I’ve been noticing a severe uptick in negative and ir unsupportive comments in peoples feeds lately, including my own. Nobody, NOBODY, that is using this forum can sit in judgement of someone else. Some people I have noticed will sit high and mighty with this thought they are somehow more right or better than someone. Quit your shit. From now on if someone leaves a negative comment on my feeds, you will be called out or completely ignored, depends on the day. For those that are supportive, thank you.
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If you see a comment that you feel is negative just flag it for the moderators. It does no good to degrade or fight in the forums.
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You seem to be holding onto a lot of negativity yourself if I am to be honest. I know this is supposed to be a safe place full of helpful people, but it is the internet after all. You will meet a lot of viewpoints you will not agree with. Consider it practice for being open about your addiction outside of this place. If you let the people here put you into a tailspin when they are less than supportive, you may not fare so well in the real world.
TL:Dr - some people are jerks, how they affect YOU is a decision YOU make.
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In the real world, I am just as honest if not more. So don’t jump to a conclusion next time. That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. Instead of going to your own analysis of someone, maybe ask some questions to see if there is somthing else going on.
I have been avoiding this topic but I … Okay I think what we see a lot of times is directly related to how we a feeling. I get discouraged at times but most of those times I know it’s me. How can I blame anyone else for not providing what I need exactly at the moment I need it. This place is full of living breathing people are they all going to be perfect at every minute? I think as with most situations look inside before looking outward. Just my two cents.
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I agree with @anon53189373. My feelings exactly.
Regarding relapsing. IMO . . . relapsing is not part of the process; it is part of the problem. To suggest otherwise is enabling. It is like telling someone it is alright to drive if they have been drinking as long as they do so carefully.
We need to get serious about and encouraging sobriety. Dont drink, GET HELP, work a program, stay sober. Quitting drinking is easy. Staying sober is hard work. For those struggling with staying sober (aka repeat relapsers) you really need more help than this forum can provide. Time to get serious. No excuses. No rationalizing. Just do it. There are many people here with long term sobriety (greater than six months) to support and nuture your sobriety. Seek out their good counsel when needed.
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I do agree for the most part. Using has kind of giving myself a habit of instant gratification. However, i always try to give an opinion either in the form of a question or I wait to find a constructive way to say somthing. Not a ‘I think you’re this and this is why I’m right and you’re wrong’. Just wish more people would try to help others look for a solution.
Everybodys addiction and recovery is different. Everyone has different triggers. Just try to be more helpful and help them find a solution.
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I will try to help you see something now, just because they don’t do it exactly your way does it mean they are wrong or less authorized. I’m sorry I keep seeing “me” in your posts. This world will not always be exclusively for you.
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I understand @anon53189373 and @DrunkNoMore the relapse threads are hard to repeatedly watch but I can tell you I tried every way possible for me to try to drink like everyone else. I kinda expect to hear others trying to be the one exception to addiction. I don’t coddle them but they have a right to seek help here to. It took me a lot of years to find a program and YES it saved my life but not everyone will get it the first time. I do think it is something of a generational thing…I only joined the forum when I decided to get serious and yep I mean for me it was to hopefully be my last time. So I do try to practice patience but I will not say it’s part of the process because once you are ready I hope it’s not part of the process
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If I may, this is precarious territory for alcoholics. Especially those of us new in recovery or just coming back. Remember, selfishness and self- centeredness was our problem. When we’re active in our addiction it’s all about us and where we will get our next fix. We tried to control every situation and people around us to that end. When we remove the substance we’re still left with our warped thinking. Still trying to control people, places, and things. The danger is in when we can’t control those things we’re frustrated. Which in turn can lead to resentments. Resentment is the #1 offender. It kills more alcoholics (addicts) than anything else. Because to resent is to drink (use). And to drink is to die. So as the saying goes, Live and Let Live. It’s hard enough to get our own thinking straightened out let alone try to influence someone else’s. Hope this doesn’t rub anyone the wrong way. Just sharing from the heart. 15 days and grateful to be sober another day!
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So what’s going on Jim and how can I be of service?
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For most people dealing with addiction recovery is anything but a straight line. In fact, it is typically a long, winding path, with ups and downs, successes and disappointments and often instances of backsliding or relapse, in which someone returns to using their substance(s) of choice and/or doing a problematic behavior.
For an alcoholic, for example, one drink may only be a slip, and they’re able to get back into their recovery program without a hitch. For others, that first drink is the start of a major slide into total relapse. The difference is how much the person’s life — and his or her relationships, job, finances and/or health — is negatively impacted. If the situation reverts to where it was prior to treatment, it’s like starting over. The addict may very well need to return to treatment to get properly grounded and maintain sobriety. Many addicts go back to treatment multiple times.
Relapse is not a failure but instead a common — and very frustrating — part of recovery from addiction. The truth is that many recovering addicts have one or more relapses: Up to 60% of patients who receive substance abuse treatment will relapse within one year, according to the Journal of the American Medical Association — and the relapse rate is even higher for some drugs, like heroin. Gambling addiction has similar rates: About 50% to 75% of gamblers resume gambling after attempting to quit, according to the National Center for Responsible Gambling.
What’s most important to understand is that recovery is a lifelong healing process and relapse is a sign that you need to re-evaluate and modify your strategy. If you’ve just experienced a relapse it’s probably far from easy to face what happened — and you may even heap blame on yourself, that somehow you should have been able to avoid using again. But that’s counterproductive. It’s also a mistake to think to yourself, Oh, this is it. I’m going downhill again and there’s nothing I can do about it. That’s just not true. Instead, start by recognizing that you did slip and redouble your efforts to overcome your cravings and urges and better understand and control your triggers. You don’t have to have all the answers right now. What’s most important is your desire to move past your relapse and forward with your recovery.
Sources: Journal of the American Medical Association; National Center for Responsible Gambling; National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism; The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
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This is kind of a touchy subject, and I’m sure there’s been a few feelings pinched. I’m a few days from eight months and as I read this several things rang a bell with me. Just saying I am feeling like I am getting a solid grip on what’s going on, but reading here reinforced a couple of things. For new folks and ones having a rough go at it, read these post carefully if you will, there is several people posting here with solid time and advice. And you will see they don’t agree on everything, but it’s solid info. To the posters thanks for keeping this a civil, rational discussion that is useful to the ones who are reading it.
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I basically use this sight to remind myself everyday of what i was. Reading some stories good or bad even advice good or bad is just reading…Find what you need to find in these comments or stories and use them to your advantage that will uplift your spirits, challenge your brain, make you think about your decisions and just disregard others…There are some really good people on here with really good advice and people that will uplift your spirits in rough times…You have the power to choose who to respond to and what to read. Me personally i can find even something positive in a negative comment. .
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See this is what I’d like to see. Sharing somthing personal thay you’ve gone through or from source to give advice on a similar situation to those that need it or ask for it. We are here to help eachother as a community. So there is no need to run folks down for feeling or thinking a certain way.
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This has been an interesting read today. As for my 2 cents, you are what you bring to the table in life and in recovery. If you are one who complains, whines, and blames in life, you’ll bring that to recovery and this forum. If you take responsibility, are selfless, and supportive, you bring that to life and this forum. Personally I view myself as positive, reflective, and encouraging… I try to apply that to everyday life and bring that here when i post.
We are all going about this differently. It’s harder for some for whatever reason, easier for others. We all support eachothers success. And I think that’s where it ends.
As far as the content of the board, if there is something you want up there, create it. If you’re tired of negativity or belittling of what the forum is, as someone stated above, avoid the topic. Watch the words you use. Remember that one of the best things about this forum is its honesty, because we all have to be honest with ourselves to admit we fucked up and got here. That honesty rolls over to discussions sometimes. And if someone’s comment upsets me on this forum, that’s on me, not them. I’m responsible for my actions, reactions, words, and emotions. And of I’m not in control of those… Well I ain’t going to be successful. And in some way… I think that applies to all of us.
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Good read, i like that
Thanks Jim. Normally I’d avoid this one all together. I also know that the last week hasn’t been ideal for you. When negative or undesired outcomes, as you experienced this week happen, it’s easy to protect that disappointment elsewhere. Head up, fighting, working, positive can change our perception. And as long as you avoid past troublesome behaviors, you’ll get What you want. In time.
How many times did you relapse until you got it right? (And not to mention even with 10 years under your belt, you’re not immune to a relapse, so…) Yes I have noticed a lot of new people come here and post about their relapses multiple times after 2 weeks or smth like that. At least they’re here and the seed of sobriety has been already planted in their brain. It may still take them 10 years to get fully sober, and so what? I am only 26 and I hope to remain sober from now until the rest of my life, but I consider myself lucky to get to this point. And even so, I still had many failed attempts at being “a normal drinker” and trying to moderate, and hell, even just plain old weak-willed relapse. What I’m trying to say is that people are here, they’re sturggling, I don’t think nobody’s here to troll (and if they are, that’s their problem really to waste their time). There are still many people with siginificant time sober whom to have conversations with.
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