Alcohol and me. Where does one even begin. I’ve attempted this app a few times now and every time I make excuses about how I “can make a relationship work with alcohol”… like I owe it something. However, what has it ever done for me?
Last Friday was quite possibly the biggest wake up call I’ve ever had. A welcome home party for a dear friend who moved to the east coast last year, and came back for a visit; Leisure Public House, an old watering hole we all went to almost every night of the week, before covid was around. It was my first time back being out and about and my partner and I vowed we’d be responsible. We walked as to not be tempted to drive. We swore we’d pace ourselves.
One hard seltzer, turned into shots of bourbon and countless other “omg we’re all back together again” beverages. What a night. One thing lead to another, and somehow I was face down on the back patio. Unable to be woken. The ambulance was called. I came to for about 50 seconds, and as the EMT’s were on their way out (we were on our way home apparently…) I passed out again. They loaded me onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. I woke up the next day in the hospital. To my partner and father looking over me with such pity in their eyes.
I don’t even know what else to say at this point. But I’ve been sober ever since. 7 days down. I’ve never been more serious about my sobriety, and so far, I’ve never felt better.
Sheesh.
I should note
I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a few years ago, and medication + alcohol = worst mistake I could’ve made. Onward and upward. Day by day by day.
Welcome to The Forum it is really a wonderful place full of resources and reading and things to pass the time and people who are all struggling in various parts of their path of sobriety. I totally get the reluctance to commit to say there’s an alcohol problem. In fact that is one of the first of many things you’ll probably find we all have in common with our addictions. We dont want to admit it because we want to continue to try and regulate, but honestly after YEARS of trying that i eventually just said fuck it, im an alcoholic. When i did and committed i found i had WAY less stress. The idea of one drink makes me stressed, but no drinks makes me calm and comfortable.
It takes time, commitment and work, but your life will be so much better and stable.
You deserve stability.
Oh and btw, those old friends you drank with… you can still have great times with the same friends without alcohol; it takes time, but i do it regularly.
Ha! Portland is indeed where I reside. Thank you for your response as well as mentioning resources. I think that will be my next step - finding a community to visit when life seems impossible. Thank you thank you thank you.
Thank you so much. Taking it day by day. And a huge thank you in regards to your comment on my friends. I think that’s high on my list of biggest fears. Worrying whether I’ll even be fun to be around if I’m not drinking. Which is just oh so silly, but albeit a valid fear.
It’s not silly at all and it’s different for everybody. I’m kind of somebody who is comical and ridiculous and a little obscene that Baseline with my friends so for me I was pleasantly surprised that I quickly was still able to be ridiculous without alcohol. Other people such as my wife still has more anxiety than most especially around people she doesn’t know, but thats ok. She has been learning who she is and how to interact sober. Its because of the possibility of growth that i personally cherish weaknesses (or deficits) because they lead to great success.
Awesome work overall btw, we all were one day at a time when we started and while it sounds like a weakness to some, it means we get to know we have achieved the hardest thing ever, every day! And every morning we start with the knowledge we are success of the night before! Use that.
Something to remember is, as we get older each relapse becomes worse and worse. Which should scare the hell out of anyone who has experienced this type of situation. Focus all your energy on sobriety. Your life depends on it.
Congratulations on a week. Let’s get through today, and welcome tomorrow sober and focused.
My wake up call almost a month ago now was similar. I drank who knows how many IPAs, got a ride back to my truck and somehow drove home. I ended up with COVID two days later and spent a week at home cleansing and getting through being sick. As I laid there I pondered hard how I made it home driving. I could not remember driving my truck and the severity of what could have happened scared the shit out of me.
I had previous stints of sobriety a couple times for a year and thought I could live with moderation. But, I looked at my life and counted all the people and organizations that rely on me and need me around and I looked at myself and said “you need to be the man they signed on for and deserve to have in their lives.” I haven’t looked back since and take one day at a time counting my blessings everyday. I started sending my wife a message everyday about something I’m thankful for her for about her and our life. One day turned to seven and then ten and now I’m almost to 30! Take each day slow, don’t let the regret eat you, forgive yourself and don’t worry about the things you can’t control or change. It’s easier said than done, but when I start to get regretful I remind myself I can’t change the past but I’ve made a good choice and I can choose not to drink for the rest of my life! That thought lifts me up because it gives me hope. I know that if you and I and everyone here live one day at a time, before we know it we will open this app and it will have numbers in the years column.
I look forward to counting the years of life I am taking back that alcohol robbed me of and loving the life that I could have easily thrown away keep fighting the good fight
keep fighting the good fight 