So, Hi, ahmm…
Well, may name is Marlo, i’m probably one of the younger ones around here as i’m only 17 years old. I’m new to the forum, i have been using sobertime for some time though. I need some help and advice from you out there. So, my story is, i’m 17 and have been watching porn more or less excessively for the last two years(i think, not sure how long it actually was) to the point where i “got off”(is that an apprppiate term? I’m german) up to five times a day watching porn. But why i reached out is not my addiction, but how to tell others about it and how to seek help. My father and Mother live apart, my father moved out and i’m with her and my sister. I’m yet to tell anyone about my struggles. The thing is, i dont have a really close friend of whom i know i could trust, my father isn’t available for smth. like this and he also isn’t the right person to open up to, as we never really got to an strong and open relationship (he was or is dealing with depression and stuff, i dont really know much of that, because he didn’t tell us). Me and my Mother have a very strong and trustful relationship, but i fear to hurt her by not having said anything for two years, also she seems to believe that she succesfully kept away the “evils of the internet (porn usw.) from us. I’m scared of being terribly missunderstood, of being rejected. Then there is my uncle, a person who would love to help me and sure can deal with me opening up to him, but he lives pretty far away, we don’t see each other very often and can only talk trough phone calls and chat. I know that i need to talk to someone, i want to, i really want, even if my addiction is a minor problem that can be dealt with, i need to talk and be able to trust someone. I want to tell my mother because i want to not hurt our relationship, i dont want to hide all the time from the person that wants to help me and loves me the most and because there possibly are some legal consequnces connected to my internet behavior(but let’s leve that aside because of the community guidelines), so she will know it anyway. So, my question is, do you people out there have any advice on how to come out to your family safely? Thank you to everyone id advance and i hope someone reads this.
So, Hi, ahmm…
I’m a mom from 2 boys “your” age (16 and 19) and a girl (18). As a mom I can only tell I would like my child to share what’s on their mind. Whatever it is! As a mother you feel if something is bottering her child. I guess your mom too.
I think she does. But it’s scary.
But what can i tell her? How much does she need to know to help me get therapy or at least a professional person to talk to and get help?
You’re a brave guy for opening up and talking about it here Marlo. You’re braver than you think. I’m not sure what advice to give you. Like Buts says, mums like to know stuff their kids are in to or have problems with. I guess you don’t have to tell all the details. And if you want professional help you can go to your family doctor right? There is strict confidentiality between doctor and patient.
If she knows you are struggling that should be enough for her to help you get help.
I have 6 kids, the youngest is 17.
Parents know more than kids think we do, but we can’t really guess about your emotions and challenges without a bit of help on your part.
If you don’t know how to start the conversation, maybe write a short note.
I know she will want to help in any way she can.
Keep us posted, okay?
I will, yes. O’ve spent the morning thinking about how to open a conversation and how not to totally destroy her picture of me, without lying. It’s hard, but possible, i think. Thank you.
My Mother just left the House, i asked her if we could talk when she’s back. I am super nervous and curious right now. I’ll try to block any bad reactions right away by asking her to not judge me instantly and by telling her the scientific aspects of porn-related issues and all that. That’s what’s in my head right now, let’s just hope it doesn’t escalate. I’m confident that it will go well, because i know her as an understanding, constructively thinking person, and shes my mum after all. So, wish me luck.
Good luck, Marlo!!
Hi Marlo. Welcome.
I think you’re the fourth 17-year old I’ve met on TS struggling with PMO within the past month. So you’re not alone.
No one can predict how your mother will respond, but if you have her support, it will be a huge benefit for you. She can assist with getting blocks on your phone for instance.
I was 23 when I told my mom. Had to come clean about why I was going to take a 45 minute drive every Tuesday to go to an SAA meeting. She’s been very supportive over the past 25 years.
Meanwhile, you’re welcome to use us as a support system. There are over a dozen recovering porn addicts in this community. This is a great place. Thank you for sharing.
Hows it going @MCMumble?
We spoke, all went well. I now have a partner in finding the initial trigger for the whole debakel. We( that means me, my mother and our doctor) think that it started at the time my dad left the house.
So pleased to hear your mum is supporting you fantastic that you are asking for help
Awww I’m so happy that you got the courage to talk it through and that your tackling this together.what a brave and wise young man you are, if I was your mum I would be immensely proud
I know, right? It’s hard but it’s worth it. My mother is a fantastic person.
Thank you so much for the kind words😊
Stepping out and asking was definitely worth it