I have been pretty lucky with all of this. My bottom was bad enough, the handful of people that know about it (outside of my professionals which makes that number like 4 people), no one asked why I didn’t get back on the horse. Not surprising.
Drinking was part of my public persona. Work hard, play hard, and drink harder. As it turns out, several of my former bartenders are in the rooms (talk about an odd feeling for me), other bartenders were glad even if they had to figure out a different way to pay their kids tuition, and many other people were just seemingly trying to live up to the myth of the goat. I was somehow the ringleader for debauchery. (How could anyone believe that, right?) Now, NO ONE CARES THAT I AM DRINKING SPARKLING WATER. People are more like we don’t have to go out to the after party until the early morning and they can send the baby sitter home early? Damn this is a better Goat!
Even though everyone knows that I am not drinking, I do not identify that I am an alcoholic outside of the rooms. I think about this often and whether it is disingenuous to my true self. I end up along your lines at least for today. The four people that know, know. They are all normies and don’t have a clue about when I explain about it being a spiritual, mental, and physical disease or the crazy ass coincidences that occur now. So how is the outside world going to understand with all the baggage of popular culture? So for now, I just say I am not drinking when out. So far, no one has pushed it. If they do – I can deal with it then (plan to explain that I and other people tend not to like me when I am drinking, so I don’t’).
I felt this way with prior attempts to quit. I guess I didn’t want to come off as “weak” or “having a problem”, or saving myself some potential embarrassment if I went back to drinking.
This time is different. I just quit. I told my wife, but that’s it. Over time, when friends or family offered me a drink, I’d just say “No thanks. I’m good”. No explanations or additional info. Now I say “No thanks. I don’t drink”. People who knew me as a drinker might ask “you quit?” I say “yeah, been X months. I feel fantastic. Don’t need anything slowing me down, dulling the edge.” The usual response is “Good for you man. Wish I could.”
Since I am a disciple of the Goat everyone is pretty happy I’m not drinking or using anymore. Even people that didn’t know me when I was drinking seem to know that it’s better if I don’t drink. I must have that look.
I have made several attempts quitting alchohol. My norm was daily about a 12 pack and one large can budlight. Then later in the evening a bottle of wine. I am only going on 2 days clean today(I reset this week) . I can relate to what you are saying, especially with telling family. I felt that way when I wanted to tell my husband. But if you drink anything like I did there is a good chance he already sees your problem. I raised my kids as a functioning drunk, I even went to the gym, drove them to sports. Was girl scout leader. And on and on. My kids are adults now and I dont have to out right tell them why I cant drink. I know they already know
Sadly kids even at a young age can see the difference between sober mom and drunk mom!! My kids use to sneak and put cat food in my beer when I wasnt looking😑.
I suggest you first quit for yourself and admit to yourself that you cant drink just one.
And the tell your husband first. Tell him you want to get healthier and drinking makes you not so energetic the next day.
Hope this helps. Glad you are here. One day at a time one minute at a time. Just don’t t drink
I’m 15 days sober. I didn’t tell anyone either. For me it was a very personal decision. My honey knows bc well I don’t keep things from him. And we had a really healthy conversation. I can’t say this approach works for everyone. Welcome to the sobriety club!
My husband and mother in law know. My co- workers know I’m not drinking with the new meds I’m on. The kids know I’ve been having health problems. It’s a need to know basis to get the support I need without any professional reputation repercussions. Plus I have all of you wonderful people!
And it feels so freaking good when you say it and truely mean it! “I don’t drink”. I ve had a couple people ask why and I just said “me and alcohol don’t mix well”. They just kind of say “oh”. It’s never gone past that
I am currently going through this now. My husband, who has struggled with alcohol in the past but “has grown out of it”, does not feel I am an alcoholic. I am not ready to tell him the reasons why I clearly am. This is going to take time. He knows I get carried away but he just chalks it up to my bad anxiety. He last said, “It is up to you. I will do whatever I can to help you”. On day 4 sober, I admitted to my mom that I was not going to drink any more and had “come to Jesus” moment after my last night of drinking even though I am not religious at all. She then precedes to tell me that I am not an alcoholic and I just need to get back to the psychiatrist. I think who you tell and what you say is a personal decision. I have not gone to any social outtings with temptations yet but I plan to use the diet excuse for now. My husband will probably secretly tell his parents anyway but at this point I do not care. I think admitting to yourself that you have a problem is the biggest and hardest step. Good job!
I’m at the point where I declare my tee total status at the beginning, simply by telling people who invite me for a drink that I’m happy to join them however I’m tee total and I can offer them a lift if they want.
Rarely do I get a negative response. If I get questioned I tell them that alcohol is a drug which doesn’t react well with my system and I choose to avoid it, there’s no lie there as it causes me to have psoriasis, irritable bowel syndrome, heightened allergies due to histamine in beers and I have an allergy to it. The other allergy symptoms are severe cravings for more if I have the first drink coupled with a mental obsession focused on where and when I’m going to get more and more and more of the poison.
Healthy sobriety has eradicated all that from my life and I’m a confident healthy tee totaller now.
