Does anyone deal with self body shaming? I’ve struggled for years with excessive body checking issues. I’ve dealt with moobs for years and while I’ve broken free from my porn addiction and trying to work hrough this embarrassing issue too.
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Hey yeah I’ve dealt with this a maddening amount. Went years not looking in the mirror, getting dressed, putting on makeup, all without looking … I still have body dysmorphia in certain situations. It’s freaky.
But these issues are a lot less painful now with a good solid time sober and in therapy. I find it’s all connected to my subconscious mind.
What are you doing to tackle this? Is there anything that helps?
I feel for you. 
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For me alot of my problems started at a young age, low self esteem low self worth always felt like i never belonged anywhere. Shame of who i was became a big reason for my rebellion and it caused me to turn towards substance abuse to fill a void become someone that i never planned to be. Always something that drew me into different addictions that became a constant wave of highs that i was always chasing. Really was self destructive the lifestyle i came to live an it all stemmed from not being comfortable with who i was. Guess the systemic racism and prejudices make certain enthic minorities feel that and its slowly changing now still even in the 21st century.
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I used to do this a lot, my body and my face, especially my face.
For the most part I just grew out of it. Now I really appreciate my vision and all the aspects of my body that allow me to experience life, and I don’t really buy into all this media/ social that we’re supposed to look a certain way or dress a certain fashion in order to feel validated. The media seems to be changing (thank God) but people still self-filter, their photos, their lives, it’s fashionable to get Botox and lip filters in this country… I’m more inclined to value individuality and not get plastic injected into my body… The while thing is weird and somewhat repulsive to me. I feel beautiful in my confidence that I’m happy with how I look just as I am, I don’t need validation from an outside source.
Look after your body and your mind, that is real beauty
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Yes very much so. The anxiety and negative self talk surrounding my body has taken a toll on me. I am often having to redirect my inner voice and try to find positives instead of hyper fixating on the negatives. It’s like having to deal with a 2 year old who has tantrums constantly - exhausting but necessary.
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Have dealt with this all my life, although mostly in childhood and adolescence and early 20’s. Than slowly I became more confident. But even now at 41 I notice I beat myself up about certain features and find myself overly checking the mirror or even shooting photos to see how i appear on the beach. So yeah, although less obsessive it stays an issue i need to work on.
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It’s been a constant struggle my whole life. I got a interesting bit of advice years ago that helped. I had made a self-critical comment and this kind person said this: “Sister, you have an eye problem.” I replied, “No I’m seeing just fine.” He shook his head sadly. “You misunderstood me. You have an I problem.” I still didn’t get it and smirked at him. He went on to explain, “You are overly focused on yourself and your negative attributes. It’s a pity to waste so much time and energy on self loathing. If you think about it, it is a form of selfishness as much as vanity is.”
So now when I get ragging on myself, I think about this ^^ and try to redirect my energy to something more positive and not focus on myself.
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Definitely appreciate your reply. I’m 40 been dealing this all my life. Would have people make fun of me… pinch my chest. I’ve lifted weights… lost some weight…still its a deeper issue for me. I’m just trying to get feed back from others to see what’s been working and figure this out. If I can conquer porn I can conquer anything and this is the next item on the list!
Ditto on everything you said…100%. Now I have no reason not to be confident and yet I still have these issues. Low self esteem and low self worth. Check and check. Let’s conquer these issues cause there both lies and brainwashing we tell ourselves.
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Thank you for that. I will. I’ve spent the last 53 days focusing on this site to help with the porn. I’m checking this next one off the list too. Appreciate the comment for sure.
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Redirecting your inner voice to find the positive…yes it is exhausting!!! I have to do that and your comparison of being with a 2 year old having tantrums is spot on!
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I’m with you. All my life too bro…a daily battle.
I do have an I problem. My wife has said this to me before. When I read your message I heard her voice telling me this. It’s just selfish behavior only focused on yourself. The extreme version of this trapped me in my addiction but it’s really an ‘I’ addiction. I saw this yesterday. I see this every day. I’m just a very selfish man. I need to learn to be selfless…ironically like my wife! I’ve been so selfish my entire life. I have moments where I focus on others but that’s my basement level issue. I will work on this every day. Let’s start with today. I need to just focus on my wife and kids. What there doing. Let’s keep it real simple. Stay off my phone and just focus on them.
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Thank you for your suggestion I really appreciate it!
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You are so hard on yourself (like me) 
We all have a tendency to focus on the negative. You have many positive qualities that I’ve seen. You are kind and encouraging with others on here. You have been quick to share tips that have helped you with newbies on here. You are a good soul.
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You are not alone.
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Thank you. It means alot. I am hard on myself. Layer by layer trying to work on my issues. In the end, I just want to be a man on integrity. That’s my endgame. But these dang on layers… just trying hard to be better.
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This became a defeating behavior to me, striving every day to be “better” than the last. I have made peace today with just being. Somedays that might look “better” and others it may not and that is ok. What is more important for me today is the acceptance aspect, and all those layers you are speaking of, acceptance of them. I found that when I came to the realization there was yet another " problem " to face I was starting to have feelings of frustration and self-pity that I hadn’t “gotten anywhere” in the 2 years that I have been substance-free. That is just not the case, my reality is that I have done a boatload of work in these last two years. Now I am just accepting everything as it comes and I will tell you the difference that I see is extreme. It takes a lot of work to undo thought patterns we have had for our whole lives, I just turned 48 and I was in the fashion industry from 13-32. The way I have treated my body and the way I have looked at it had been supported by my career. Those become very, very difficult thought patterns to re-write, but with determination and patience, it can be done.
I am happy you are talking about this. 
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Great points. Sometimes the preoccupation with just being better and psycho analyzing everything is that selfish preoccupation thing. Just be. I’m not perfect. Great points indeed.
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