Guys, I am terribly sorry. Even though yesterday I was already asking for motivation, but last night, I can’t help it. That bad thoughts came again and I was like, ‘better make it worth it’. And you know what? It was never as good as it says it would. And once again I’m sorry guys, I have to reset my counter and start again on day 0.
Thankfully I can control myself and not binging, and that makes it not as bad as my usual relapse. I know it’s all awkward and uncomfortable on day 0, but I gotta do my first day before I can reach the 30 right? So wish me luck guys, I’m getting my 18 days back, and plan to go for 30!
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I’ve relapsed hundreds of times. And many of us here understand what you must be going through.
It’s hard. I know. And I’m certain you’re going to keep pressing on towards sobriety.
Let’s look into this more closely to see if there is anything that can be done differently. But I have a question.
How exactly did you act out and where did you find your DOC?
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You got this! Glad you picked yourself back up! No need to apologize to anyone on here. We’re all extremely proud of you and will support you through your journey 
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You need to remember this feeling ingrain that crappy depressed hungover inside yourself write down everything shitty you feel right now and start again if you get tempted on your journey sit and put yourself back in the moment of the hangover read through what youwrote and feel it will hopefully help best of luck
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So actually, the difficult days starts from day 14 until lately, it happened because the first week until the second I had multiple important events, so times flew fast. While lately, since important events has finished and leave me but basic routine, time flew a bit slow and my mind has nothing to make it busy anymore so those bad thoughts starts coming at me. And as we all know, I relapsed.
Time to do more than you did before.
If it was as easy as will power none of us would have a problem, there would be no sober time app.
Do you work a program? IOP? Some sober literature? Therapy? I do AA, I did IOP when I first got sober, I also did individual and couples therapy. I threw the kitchen sink at my sobriety.
I have over 470 days now. Seems like a lot, but it won’t do me any good if I go back out today or tomorrow. So I stay in the present, today is all I have. I still attend meetings, I still work on steps, I never stop trying to better myself.
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Currently I’m under no such program because of my lack of knowledge. And any supportive forum that I join is here. I would be so thankful if anyone kindly enough to show me the ropes. And FYI, I’m not addicted to alcohol, I’m addicted to PMO (which is I’m kinda embarassed to admit)
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No embarrassment man. Addiction in all forms and facets can be devastating to living the productive life you long to live for.
I don’t have any real advice or directions to point you towards aside from therapy, or a group like celebrate recovery which is Christian based.
Have you chatted with @DungeonMaster about this? He is the most knowledgeable person I know of on the subject.
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Hi @Aziz_Sofwan_S,
I’m also addicted to PMO.
I’ll be more specific.
Did you act out with porn, masturbation, or both?
If porn, then where did you find the porn?
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Hey @Aziz_Sofwan_S,
This addiction is so easy to justify. I have had dozens relapses since I admitted porn was a problem for me. You aren’t alone.
I used porn for just about any reason you can think of. It interfered with my work, my marriage, and other relationships. It lead to anxiety and depression. I still struggle with self confidence.
It sounds like boredom and alone time contributed to you slip. So, what might be some healthy choices you can make the next time you feel the urge to act out?
Do you have any 12 step programs in your area? Have you done any reading or research about this addiction?
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I understand the addiction. But, i wouldnt say i know the most abiut treatment programs and stuff. Most of my experience was in the LDS Family Services Recovery Program. It is really good though. I’d refer to someone like @MikeSeekingHope for an expert opinion on recovery.
@Mtrav0040 Mitch knows a lot about recovery programs as well.
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I act out with masturbation, but mostly I do it with porn too even though it’s not obligatory. The core of my problem is masturbation. Since I have realized the importance of porn-free life, which is late 2018, I began to try to ignore anytime I have urges, I start to read more, doing more physical activities, distracting myself with my journal, and also musical instruments. Some I keep comsistent until now, some don’t, but for me, it’s all in mindset. I start to think that I’m able to stop and that my addiction doesn’t really matter to my life and it’s not a need, it’s only one of those bad things. And as others, it’s stoppable. And since I’ve that mindset, the journey’s start to feel easier even though relapse sometimes still a problem, but not as often as when I haven’t got the mindset.
I have used the technique of distracting myself and it always works… for a time. The problem is I get lonely sometimes. I get depressed or anxious or I’m afraid. When I feel these things but ignore them then I am susceptible to relapse. I’m not dealing with the root cause and just defaulting to behaviors I learned as a child. Distraction and working hard are great when coupled with a recovery program and therapy.
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Celebraterecovery.com, find a group near you, it gives you a chance to get whatever it is you are going through off of your chest and get some healing. Nobody will judge you, everybody will love on you. Intimacy is what I lacked when I struggled with porn, God loves you completely, He will show you what true love is if you give Him a chance!
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I would recommend checking out a 12 step program. It’s not for everyone, but there are a few that are specific to our shared problem. I go to SA (sa.org), but there’s also SAA (saa-recovery.org) and SLAA (slaafws.org). Read about them and try one or all. A guy was recently in my meeting for his first time and he told us during his share that he was checking out each fellowship to find the best fit.
Know that you aren’t alone and there are resources out there. Recovery isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
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