# Self Compassion and changing the narrative
**URL:** https://talkingsober.com/t/self-compassion-and-changing-the-narrative/205891
**Category:** Your Story
**Tags:** pmo, check-in, pornography, porn
**Created:** [March 22, 2026, 9:09am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/self-compassion-and-changing-the-narrative/205891 "2026-03-22T09:09:17Z")
**Posts on this page:** 7
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@David5](https://talkingsober.com/u/David5)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2026, 9:09am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/self-compassion-and-changing-the-narrative/205891/1 "2026-03-22T09:09:17Z")
Hi. I’m a therapist. I’ve helped many people work through addiction, shame, self hatred…and yet, I’m addicted to Porn. I’m human too. I’ve struggled off and on for 20+ years. I used to beat myself every lapse and relapse. I carried a lot of shame for years because I’ve helped a lot of people work through substance and sexual addiction, but I was also having some setbacks. One year I made it pretty much a full year sober and I was so proud of myself and then I relapsed…I haven’t been able to make it more than 6-9 months since then, but I keep trying. I realized one day it’s not about the perfection, but the wins and patterns that I’m working on improving. I found it easier to practice self love and compassion when I didn’t focus on perfection.
It’s still helpful to make goals for sobriety and shoot for abstinence. I think it’s more important to practice changing the narrative when you struggle. You can create a narrative that you’re a failure and think about how stupid and dumb you are but….thats not gonna create change …only shame, which leads to more relapses. Try practicing self love. Act like you’re cheering for a dear friend or loved one. You wouldn’t shame them. You would love them.
Practice some self love this week. I’m a month sober by the way and I’m loving all parts of my self, especially the parts that still occasionally struggle.
Best of luck everyone. Have a great weekend.
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### Author:  [@ICanAndWill](https://talkingsober.com/u/ICanAndWill)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2026, 9:29am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/self-compassion-and-changing-the-narrative/205891/2 "2026-03-22T09:29:19Z")
Welcome to our incredible community David! 🥳
You’re in great company.
🫂
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### Author:  [@erntedank](https://talkingsober.com/u/erntedank)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2026, 9:46am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/self-compassion-and-changing-the-narrative/205891/3 "2026-03-22T09:46:03Z")
Welcome 🌻
Have a good read around, xou’ll find lotsa wisdom and experience here.
Here’s a linklist to very powerful threads
> [@Frequently asked questions about sobriety for newcomers](https://talkingsober.com/t/frequently-asked-questions-about-sobriety-for-newcomers/32401):
>
> Below is a list of common questions that newcomers to the community ask. This FAQ is a Wiki and is maintained by our long term community members. Anyone of Trust level 3 and higher can edit and contribute to this. Advice for the newcomer [Advice for the Newcomer and Constant Relapser](https://talkingsober.com/t/advice-for-the-newcomer-and-constant-relapser/11064) ([What's YOUR plan?](https://talkingsober.com/t/whats-your-plan/177233)) ([Different Aspects of Recovery](https://talkingsober.com/t/different-aspects-of-recovery/6571)) [Resources for our recovery](https://talkingsober.com/t/resources-for-our-recovery/52812) ([What was anyone’s experience in the first month of sobriety?](https://talkingsober.com/t/what-was-anyone-s-experience-in-the-first-month-of-sobriety/83444)) ([Tips for getting and staying sober](https://talkingsober.com/t/tips-for-getting-and-staying-sober/71003)) ([Good riddance to hangovers! …](https://talkingsober.com/t/good-riddance-to-hangovers-and-other-things-i-dont-miss/60887)
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### Author:  [@Butterflymoonwoman](https://talkingsober.com/u/Butterflymoonwoman)
#### Post date: [March 22, 2026, 5:26pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/self-compassion-and-changing-the-narrative/205891/4 "2026-03-22T17:26:55Z")
Hey David! Welcome to the community!! First off, HUGE congratulations on 1 month! And 2nd of all, I LOVED ur post!!
I can relate to some of it for sure. I have been working in the “helping” field for over 16 years now, and over a decade ago i was working as a residential counsellor at a halfway house, helping men coming out of prison with their life goals, with their addiction issues, mental health diagnosis, behaviours etc… yet i struggled with my own demons. I felt like a hypocrite. I had alot of knowledge, knew what to do, and what to suggest to others to help them with their struggles, but couldnt (at that time), follow my own advice. Its a much diff story now thankfully. But boy, that wasnt a good feeling.
I loved what ur wrote here:
> [@David5](#):
>
> it’s not about the perfection, but the wins and patterns that I’m working on improving. I found it easier to practice self love and compassion when I didn’t focus on perfection.
Its soo important that we speak to ourselves as if we were speaking to a friend. I wouldnt shame or call down a friend… so why on earth do i do it to myself?! I find that making _daily_ changes helps in obtaining longterm recovery. Its what we do each day that helps. I know that addiction does not take a day off. So why should we in recovery? Right? We only have a daily reprieve against our addictions.
Im glad ur here! I hope that u find this forum useful for u and ur recovery 🙂
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### Author:  [@David5](https://talkingsober.com/u/David5)
#### Post date: [March 24, 2026, 6:46am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/self-compassion-and-changing-the-narrative/205891/5 "2026-03-24T06:46:07Z")
Thanks so much for the support and thoughtful response. I haven’t been part of a community support network like this in a long time and I plan to be as present as I can to learn and offer support.
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### Author:  [@DanielaJ](https://talkingsober.com/u/DanielaJ)
#### Post date: [March 24, 2026, 7:12am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/self-compassion-and-changing-the-narrative/205891/6 "2026-03-24T07:12:08Z")
One thing is what we know about addiction and recovery. Without any doubt, it’s crucial to know how addiction and recovery tools work.
On the other side is what we feel and crave emotionally. That part can’t be nourished with knowledge. Having a safe space, being vulnerable, finding connection are very helpful for me. I find this on TS.
Warm welcome to the forum! I‘m glad you found us. We need you here. Not as an expert, just as one addict connecting with others, for a recovery in community. We are in this together 💜
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### Author:  [@Jmilewil5](https://talkingsober.com/u/Jmilewil5)
#### Post date: [April 16, 2026, 10:57am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/self-compassion-and-changing-the-narrative/205891/7 "2026-04-16T10:57:31Z")
Thank you for your transparency. Im currently on my sobriety journey as well. Your words have given me hope as I wade these troubled waters. I will pray for you as well. Keep fighting 🙏🏿