Good Morning from NC. I’m trying to get sober again and this app has been the most helpful since I first started my journey. I’m an Army veteran who goes to therapy constantly but I’ve never really admitted I had a drug “issue” until this year. I always knew what I was doing and why and so at times I would even quit on my own for years at a time. I thought that meant I was in control. Problem is when I get depressed I CRAVE something/anything and honestly ultimately relapse. My relationship is helpful but also destructive for me mentally. I get no mental support from my partner and so I’m always feeling alone. My “main” drug of choice is weed, but if I can’t find that I’m looking for Molly, X, or Mushrooms (and possibly porn). I just look for anything to distract me from feeling alone. No matter how many times I express this to my partner she either ignores me during PTSD episodes or adds onto my insecurities by ignoring me for DAYS at a time. I just told her that lately I’ve been extremely anxious due to not having a job before the holidays AND having a new job that I’ve just started. It may sound confusing but I know that my anxiety can take over and make absolutely no sense at times. I’ve explained that it has nothing to do with the family and that I’m just REALLY sad. My girlfriend told me “that just doesn’t make sense”, which as we know, wasn’t the best response. I went to the VA to request a new medication immediately. Something so I would be able to hear shit like that and still be ok. My current relationship is always on and off and honestly I feel like one of the MAIN issues I have is feeling a lack of support. I’m proud of how far I’ve gotten in life. I’ve had “support” from people along the way but mostly people that I knew were only around because I’d buy drugs. We just broke up and I’m just looking for a very nonjudgmental group of people who can just be here. I’m not the type who gets offended by advice as long as it’s all constructive. I love to learn and grow instead of being told what I CAN’T do. I prefer people EXPLAINING why I shouldn’t do things, being supportive, and allowing me to figure out a plan.
Thanks for reading and thanks for any support.
- Clarke