One love
LIVE LOVE

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Awwwyour words are kind and appreciated

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