Not that I’m looking for advise…but I need to get this off my chest!
I am 9 1/2 months sober and loving it! My husband still drinks which is fine with me as he never really gets out of hand. However I’m just bored in our marriage as we only do things that involve him drinking, which when I was drinking with him it was fun, but now looking at it through sober eyes I’m bored.
I am not bored in general as I keep myself busy but with my husband it seems like something changed. We spend no time together he’s to busy at the neighbors drinking playing poker or fishing. He just never makes time for me/us and I’m super sad. But I have tried to understand that I am the one who has changed, but I’m still out going and fun…it’s just not fun with him.
I feel empty inside and it hurts because I have so much love to give, but don’t want to love him.
Not sure what I want to do should I stay or should I go…
I have never been to an Al-Anon meeting, for the family and friends of alcoholics, but I hear good things about it.
Crazy how it can change. Wife and I always drank together, we were each others best drinking buddy.
We both got sober and the rift spreads by the day, it’s almost like drinking was the glue that held us together.
Only you can answer whether you should stay or go, but being that you’re 9.5 months I’ll throw out the age old advice of don’t make any drastic changes for the first year of sobriety.
That crazy glue…
I would rather fight for my marriage, I just needed to get out…thanks for being a sound board or message board
Definitely crazy glue the drinkers codependency was very real.
I’m almost 18 months sober now, life has changed so much. I love my wife, but as I have posted before the sparkle isn’t what it used to be. Anything worth having is worth working for.
Congrats on 18 months.
Yeah that’s a good way of saying it…“the sparkle is gone” and worth fighting for…
I too feel the same. My wife who is a “normy” still has her evening drinks. I’m almost two years sober and we have grown apart. Not sure what to do especially if she takes a new job in Illinois as I feel I may not want to go. We have kids so that makes it complicated. She has never seen me sober like this in our 16 years of marriage so its definitely part of our change. One other part of our equation is her mother lives with us. I have a hard time with this lady as she’s a bit of a slob. So when I get upset with my mother in law, my wife feels like I’m picking on her. So as I reread my response to you Barbara I am not much help with your post except were both sober and struggling with our spouses. Were not alone on our journeys. I wish you well and hope things can work out. There are a alot of incredible people on this app who always have great suggestions or advice like CaptAZ.
Me and my husband were best drinking buddies however thankfully, he was sober st the time of marriage and we’ve only been married a year. So sobering now I believe to have so far been beneficial, as he seems much more excited to talk to me and interact with me when I’m not drink or tipsy
Have you tried planning a secret trip and just getting out of town for a weekend? If you plan everything you can steer it away from drinking. You guys would probably have a blast. I’m always a fan of secluded cabin in the woods. Far from bars and whatnot. It’s also affordable.
Wow that’s hard as you have a moving parts and time invested.
Maybe the move could be good…fresh start
But I not the best with advise, but sometimes just putting it out there with no judgement helps.
Way to go on 2 years!
I thought being sober would bring us closer as I’m much more fun sober…but it has drifted us apart…I’m hoping we can talk soon and figure this out.
I would love that! But if we did, he would bring a cooler… honestly we just need to talk. Hoping this Sunday!
Have the car packed and ready to go when he gets home and just jump right in. I know it seems like you are putting in all the work, and you are, but sometimes that’s the amount of work it takes. He doesn’t have to stop drinking, but if he sees he can have fun without it things will improve
I’ve heard of it but have not read it. Thanks for the response though as it’s worth a shot
When i went to meetings i met new friends we went bowling and days out did my own thing met for coffee but if you think hes not interested maybe talk to him tell him how you feel you never know he might change wish you well
You’re not alone. It seems that sobriety often lifts the veil from our eyes and we begin to see things as they are. I think in long term relationships we fall into our roles, i.e. providers, caretakers etc. Sometimes, as we grow up, our roles change, sometimes they change together and sometimes they change individually. When they change individually, then the relationship is out of balance and each person may not be having their needs met. I was at that point last year. I was the caretaker of the house my wife was the provider. When I first quit drinking, I decided that I no longer wanted to be the caretaker and thus resentment was created. It took work on my part to restore the balance and now we’re both happy.
Anyway, that’s my nutshell take on sobriety and relationships. Like others mentioned, definitely give it time. Wish you well!
Thank you…He is busy today…I have already expressed to him we need to talk. I just don’t want to force it. Hoping tomorrow he will make time.
Yes eyes wide open! And I know there is a shift in our relationship, I am willing to put in the effort I just hope he is. Hoping to talk tomorrow.
Thank you for your insight
Being bored is thin gruel, if you want a reason to leave your marriage, IMHO.