Screwed up starting over

I drank. I didn’t go crazy. But I drank. I guess for non alcoholics this would have been a rough week. For me it was “sensible.”

I been back at work for 8 days now. So far, it’s actually been okay. There have been positive things as a matter of fact. But going back terrified me so I drank. I drank to deal with it. And now I’m back and I’ve realized, I don’t know how to be sober after work. See I had months of success during a shelter in place order. Now I’m back at work, what do I do? How do I rewire my mind to a place where drinking doesn’t cap the day?

I hate myself for drinking. I also bolted from this site, you guys because idk, I felt like a loser. I’m embarrassed. But I’m back cause, idk. Because. Anyway that’s where I am.

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The fact u are being “sensible” for u, means while u are slipping, u have not fallen yet, and the quicker u grab something to support u, the less likely u are to fall completely. And those things to grab are this site, meetings, podcasts, get those sobriety juices flowing again! It is easy to fall back into a habit, but equally, a few times of NOT drinking after work, ur brain’s connection starts to weaken.

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Man I know its hard especially if you have a routine like the one you have after work you drink. For me it was everyday around 6 pm, started with a 4 pack and ended with a 4 pack, after 6 years of doing that i got tired of it and one day decided to stop. It was hard at first and from time to time I still want a cold one especially when I am happy. Now the way that I think is if I were to drink one all the hard work and sleepless nights, moderate withdrawal symptoms would go out the door. Like why did I start in the first place to quit, well I never been a quitter yet and don’t plan to start anytime soon. I think if you really want to quit you have to put in 100 percent nothing less, not hopes and dreams they wont do it, not self talk that won’t do it, you have to really want it and say I want to change for the best. I want the best of me to come out. Just saying take care and I hope you stay sober.

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Thanks guys. It matters that anyone is willing to reach out. I appreciate it.

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Glad you are back. :heart:

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Thanks. :slight_smile:

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Dude you gotta love yourself… we all fuck up…I’ve had my fair share of relapses. It just starts by not drinking after work 1 day at a time. Find something else to do… hit up a meeting, there is nothing wrong with getting help.

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Thanks Dan. I know we all mess up. I guess I’m tired of seeing how long it’ll be until I screw up again. This was the longest stretch. It’s embarrassing. It really is.

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We’ve all been there. I always drank whenever things got uncomfortable and then I continued because its what I did. I can tell you have the right mindset and just need to continue working your program.

Many people mentioned how incredible it was to start getting sober during a pandemic. I actually think it was too easy since we could control the environment and didnt see anyone in person for months. Going back into social events can/will be challenging for us all.

Good luck on your journey!

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It might have been too easy! It hadn’t occurred to me. I thought I was the shit for going sober during such a trying time. But no, somehow, I think it was easier.

Now, how do I figure out to be sober when everything is just . . . life. Just, plain, old, everyday, disappointing, painful, gross, lame, crap life.

Do you work any 12 step programs?

For me I was completely against AA when I first walked in because all I heard was God. It took me two relapses and 3 plus years to figure out that the program fits me well and God doesnt have to be the conventional idea.

A big thing for me was focusing on all of the positives. Writing a gratitude list can be really helpful.

I’ve also heard the opposite of addiction is connection. Thats why I continue to post on here. I also listen to recovery podcasts. My favorite is recovery elevator.

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You did it once and you know you can do it. That is great. You found out one of the triggers. Even better. Did it comfort you? What can you do to relieve stress in other ways? It is summer. Maybe you can go for a walk or cycling? I love biking and watching at cows :slight_smile:

Hello! Don’t beat yourself up over your relapse. We are only human! The fact that you reached out here is a start and shows you want to be sober. I will keep you in my prayers that God will give you the strength to stay sober. Keep reaching out, we’re here for you!

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Glad you made it back. This is a good place to be… :heart:

I’ve tried them. It definitely was not the God part that deterred me. I am a person of faith. There were other things. I don’t wanna get too into it. Because I know people can be sensitive. I will say, just these two things:

  1. At the end of the day, my sobriety should not be about proving to others that I’m really serious about sobriety. It really needs to be about what legitimately works. Not about what pleases others. 2. If I’m going to be a part of a group I need that group to recognize the possibility of fallibility otherwise there is no sense of humility and that’s an enormous problem.

It didn’t work. It did the opposite. It triggered. It repulsed. No.

That said, I recognize it has been extremely successful for others and I’m happy for them ALL!

Therapy hasn’t been useful. I’ve been in therapy in one form or another since I was 6. I’m 38 now so I think 32 years is enough to know maybe that’s not quite right for me either.

I know exercise works. I know that. That’s all I know so far. But thus far it’s only worked to a point.

One of the triggers?! The trigger is work. What the heck do I do about that?! It’s not like I can just stop working. I’m sorry, you’re totally right that I can use this as a learning experience. And I thank you for seeing that way. But at first glance it’s like, “well crap. What do I do with that?” You know?

It’s so weird. I was at work today. I had a lovely day there. Challenging but in a good way. I have plenty to do there but not so much I’m overwhelmed. I have new things to learn and I welcome them. The family I work for is fair and considerate. I’ll be making decent money. This is all good! So why couldn’t I get it out of my head that I wanted to get hammered after work?

I think during the shelter in place order period, I had no set routine so I sorta set a routine for myself and it didn’t include alcohol.

Now I’m back. I just gotta do this!!! I just gotta shove it out of my head that drinking is what one does after work. I know. I know. I hear you. Thanks buddy.

Thank you for your prayers. I genuinely appreciate them.

Thanks Edmund. You’re kind.

The opposite of addiction is connection? So according to this concept addiction equals isolation? Well, I’ll have to think about this. How much of my addiction has isolated me. This will be interesting. :slightly_frowning_face: or terrifying :scream:

You are at the right place. Screwing up, starting over with determination to get this monkey off your back is how it is done. Keep at it, we are cheerng you on.