So tonight was my home groups monthly open meeting… I keep asking my ma if she wants to go with me because the people there are really great people and maybe she would get something out of it as well or at least see what I’m doing every week. I feel like she should see what I’m doing to stay sober so maybe it can inspire her to cut back on her drinking, though I never directly told her that… well yesterday I asked her if she would come with and she said of course. But when she got home from work she said she was too tired and was going to go to bed early… well the meeting was probably the best meeting iv had in a long time, two people’s relatives came and there was a new person at her first meeting in life. I shared with them what I have been doing these last 6 months and shared some of my story… it was one of those meetings where I left feeling better than I ever had while drinking. Anyway I get out, go to my buddies house and get home around 930 and she is still wide awake, playing with the dog… I felt so disappointed and hurt because I wish she could have been there to see me share some of what iv been doing… I don’t know if I should just stop asking her to come but I know if she does, it may help her too. I’m also too chicken shit to call anyone on the phone about this so here i am asking you wonderful people what you think?
I’m sorry she didn’t come tonight @Steve92. But I don’t think you should stop asking her. It doesn’t sound like it’s causing friction between you. Just disappointment on your end though. Do you ask her every month?
the last few months yeah
but usually i dont get home until like 11 or 12 on tuesday nights, but tonight i left my buddies early because i was uncomfortable being there
I guess it depends on what you really wanted out of her coming along. Is it for her to maybe get something from it or just to see and know how hard you’re working to stay sober? If it’s the first one, I’d lay off on it. If there is anything we should know it’s that people won’t help themselves until they’re ready. If you just want her to know how hard you’re working, and the importance of her having the knowledge of your process can online help you in your journey. And, God forbid, if you ever come upon a time when relapse is right in front of you, her knowing how to help you is a good thing.
I say keep inviting her also what’s the worst that you hear no. That’s not a scary word. I would suggest you adjust your expectations. But if it eats at you do what you need to
i mainly wanted her to go so she could maybe get something out of the meeting for herself. I guess i should just not let it get to me and lay off
Keep asking. Don’t give up, don’t make it that easy for her! She may agree one day, she may not, but by continuing to ask she’s getting the message that it’s really important to you. And remember, whatever she decides is out of your control, asking is really all you can do. I’m too chicken shit to ask anyone to go with me…so that’s awesome that you’re making that effort. 
Definitely don’t let it get you. @Chad_R and @Elisabeth have said it better than I did. You can keep asking, but you can’t control their answer. Maybe you can lead by example. Keep working your program. Any chance your meetings float and you could host one at your place? I don’t go to meetings, I play golf with my support network, so I don’t know how they are set up. My thought being, if you can’t get her to go with you, bring it to her. It doesn’t have to be a structured meeting, maybe just a gathering.
for a drinker the worst thing is for a ex drinker to “preach” to them. quite frankly it pisses them off. Invite her by all means but dont force the issue.
At the end of the day your absistance from alcohol is private thing so keep it that way.
You would likewise get negative if a vegan insisted that his lifestyle should be followed by you and kept asking you to go to meetings.
Keep asking her. Adjust your expectations about why you want her to come. She’s fighting her own battle and you can’t make people want what you have until they’re ready. You’re already living by example. She knows who to go to when she’s ready.
I agree with the others…keep asking. But I think you have to accept that she has to make the decision herself and accept that she may not make the decision you like. But you love her…you want her to learn too…keep asking.
Sorry about your mom @Steve92. I would not expect your mom to have a change of heart. You can’t change anyone else. You can only change yourself.
its so great you want her to come to be proud of you,understand you more…and maybe…even by accident,help herself. My mother is addicted to dr. perscribed oxycodone,it makes me so sad i dont know or recognize her anymore, she gets defensive if i bring up having her come to a meeting . You are very lucky she is even contimplating coming. i hope you’ll never give up on her…i wont give up on mine
Everyone wants the approval of their parents… maybe if you subtly make it about you and wanting her to be proud of you when you ask she wouldn’t feel as uncomfortable?
Either way, don’t stop asking… but don’t push it either. If you’re feeling disappointed every time then maybe try asking every once in a while instead of each month?
I hope you feel better about this soon <3 it’s a hard position to be in and you’re handling it wonderfully.
Maybe she doesn’t think its that big of a deal to you if she doesn’t go. Moms tend to like to be included. Maybe you could just sit down with her today and tell her how great the meeting was (and why it was so great) and then let her know that you missed her presence during. I feel like it would make an impact in this instance especially because others brought in their relatives.
But of course if (after you explain how much it means to you) she is still standoffish I would back off for a while. She needs to know how much this means to you. Obviously you can tell her how you feel without mentioning that you think she could benefit from it. That may be taken as if you are trying to change her. But if you make it about you and your feelings then she might be receptive.
I don’t think you should give up. I’m sorry your mom didn’t come and I know how disappointing it is for you. Keep your head up and don’t give up on your sobriety.
Hi @Steve92,
I think it is wonderful that you are concerned about your mom’s drinking. As another member said, if anyone had approached me and asked if I wanted to go to a meeting, I would have been angry that they thought I had a problem.
However, another member made a good suggestion: tell your mom that you are very happy lately with the changes you’ve made in your life. You are happier, more peaceful, and generally in a good way. You can tell her you believe your changes are because of the program. Expound on how much the program means to you. Ask her if she would be willing to go to an open meeting, where people with problems go as well as people who don’t. You could tell her that her support of you at that meeting would mean a great deal to you, much the way the other people not in the program attend and support their loved ones in the program. This way, her attendance is all about supporting you. Once she attends, she can’t help but hear the stories told and see some of those as a reflection of her drinking. Once an alcoholic hears the messages delivered in AA, it changes their drinking. Who knows, eventually, she may want to attend for her own issues.
I think you are a wonderful son to care this much about your mom. She may be too proud to admit to you or even to herself that she has a problem. Be gentle in your approach and someday she may come around herself. Also though, be prepared for the fact that she might never take that journey for herself.
Good luck to you and your mom. Stay strong!!