Simply being aware

Your Story
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I’m a 30-year-old doctor.

For most of my adult life, I thought I had a pretty good understanding of substance use. Perhaps that’s because I had seen it from both sides: professionally and personally.

Over the years I’ve used cannabis, LSD, ketamine, MDMA, DMT, salvia, mescaline, and alcohol.

One thing that’s important to me is this: I was never high at work. Not once. I never saw patients while intoxicated, never showed up impaired, and never mixed my responsibilities as a doctor with drug use. These experiences happened on vacations, days off, or during periods when I wasn’t working.

However, looking back, I think I sometimes used that fact as evidence that everything was under control…maybe it was..maybe not..

I’ve now been free from all drugs for 1 year, 5 months, and 14 days.

Alcohol was the one thing that stayed..and alcohol was different..It wasn’t dramatic. There were no rock-bottom stories. No arrests… No lost jobs… No interventions.It was much quieter than that.

I’d be stressed. Burned out. Frustrated. Studying for exams or trying to escape my own thoughts for a few hours.A drink would seem harmless..Then another…then suddenly it would be 3 a.m…the next day would be gone. Sometimes the day after that as well.

It seems that the biggest things alcohol took from me weren’t obvious at the time. Not money. Not relationships. But lost opportunities, time, energy and where I could have been today.

The small daily gains that slowly build a life.Today I’m 14 days alcohol-free.

I know that’s not a long time in the grand scheme of things. However, it feels different this time because I’m no longer trying to prove that I can control it.

I’m simply trying to be honest about what it has cost me.Perhaps that’s where recovery starts…not with a grand declaration… Not with certainty…just with the willingness to stop arguing with reality. So today, I’m grateful for 14 days.

I’m currently working towards to get into a specialty branch and complete my post graduation degree. Studying everyday. Meditation. Connecting with family and my partner everyday. Regularly journaling. Being aware about any feelings/thoughts/emotions without judging, condemning, justifying, rejection or suppression. Just observing directly with full awareness and nothing else. So far, it has helped me immensely.

So yeah.. that’s my story.

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Thanks for sharing your story friend. And welcome to the site. Big congrats on 14 days of freedom from all substances. Doesn’t matter the day count, it’s all one day at a time for all of us.

Gratitude for sobriety. And honesty, honesty towards ourselves in the first place. Two cornerstones of recovery if you ask me. Good work. Keep going. Wishing you all success.

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Thank you so much for your well wishes!

Having slight cravings due to the habitual past triggers that were developed due to choosing escapism but I’m happy with how I feel sober most of the times.

I’ve successfully quit cannabis and other psychedelic drugs for almost a year and half. And that gives me motivation to deal with quitting alcohol as well.

I hope you’re doing good as well. :rose:

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Welcome. The moment you get honest and take positive counter action is when the magic starts. Great work on two weeks.

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Your story sounds overly familiar. I told myself my whole adult (and teenage) life I couldn’t be an alcoholic, alcoholics drink everyday and don’t have a job, hide bottles around the house and are wasted at work. How can I be an alcoholic if I only drink a couple of times a week/month and I have a good job, house etc. Alcohol abuse is insidious it intertwines itself into your being if you have that slightly faulty wiring that gets the huge dopamine hits from drinking. Saying I’ll just have one or two tonight because it’s Friday and I’m off until Monday quickly turns into a 3am bender and you feel powerless to stop it is literally a sobering realisation yeah, this really is a problem.

As someone else said, it’s not about the days, it’s about the awareness and you got that in abundance, keep going :flexed_biceps:

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Well done Dr i went to meetings way before you were born and it worked im still sober wish you well

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@Mobius this is probly thee most important thing a dr can hear about their sobriety..

@Soho_JK
Your 30 years old
Your young
It is not your fault about your partying

However

As a dr
Lets play the alcohol tape forward

Lets say you picked up right now and didnt stop for a full 10 years.. where would you see yourself at the end of that 10 years

You dont need to answer but
Read the quote after you play the tape forward 10 years

I highly suggest changing your user name and to stay annonomous
Youll be able to shere safely if you do so without connecting alcohol or other use with your degree

Please keep comming back

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Thank you Sir for your wishes!

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I only made this account to keep an online journal since it comes in handy so didn’t think about the username while creating the account.

However, I’ve messaged Robin about the same and will change it soon.

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No worries here

One day at a time

Keep coming back no matter what

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I read your other comment as well.

I was just being honest about my past drug usage which included things other than alcohol.

I understand your choice for making that statement. And I respect your choice for not seeing a doctor with such a history.

Not trying to defend or justify my actions, but I’ve always kept my work and personal life seperate. It is always a rule to never work while under the influence of any drug/alcohol.

By god’s grace, my habits have only harmed my personal health and never have I ever fallen short in providing adequate care to my patients or caused any harm to any patient in my career yet.

Most of my senior consultants used alcohol so I also engaged in it but little did I know that I have an issue with self control as well.

Currently, I’m working on refining my skills day by day, regularly engaging in academics and practice while taking care of my own mental health using healthy coping mechanisms.

Thank you for the motivation and honesty!

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I can relate to what you’re saying!

That’s how I always ended up drinking at weekends.

Overworked. Exhausted. Seeing debilitating and terminal illness all around. With little time for myself and for connecting with my loved ones.

Instead of learning by seeing the patients that were suffering due to alcohol usage, I turned a blind eye to that and justified my use by saying to myself that I’m only drinking on my days off.

Thank you for your well wishes!

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Welcome Akash! Thank you for sharing a bit of ur story! Huge congratulations on all your timers! Especially the 2 weeks of being alcohol free!! Youre in a very support place!

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Thank you for your appreciation!:sparkles:

Taking one step at a time! :turtle:

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How are you doing today? Hope recovery is going well for you!

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Congratulations on your sober time, and welcome to the forum.

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Thank you so much! :sparkles:

I hope you’re doing well