Hey everyone,
I just want to tell you guys what I’ve been going through the last three months. I hope I don’t get judged it’s been a tough time. If anyone has abit of time, I love to hear some feedback.
So just before Christmas I found out my Mum had cancer, she is recovering now, and things seem good. On the 2nd of January I found out I was pregnant to my ex fiancé. He unfortunately is battling ice addiction, and I’m recovering from ice addiction, 140 days off it, I also struggle with alcohol however I don’t drink much anymore.
Sadly I decided to terminate not because I didn’t want the child, but because I wasn’t going to get the support from him or my family. I remember telling my sister first and she just said straight out terminate, second thing she asked me was did I do it on purpose. I was extremely hurt by her words. The following weeks, were the hardest. I felt guilty for being pregnant, I was hurt, isolated, sad and so many other emotion. And I had a deep urge to keep it. she was not empathetic, supportive as I thought an older sister would act. My mum was the same, pretty much everyone I told said it would be the right thing to abort. It was killing me that no one had faith in me. I’ve come along way since my ice addiction. I now have two jobs, I go to the gym, and eat healthy, I nurture my body now and I thing that’s why I was blessed with becoming pregnant. That’s not the end of the story. Yesturday my sister told me she is pregnant with her third child. My heart sank even more, I broke out in hives. I felt sick to my stomach. I’m upset at myself for feeling like this. I feel like I’m doing the same thing to her, not being happy for her. But I feel betrayed, confused, because she said she didn’t want another. Now a month after I went through with termination she’s pregnant. She hasn’t told me the due date but my gut feeling is saying that we were pregnant very similar time. How can I be around her? Her baby will be due when my baby would have been due. I’m just a mess. I’m so bloody angry at the world. I take full responsibility of my part in this. I fell pregnant to a man I knew wouldn’t be a great father due to his addiction.
I feel like I’m loosing my mind. And I’m having a mental breakdown. Life doesn’t make sense anymore and loosing faith in people. I feel very isolated. Even the people who have been supportive of me and here for me have told me i did the right thing but it doesn’t make it feel right. It feels wrong to me! I was one of those people who said I’d never terminate. And I did it because I felt judged, isolated not supported. I told the wrong people. I know in time I will learn to bare it. My I’m in so much emotional pain, that I’ve been throwing up. I’m tired of the year it’s already been. I said it was going to be my year this year. And it’s been a disaster like one thing after the other. My question is how do I bare all this? Around my family. I feel like I cannot trust anyone like I’m loosing my mind. Termination is different for everyone, and mine was early on. I chose to do it early on for certain reasons. But people say you did it early on so it wasn’t really a baby so you will recover quicker. Truth is I loss the possibility and hopes and dreams that come with having a baby. I feel like I lost a baby at the end of the day.
Please I would love advice on how to get through this, last night I didn’t sleep this morning I’ve been throwing up. Something has to give.
I am so sad for you. So much to face. So many challenges. So many hard choices you have had to make, and will have to make. We make them, but for better or worse, we can’t know in the moment. Sometimes we know in time. Sometimes we never know.
There are a couple of decisions I made in my past, that seemed right in the moment, but turned out to be not so. There are a couple that I knew weren’t “right” and it turned out they weren’t. Oh how they haunted me, dug right into my soul.
There are decisions I made that were hard at the time, and caused me pain. Worse, they caused others pain. But if you asked me today, I’d make them again, even though I still harbor regrets for making them. These are the worst.
I guess what I am trying to say, from the only perspective I can offer (a 52 year old guy ), you made decisions, decisions that only you can make. Whether or not they were right or wrong may only become clear in the future. I won’t say “let go of the pain and regret”. It’s yours. I pray that your burden is made light, if you won’t put it down.
Peace.
Hey,
Thank you so much for your reply. And taking the time to read what I’m going through. When I found out I was pregnant I tried to prepare for life as a single Mum, I went to the doctor, asked about how medical appointments and costs and took vitamins, was looking for more work, looked into housing and other ways for support. Only to be discouraged by family and my ex. I was always asked hey would you like your kid to be brought up like this… broken family and how you going to do it my Mum said I can’t look after your child while you work. I know for a fact that when my sister has a child she will be getting more help from my mum, she is now, and my mum is sick. I’m so angry at her, but I don’t want to resent her because it will kill me. But i already resent her. I look and feel like I’m jealous and I hate that.
I can’t change what has happened or what I have done and I will never forgive myself but I have learnt so much from it already. It’s shown me more about myself and others around me. A close friend said to me, when is it going to be enough darling, He told me that he didn’t like the way my family spoke to me one day and he met them once. All my life they have treated me with disrespect and that’s why I drank. I couldn’t connect to them. I finally see them for who they are. And I have to work to move away and break free from them. I’m trying to make connections with people who light me up. That respect me, that care and can support me and who are kind. Because that’s who I am. I could never tell anyone to get rid of a child no matter what. I’d listen, be there, help them, and I think that’s the thing that’s hurting me the most. I feel unworthy of a child. I need to change my life emensly for me. I need to trust myself more and my gut feeling.
You seem to be a be a very strong person, so thank you, you have given me comfort. And I am a stranger.
I hope you and your daughter and doing great! I hear you are pregnant, best wishes. It’s a precious time.
I think distance from these people will make me grow emensly. They are constantly in my head, telling me I’m not good enough but I’ve come so far… Not anymore. Don’t you think it’s strange that if someone asked your friend to describe you they would say something totally different to what your family thinks of you?
Sometimes I wish that my family saw me like my friends see me.
But they will never change.
So I must change myself.
Your words are powerful. Your pain is so clearly conveyed. IMO you are in the throws of Post Abortion Stress Syndrome (PASS). It’s quite similar to PTSD. Please know there are specialized resources for you. I’m quite familiar with the mental health field. This particular area is beyond the scope of my competency tho. I’m sharing a link below, I think you might find helpful. It has many resources listed, others stories, and a hotline #, etc. I encourage you to Google PASS and post abortion support. You will find much information. Sending love to you from Alabama. Pls feel free to PM me. I’m available to listen. You are not a bad person. You have value. It is possible for you to heal. Here’s the link…
Hi soberGal. What a time you are having! You are obviously a caring sensitive person who could really have done with support… you have made very difficult decision and I for one would not judge…hang in there and keep coming on the forum… lots of lovely supportive people on here… take love
Well you got my empathy for sure. I am so sorry you’ve been going through all of this. I wish there was a book to solve our problems, boy wouldn’t that make life easier. You did what you had to do at the time. For me living with my past mistakes I could not move forward. First and foremost I had to forgive myself. Then I could move forward and start forgiving others. Because there is two sides to every story sometimes mine sometimes theirs sometimes just the truth. Try to get in some fellowship with some church groups or NA/AA meetings. Try surrounding yourself with people of good intent. Utilize this board when you feel stressed or are jonesing. I wish you luck and all the best. HUGS❤️
I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice but I just wanted you to know that I am so sorry for all you e been through lately. I just wish I could wrap my arms around you until all the pain was gone.
I will say you are entitled to everything you are feeling. Don’t feel guilty for it. Perhaps consider talking this through with a professional to work out all these feeling.
Hugs
Dear sister. All my prayers asking the Lord to bring to your broken heart: HOPE. Hope to see your child one day again. HOPE to recover from these terrible wounds. HOPE to experienced that you are not alone and that Someone really cares about you.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. The others have given you great advice and encouragement. Sounds like its time to create some distance between the people that are causing you pain and making you feel resentful, and just focus on you. Seek support from a professional if you can, to help you work through all this shit. You’re in the midst of some awful feelings right now but you can get through it and come out stronger on the other side.
I hope you can find peace. Sending a hug to you. 
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I am going to see my psychologist tomorrow. I’m barely coping so it will be good to see someone. I had a look at your link. It’s sounds like o may have it. I haven’t stopped crying the whole weekend I am exhausted.
Once again thank you.
Thank you for being empathetic. I’m trying to forgive myself, but I am now constantly reminded of what I gave up now when I look at my sister. I look at her and I don’t understand what’s happening even though it’s happening. She didn’t get pregnant to hurt me but I am so hurt. It hurts to breathe. I feel winded all the time it’s awful. I have fear that I have to see her, and can’t imagine being able too. I feel like I’m loosing my sister, a chance to meet her baby one day.
I couldn’t bare it. I know it’s early. But it seems too much has been said and done.
Today I forced myself to go to an art workshop today and for a few hours I forgot about everything. I was very nervous to mingle with people when I was so sad. But I did it. And I met so many lovely like minded people.
Thank you for your message.
Thank you for your kind words and prayers.
Means a lot to get support on here.
Thank you for your kind words and support. I have the best psychologist and I am seeing her tomorrow afternoon. She goes beyond her scope and has helped me so much. I am trying to put fiancé between certain people however it’s my sister and she isn’t going anywhere. I’m just scared to death to see her because I will probably have a breakdown and I’m scared that it’s going to end our relationship.
I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I meant distance, silly.
Thank you for your prayers means a lot.
Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I know what u mean I am digging real deep to get through the days. I’m gathering everything that I have learnt and I am pushing forward. It was the worst choice I ever made. But I made it. I’m at the stage where I have to walk away from certain people unfortunately this has opened up my eyes to it. . I need to trust myself and my instincts more. I am enough.
Maybe you can postpone seeing her just until you can see your therapist, at least to vent your anger there and get some perspective. If you tried to explain what you’re feeling to your sis would she be sympathetic?
I know the pain/confusion/regret of terminating a pregnancy. It was/still is something that I questioned if I made the right decision. But I have to just believe I made the right decision for me at the time. I now have 2 daughters and if I ever start looking back in the past I just remember I did what I thought was best at the time. I can’t change it now but everything worked out and I’m happy. You’ll figure out how to make peace with everything eventually but I know right now everything hurts.
I am very sorry for all you are going through…that just sucks. Your strength in sharing is appreciated and you are not alone in your struggle and feelings of shame and guilt…we all seem to share that. You got some good suggestions in distancing yourself from those who make you feel bad about yourself and treat you poorly. I am so glad you have a good therapist to help you to become healthier and whole. You did what you had to do and that is truly okay. I hope you will find your way to forgiveness because we all deserve forgiveness for being human.
Always. Please never despair . you are very important. I mean it sister
I’m going to take space between us. Il be reminder every time I see her how old my baby should be. It just sucks bad. Heart breaking. It’s a real test. I’m just focusing on healing now and becoming strong.
Thank you for your advice and for understanding that it is a hard thing going through. I don’t wish it on anyone, things women have to go through.