I had no idea happiness was only a choice away. I kept saying it was and I knew(somewhere) it was… then I found it within myself. I have been in a calm place ever since.
Today my girlfriend who I had been dating for 3 months broke up with me to return to her ex.
Tomorrow she’s returning to my house to grab her things and I have to admit… there’s a slight mischief around being able to confidently stand tall as she chooses to leave.
Today unlike so many times before, this sort of news did not cause an Earth shattering response. I walked through my disappointment and cried a bit.
Then I respectfully told her not to disrespect and devalue me any further by being late when she comes to grab her stuff.
Sober for 5 months 13 days.
I’ve come to talk to yall about so much. I can feel all the compassion in yalls comments and inspiration. I am humbled and I am grateful. Sharing a bit of calmness with all of you
Amazing self control, as only the sober can obtain. It is hard but I’m sure with this you’ll only become stronger. 5 1/2 months is no big feat. Havent got there myself besides pregnancy (and a state monitored alcohol anklet). I know you already feel the great affects, no matter the sad situation. That’s what what can keep you going. Stronger now than ever. It’s all about you. With no reason to feel guilty. Keep doing the damn thing! Always a pleasure reading your posts
I’m so proud of you for staying strong under the circumstances. I’ve seen too many people use this as an excuse to pick up. Life is going to throw us a lot of curve balls, it’s how we handle them that makes all the difference. I also love how you set the boundaries on her picking up her things.
This is a great post. I understand the calmness that you’re talking about and @lisa is so right that this life throws us lots of curve balls. If you can look yourself in the mirror whilst all the crazy ups and downs are going on around you and be at peace, all is going to be ok. I am going through some tough bits at the mo also but I just keep taking a breath and going with it all steady and resolutely. Sometimes I’m that resolute that I question if I have turned into a cold hard bitch? Lol. Being sober I now am making changes and choices based on what I actually want or will/won’t put up with. It’s all a process I guess and I’m really glad to be on this journey, processing with all of you! Hope the hand over goes well, I will be thinking of you.
Thank you for your kind words. It does feel good. I stopped making my thoughts about staying sober and made them about staying happy and it has been the defining factor in my abilty to… quite frankly … want to be sober. Thank you for reading! Ask yourself what’s keeping you from ascending?.. calmy wait for the reply. When you feel what you want manifest inside you, consciously make the decision to say yes to yourself. In this state of mind drugs and alcohol are irrelevant. This is where you find the strength to get to the self awareness necessary to be happy.
Finding true happiness means its yours. While of course it’s disappointing, thats quite frankly all that it is. But not that disappointing since she’s had me for 3 months and decided to go back to her ex…
She called me and stated she was final in her decision on leaving without my input or consideration. After settling into my feelings the answer was so very clearly there. I cant deny the practicality of my next action which is to respectfully remove her. And no she can’t show up whenever because we’re not friends anymore.
Life is so much easier now that I accept and see myself. Now I can see others and accept them too. I left a note in her bag stating “Thank you for teaching me how to live.”
I’ve never read something so true. And I hear you.
I struggled with whether or not I’m a rude person now but it’s simple. I’m not and neither are you. Our heightened self awareness creates a desirable image to any observer. This coupled with any other constructive traits (ability to stay calm when reasoning, making responsible self decisions, holding other people accountable for their own stuff and doing the same for yourself). People crave the ability to do that and become distasteful when anyone possesses what they can not obtain. These are their own insecurities, not yours.
If I may offer something you may find useful. If we speak of the same calmness I invite you to adopt a very calm and relaxed speaking tone(this is the inner and outer dialog I want/and so do most people). 24/7. I spoke in a soft tone for 2 months(of course not every day) and watched it change me and my interactions with people. Most became ever more meaningful.
One thing the Army leadership taught me is that it it’s a leadership not a “likership.”
It would appear you lead the people you come in contact with. They provide you with opportunities to both help them and serve as a martar for who they want to be but can not be through lack of self awareness.
The hand over will go well because it already has in myself. When she arrives there will be a bag of things for her. Meanwhile I will be running the business I founded while she was tormented by the thoughts of a past self. She’ll find what she’s looking for - it aint me
The handover went according to plan(the plan being stick to what I already decided for myself, and do myself the favor of not second guessing myself AT ALL) - After she left she immediately called me (after I assume she read the note I left stating “Thank you for teaching me how to live.” She called me while I was in a wounded place having watched her go(which is what I wanted to see so I could stand resolute in knowing she needed to leave if she was in that big of a rush to do so). She asked me if I was sure there was nothing I wanted to say. My response “Go talk to your old girlfriend.”
Now I’m chillin at my sister’s getting ready to welcome my new nephew tomorrow and I’m happy knowing the amount of people in my life that don’t wish to build me returned to 0.
I am glad it went well. It is obviously part of the changes you want to make in order to move forward. Make sure to properly process these feelings though. I’m not talking about second guessing ( because when we have thought long and hard and decided to do something that is life direction changing, second guessing just gets in the way) but now that we’re sober we gotta learn how to feel feelings, all of them…in order to grow from things…IMHO…It sounds like you are happy and that you feel like a weight has been lifted. Look after you and spend sometime loving you now. Every day I’m getting stronger and more and more set on my direction. If anything gets in the way I WILL remove it in order to be who I want to be! This is scaring the shit out of my hubby as I’ve been with him since I was 16 and now I’m 44 and compliant, people pleasing, unselfish me is all he’s ever known. I’m still not sure that he fits into my picture yet and he obvs feels this and is super needy which is hard work but…one day at a time, one step at a time we will be what we wanna be, where we wanna be (sorry, went off on a tangent there lol) I’m glad it’s all sorted and I hope the welcoming of your lovely new nephew goes well too, congratulations to you and yours lovely
I appreciate your words and transparency. In terms of processing. I made all the decisions before my mind had an opportunity to get carried away. The truth:Just as I have changed and have embraced self acceptance in my heart I know people too are capable of this as well. She is growing too, it happened to be incongruent with my journey.
I also took the opportunity to tell her that I still wanted her, I asked her if she was final in her decision a few times(she confirmed). Thats when my confidence dropped and I let it protect me from anything else she could have potentially said to do anymore temporary damage to my heart. Not my first break up lol but the first time I didn’t want someone to stay or more importantly feel the desperation of longing. If anything Ive been irritated… like what a waste. All while carrying the truth of wanting to be with her too but having already let her go (easy to do that when someone leaves in question about whether or not they are doing the “right” thing). That want will go away. My happiness undisturbed-(not colded hearted, emotionally logical) Besides in addition to having left on my terms and hers on hers perhaps our journeys will cross again and we’ll have another go. There’s a bit of mischief there which makes me excited for life. It is her I can thank for my grand ability to process this anyway. She genuinely built me as a person and I her. In regards to the most kind words I could give her, I did.
Mind constraints are the most challenging. Here you are free to rant, and as a friend I of course I’ll listen! I think true ascension starts by allowing the transformation to happen with as minimal distractions as possible. Not saying that’s what your husband is but your ascension means he is forced to see himself. Perhaps growth has not occured to him in the same ways. And in terms of personal growth when he sees you he also sees your current metamorphosis and past efforts, love and compassion over the 28 last years. He has not acheived the same awareness, perhaps it is that that causes the discomfort around thinking he may be holding you back from something. In desperation he clings not to the person you were but the person you still are and are becoming. People latch on to greatness(or call it clingy😉) - If I may offer a calm suggestion. Keep going with yourself. Continue to adapt. Teach him in a way that compliments your new lease on life. He will have to rise to your occasion or you may find (by no hurtful means at all) that he has become incongruent with your new story. A story that calls to you like no other ever has
That is very good advice, thank you my friend. I am totally focused on my journey and I sometimes feel “steel like” in my determination to grow. I know this sometimes makes him scared and he is being very supportive and patient with me. But I gotta do what a gotta do, we both have! When I was younger I was abused by different men in different ways and then I met my hubby. Like I say, I was only 16 but he was 26! He is a kind and gentle man but it is during my journey that I am realising that I was so very young and I stayed with him back then because he protected me in a way. I have two lovely boys with him and I wouldn’t change a thing in that regard but…Now as I’m learning and dealing with the past and the reasons that I drank I am not wanting to be touched (sex is not something that I want!) and this must be hard for him. But I will carry on forward and what will be will be thank you for listening and for your advice. I wish you well in your journey and look forward to sharing it with you and all the other wonderful people on here.
I hear you loud and clear. Not wanting that sexual contact, I think, really means you are focused. Sex is one of those things thats so powerful and powerfully distracting. It commands vulnerability, something it doesn’t seem like you’re trying to be right now. Right now you’re evolving and that means all past selves must be understood and allowed to die so your true new self can flourish. A self you already are and are trying to understand
I am a queer woman(I have never shared a romantic love with a man however)from what I understand men have a deep longing in their hearts that demands/needs/desires/ the strength, love, and fortitude of a good woman who builds herself(period) but also challenges them and remains theirs to build them as well. As much primal as it is practical but they are different species and I acknowledge that(helps me understand how to communicate and grow in their presence) It would seem you do just that and yall have a beautiful family together. When you look back at your lives together so far him having protected you was what you needed and what he wanted to do for you, not a bad thing to realize, just a fact. A beautiful fact. Right now the very core of who you are is under construction and perhaps there is an entirely new sexual experience on your horizon once you’ve settled into the next stage of your awareness and happiness. I too have faced sexual abuse and walking through that physical/mental discomfort and realizing it was only in my mind allowed me to break through what I thought my sexual experience “should be” and went to go find out what I enjoy instead. And THAT does take a bit of selfishness but the good thing about sex is you can keep having it to get better at it
And yes my friend, this conversation has been quite an enjoyable one
Thanks Jessica, you seem like a lovely person and I hope you get all you want out of your life. This journey is an up and down road but it’s an honour to be on it with you.
Stay strong 
- it aint me 
but…one day at a time, one step at a time we will be what we wanna be, where we wanna be 
thank you for listening and for your advice. I wish you well in your journey and look forward to sharing it with you and all the other wonderful people on here. 