So last night in a bid to restart a rocky marriage lacking in confidence I had a drink or three. Today sadness is overwhelming. As usual it ended in an argument. I have no arguments left in me. How do I stop? Why can’t I?How can I make myself not have that drink? Why is it so hard? I am intelligent. I hold down a great job . Why is morning me so resolute in not drinking and night time me undoes all the positive hard work in the morning? Why do I do it sigh.
Why do we do it? Because we have a drinking problem…we deceit ourselves into drinking. Accept you have a problem apd remind yourself everytime you want to pick one up.
I don’t like night time me at all. Perhaps I need to stop being so hard on myself . I didn’t realise I had a problem till I couldn’t stop.
That was my problem. Never had the urge to drink in the morning, always woke up saying to myself I didn’t want to drink today. It got to around the 5pm time and that was the trigger time. How would I relax in an evening without a beer?
I do it every day it’s like a viscous cycle. I wake up positive. I distract myself all day and much of the evening. But will always find a reason to drink . And it’s never one it’s generally a bottle of wine . Sometimes more. I accept it’s a problem I know I have one I somehow need to stop. It started with post natal depression. I just wanted to stop myself from feeling sad , or thinking , I just wanted to stop. And I thought that I didn’t have a problem because everyone drinks don’t they…but not as much as me.
Other than not drinking what have you been doing to work on your recovery?
Literally just starting. I have joined the gym. Seen the doctor and have now been medicated for depression. I have changed my job so that I could reduce stress. And am looking into resources that will help.
Maybe a meeting might help plenty of nice people there who have been were you are now and get phone numbers makes it easier .in my drinking days i had three companies and big house nice wife nice car but i still couldnt stop drinking until i lost the lot .time for a new direction wish you well
I have an amazing husband, two beautiful little boys, the ability to take a break from my career to be a stay at home mother for a few years…and I could not stop drinking. I hated myself every single time I took a drink, yet I did it every single evening. Every morning found me hungover and full of sadness for what I had become. My disease is powerful and makes no sense. I could not quit on my own. I need you lovely people and the folks I have met through AA, along with help from my higher power, in order to stay sober. Since I accepted that fact, 120 days ago today, I cannot begin to tell you how different my life is. I look forward to each day. I’m starting to know myself again - and I’m happy! Even hard days feel manageable now - not something I have to numb or escape. If you want to stay sober and are having a hard time doing it alone, might it be worth checking out AA or another support program? In any case, I sure do understand, and I hope you keep checking in. I know you can do this.
I am just happy that I have found that I am not alone in this. That it’s not just me. I can do this. I know I can.
Would recommend trying giving This Naked Mind a read as well as all the other great advice here and things you’ve got lined up. I’m not sure it has all the answers but definitely some interesting perspectives on why we continue to drink, even when we don’t want to!
I will have to look into it. Even now sitting thinking one won’t hurt. But it will sadly . Perhaps understanding will help to fix it .
So sorry ️ my heart is breaking for you, thank you so much for sharing and being here. I too had post partum depression with all three of my kids. I genuinely understand wanting to drink to not feel that way- to function, to be “happy”, and to feel normal! But it makes it so much worse, the guilt and shame is normal and your viscous cycle is normal too. But you can get out of it. You are worth more than you realize, you are worth being loved and having a great life. If night time is hard can you find a nighttime or evening meeting? I was scared to death to go to my first aa meeting and I was accepted for who I am with open arms. It felt like home ️ exercise and the right medication is a huge step in the right direction. If I were you tonight I would find a meeting before going home if you’re able, and when you get home if you have the strength throw out all your alcohol. You can do this ️ if you’re up late tonight and can’t sleep come here. We have all been in your shoes and you aren’t alone. We all want you to succeed and know you can!
Oh that heavy heart of alcohol + marriage = a mess. I had that sadness for a long time. Getting sober has been the best thing for my marriage. Zero drunk arguments, zero days spent wallowing in self pity for acting the fool or worse, zero time for petty drunken games. It was not easy getting here, it took a lot of time and takes a lot of effort but getting sober has transformed not just my life, but my relationship with my husband and our marriage. Gaining self confidence and stopping being a drunken asshole does wonders.
You do not need to feel like that anymore.