It’s been rly hard lately to be single and living alone. I rly want to spend time and feel close to someone but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anytime soon. I want to be in someone’s bubble and not be doing everything alone. Reading working out nothing is helping - how can I try and meet someone during a pandemic? Restrictions have lifted a bit but no clubs or fun bars or anything to usually meet someone… idk what to do but it feels like life is just passing me by
3 Likes
Focus on finding happiness with yourself before dating. Creating a co-dependent relationship will only make things worse. Romantic relationships are not a sobriety plan. You’re more likely to find a drink before you find love.
15 Likes
Are you able to stay sober while you are alone?
2 Likes
I’ve been lonely af for the last 5 months. Expect for when my two beautiful girls are home. I always think I was friends to hang with, not looking for a gf at all fuck that. But some friends, idk it’s gods plan I’m letting him guide me, sometimes I wonder what the heck he is doing bc this is seriously lonely as heck. I’m trying my best to love myself. It’s a struggle for sure and lately I’ve been a little on the miserable side. I also know anyone prob did invite me to hang out id say no thanks 
8 Likes
Are you looking for friendships or a romantic relationship? Your need for connection is totally understandable…connection is embedded in our biology and evolutionary history. I just listened to this podcast with Johann Hari who advocates “the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection”. He’s got a famous Ted Talk that summarizes his theory. Anywho, what are you doing now to support your Sobriety? Is there anyway you could find platonic connections through that avenue? Online meetings, in person meetings, acts of service for others etc.
Here’s the podcast if you’re interested, podcasts can kinda help me soften the loneliness at times.
9 Likes
Oh I am, I do everything you’re supposed to: work out, read (have read over 12 books in 3 months), volunteer, hang with friends, full time job. There are just no opportunities with the pandemic, it’s usually not so hard and online dating just isn’t working
I’ve been doing it alone this whole time so I guess lol just use sites and the internet to help. I’ve told my friends but no one else is quitting drinking or anything
1 Like
Thanks - I’ll check it out. Idk what I want exactly, i think because all of my friends have partners and are doing everything with them (rather than me). Not to say we haven’t been hanging out, but only park hangs, no one wants to invite anybody inside or share a tent or something so it’s rly limiting… I want someone to be in my bubble and feel like I don’t need to everything “fun” by myself.
2 Likes
I stumbled upon your post and I feel the exact same way. I have 38 days sober today coming back from having 3.5 months and 10 + months before that from alcohol. I get up in the morning and say my third step prayer go to two AA meetings a day, reach out to both my sponsors, pray at night before bed, do a light workout before bed, run or walk daily. I know I would get criticized by some people in here for saying not to date within the first year but it’s true. however I have been very close to going back to a drink especially yesterday because I am not avoiding people places and things. I was literally just googling Truman show disorder because I feel like my life is one big act and people are watching me try to find happiness and then the director tells them to pull it away to see how I react for others to watch. I wanted to get lobster and oysters for myself for Fourth of July but I threw a pity party for myself and said why would I even enjoy something nice for myself when I don’t have a girlfriend or a wife or kids to enjoy it with so I just boiled up some raviolis and sauce, lame. I saw no fireworks yesterday and didn’t do anything fun but sat home by myself. I’m starting to wonder if people are having parties but I’m not aware of them and not being invited because they have one or two children of a young age and they can still drink and they don’t want a third wheel wet blanket to be there. I was on three dating apps recently hinge, bumble, Facebook dating and I literally only got like six matches after a week and I’m only talking to one person right now. Due to covid-19 want to meet up for a 6 foot social distance walk. since my last breakup and relationship I haven’t been laid in 9 months and I’m a 35 year old male. I just feel like other people my age are allowed to go to craft breweries and get t-shirts and glassware and fill up growlers and buy cans and cases of awesome varieties of beer and what am I really living for when I don’t even have a family or girlfriend or wife and kids to love, the booze has been taken away from me,and I go grocery shopping and take care of the house and mow the lawn for what… Should just be alone, sad, depressed and anxious? Just wanted to vent but let you know you’re not alone.
5 Likes
What makes this forum great is that I am never alone in my thoughts or can relate to many others near and very far!
I’m lonely also… I’ve also built enough strength with my program, my sponsor, my fellows and my higher power to not put myself down while I’m going through my days alone at home. I just got fired after starting a new job so reasons I don’t believe. I sulked for two days but didn’t pick up!! I chopped wood, played frisbee golf, called people, played video games and cooked some yummy meals. After the two days led me to today and I’m already feeling ok about what just happened.
I guess my point is, I’m not feeling sorry for myself but rebuilding myself, alone and that is the greatest gift I’ve received from AA. Life goes on and so must I. Hugs my friend.
7 Likes
I totally hear you! I would love to have that with someone as well. Stay strong, stay sober, and I’m sure you’ll find that relationship you’re wanting.
4 Likes
Everyone who was here when I started this forum probably remembers my insane attempts at getting back in to the dating game. It was usually fun and lightheaded banter, but what isn’t talked about was the fact that I really hurt someone who I cared about because I rushed back in to a relationship I wasn’t ready for. It’s one thing for an alcoholic in early recovery to make poor choices in their own life. But a relationship is two people that can be hurt. Rushing in to a relationship is selfish. I know because I was there. Just because you are lonely doesn’t mean you are ready for the ups and downs of a relationship.
7 Likes
I totally hear ya. Doing just about anything is so much more satisfying and fulfilling with a partner- for me anyway. I don’t fit into the “one must be able to be happy alone” mantra. Nope. Not me, I’ve never been that way. I’m social and I crave human interacting and collaborating. I’m getting a little satisfaction out of caring for a tomato garden this summer… A little. I’d rather be with a partner. I don’t think that’s a weakness. I have a lot to offer. Sorry… Didn’t mean to blab about myself… However what you wrote struck a chord in me. I get it.
5 Likes
Part of my sobriety and journey is to find who I am again. Until then I dont want to fake my way thru another relationship attempt only to be met with failure. I guess it helps that I am totally ok being 100% single. Of course I miss the companionship but I also enjoy the freedom of single life. I wont run from something if it happens but if I look honestly at myself, I need to work on me before I can give it my all in a relationship.
9 Likes
I completely understand how you feel. I’ve been struggling to find someone for years now, long before my sober journey started. I just had my 31st birthday and more panicky thoughts are starting to pop up. (What if I never find someone? What if I do but it’s too late for me to have children? What if I end up alone with 20 cats??) All we can do is be the best people we can be and have faith that it will work out.
5 Likes
Dear TS friends and fellow ‘strugglers’ 
I totally relate to all of you (I think) yearning for that connection with a partner.
I was married for 30 years before my addiction destroyed the marriage. We were separated for over 2 years, had loads of therapy (individual and couples) but my wife was never going to feel ‘safe’ with me in the house.
So I have been on my own nearly 3 years now - 8 months (amicably) divorced… We can talk ok now and the worst of the breakdown has healed. I have a very good relationship with my 2 sons (nearly 28 and 30) and thankfully have renewed communication with my daughter (25) who cut herself off for a long time.
I have a very supportive church fellowship and I Whatsapp video chat weekly with my 2 older brothers who understand me, plus 2 friends who have had their share of suffering.
I stopped drinking 10 months ago (which would lead me to my DOC which I still struggle with). I am definitely in a better place with my own well being, but like many of you, I yearn for a partner to share conversation with, hugs etc.
I guess the most important thing is to learn to be content who and where we are… certainly is a challenge!
Best wishes to all, thanks for reading this long post 
6 Likes
I do feel for you. I’m married but my daughter lives in Berlin she lives in a house share but doesn’t really see anyone. Berlins lock down was that you could go to the shops for food and that was it. She said that she missed human touch and didn’t know when she would be able to hug someone. She too is a big reader and gamer but it wasn’t enough. Luckily their lockdown has relaxed and she can meet people and have a gig again. Thankfully she doesn’t drink. Take care x
4 Likes
Thanks so much everyone for your stories, I read everyone and it’s nice to know that im not alone. I was feeling particularly sad when I posted that, feeling better now, enjoying some ice cream. Hope you’re all doing okay.
5 Likes
For me, being alone in sobriety is when I started to do the real deep and life changing inner work with no distractions. In working a program, I found companionship and friendship with those that get my new sober life. I have obtained a sponsor who I can call when I need to and who can walk me through the steps to discover my own unhealthy patterns that played into me being alone. She told me not long ago, until you do this work you shouldn’t get involved with anyone and mess with someone else’s life as you’ll likely continue to cause damage to them AND to yourself. She’s right. It would be something shiny to distract me and make me feel better temporarily, but my happiness really needs to come from the inside. If my happiness and contentment comes from a source outside of myself, it’ll be impossible to maintain as it’s conditional and depending on someone else to give me happiness. I heard last night, find your soul and your mate will come. So I’m accepting being alone and finding out what makes my soul sing without worrying about finding other people to fill my inner voids. The right person will come along when I’m a whole and healthy person on my own. To get different results, I’ve got to try doing things a whole different way and I’m thankful for my sober tribe showing me the way.
5 Likes
A huge part of sobriety is learning how to be alone, not lonely. with everything happening in the world I totally get why-even more-so-you want someone by your side. I found honestly my support dog to be my best friend during those beginning months. Eventually you’ll enjoy being alone & someone will come into your life when you least expect it. For now, use this alone time to find yourself-you’ll be pleasantly surprised 
2 Likes