I’ve had a hard time fully embracing the fact I’m an alcoholic. AA sounded like hogwash and even when I went, it was full of people older than me that had much worse problems resulted from drinking. So I thought I was fine.
My last hangover, I was laying around sick and stumbled upon a step 1 video. The man was hilarious but said something that hit me.
I’ve avoided calling myself an alcoholic because my dad /really/ is one. No job, abusive. But I can’t stop once I’ve started. And that’s all it takes.
I’ve realized also that the insidious thing about addiction is your brain is warped and no amount of logic can get you free. My ego as a Mensa member etc wouldn’t have that. But you need something external to knock you out of that orbit.
Yes! Brad, this is so it. I, too, for a long time used other people’s alcoholism as a way to rationalise my own because i’m not a violent drunk and I continued to a lot of things that are traditionally external measures of success. When I listen at meetings, I listen for the feelings that I can relate to, even if I can’t relate to the actions. That “hole in the soul” feeling that I was trying to fill…
Keep coming back, my friend. It is an amazing journey.
Well the biggest thing was I thought I drank a lot because I wanted to. But the last time I flat out decided I didn’t want to and I couldn’t turn the car around. I realized I wasn’t really in control.
Brad, this is so great to hear. I think at some point we have all been there. Saying I can’t be an alcoholic because, I’ve still got a job, Im not violent etc etc.
But most of us come to the same conclusion eventually, by different means and after different lengths of time.
The main thing is you have made this realisation yourself. Now you can start to work to make yourself a better person.
Welcome and well done.
Thanks. I wish it were my first welcome. I’ve been on here for 2 years off and on with varying levels of success. It does feel like a new step though.
Things have “gotten better” since drinking ruined my last relationship but I’m never going to not be an alcoholic.
I hate being different. And the feeling that I can’t do something. I’m very stubborn and keep touching the stove. I’ve drank a couple times since “coming back” on TS but never deleted it, because I knew it wasn’t right.
Congrats. I went to my first meeting yesterday, going to a second today. My initial thought pattern was similar to yours but with the added notion that my dad/uncles/cousins are alcoholics and have been through rehab, look at me, i have not and am therefore better than them. One night a week out of 7 lead to all week drinking after work.
Discussions with my wife ended last night with my comment being that my path of a week ago was a disaster…all kinds of stupid shit. Time and money wasted. Since that that wasn’t working let’s try something the complete opposite which would be AA with some sort of spiritual guidance.
I told myself that for a loooooong time, despite all the evidence to the contrary. Denial is strong in me, because for me, it’s: Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying
Thanks for the advice. I’m also getting a prescription for naltrexone to see if that will block the urge to drink. It was scary not being able to talk myself out of drinking.
Brad, I hear you on all accounts my friend. I have noticed your time on here. I’ve been here long enough to see a couple of your goes.
This time though, it appears that you are making some headway towards acceptance.
I know I speak for most people on here when I say none of us wanted to be where we find ourselves. But hey, can’t do anything about that now. So the only thing that we can do is accept it and move on.
Work on your ego now. Ego is the thing that keeps you “touching the stove”
AA will help you with this, but you have to put the ground work in. Start working on your mindset
