I came home the other night to my boyfriend and was blackout drunk. I woke up the next morning to see I had puked all over the floor. I can’t believe he doesn’t want to break up with me. I want to do better for him, to get back on the right track, and to push myself to be the best version of myself I can be.
Before I started drinking, i was extremely devoted to school, and was on track to graduating from an awesome university by age 20. Then I started drinking, and everything changed. I got into terrible relationships that started off with a bad drunken decision. I’m lucky to finally be in a loving, supportive relationship but I’m sabotaging it by being a point of toxicity instead of a strong, clean person.
I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my potential, so much time and money and hurt people in the process. I want that to go away. I hate the feeling of waking up the day after drinking and having the sinking feeling of dread, not knowing what exactly happened, how much money I spent, if I have to apologize to anyone, etc. My anxiety has gone out of control, leading to even heavier drinking. I want to stop this madness. I don’t ever want my boyfriend or anyone I love to have to deal with me as a burden ever again.
So here I am, two days later, deciding I want to live a life of positivity, not one of shame, humiliation or regret. I hope I can stay on track because I fear I’ll end up homeless, dead or in jail if I don’t stop.
