Well I was so close to making a month and on day 27 my brain was so wound up from work I convinced myself that only alcohol will help me unwind my brain. So now today after three days out is my new day one… perhaps I will actually make it a whole month this time. I have been trying for 20 years to stop for good. In the beginning I made it two years, a year and a half, six months, couple of months and then this year I’ve had three periods 30 days 25 days 35 days and now this last time 27 days. Second Peter 2:19 says, one is a slave to that which overcomes one (paraphrase). Well in this last three day period out I only had two drinks each night, still, alcohol overcame me again. At least I’m not beating myself up about it this time. And today I am back in the saddle again, day one. Unfortunately there are no meetings anymore in person and I am so sick of everything being virtual. I am older and so not so enamored with virtual life.
Hi CherB.
Well done on the month.
Next time you know not to listen to the inner voice when you get wound up at work.
You know how good you have felt
I noticed you joined in August and have 3 hours read time. Have you thought about actually interacting with the forum? I was on here every moment possible, reading, researching.
The serenity prayer teaches us that this is out of our control so we accept it and get on the best we can putting our sobriety first before everything else. Unfortunately this situation is here to stay for a while I think.
Im finding a whole new lease of virtual life at 53. And I used to take the micky out of my daughter for having virtual friends.
Now I’ve got loads through interaction on here.
It’s called getting uncomfortable. Because we are so comfortable in our little alcoholic cocoon that nothing is going to change unless we make it change.
Hey, Cher! Thanks for sharing this. You have a trendies amount of sober days. Lots of us newbies could gain a lot from your experiences. Hope to see you more on TS.
Thank you for writing. Having quit FB in 2014 I generally steer clear of social media. I am trying to work my way in to interacting more with this forum which is why I posted this today. I am 61 years old and I live alone with my two dogs off grid in the woods and so generally spend most of my time alone except for when I’m at work which is a very stressful busyness. I guess I’m somewhat of round peg in a square hole of this world and so I do tend to stay in my cocoon. People have always tended to be unreliable and as a child I ran away from home when I was 14 because of this. But I do appreciate your listening and your response and I will take your advice to heart. I suppose I’m a little bit jaded because this is not my first rodeo and have spent years in the rooms and yet her I am.
Thank you for your pointing out the bright side. I appreciate this. I will make more of an effort.
I seem to hit this same exact benchmark over and over again.
So what are you going to do to change things?
If nothing changes nothing changes!
@anon12657779 is totally right! Nothing changes if nothing changes! When I decided that this was my last day1 I changed soooo many things. Sounds crazy but I moved all of my house round and re decorated the main “drinking rooms” (kitchen and lounge) got rid of anything to do with drinking, wine glasses, cute little wine o’clock plaques, any booze and I completely made my space into something else. Nice mood lighting, craft / reading lightby my fave chair so I could cross stitch or just read. Filled my cupboards and fridge with herbal teas and soft drinks and delicious snacks etc… I re invented my surroundings. It’s hard, oh my it’s hard but I refuse to listen to the shit that the wine bitch goes on about when I’m H.A.L.T. Change is essential! Wishing you good luck 
lets do this together x
I think we have an inbuilt ability to self sabotage. It is usually because we think we don’t deserve a better life. I know I have done that in other areas of life as well when I am approaching a goal.
Maybe try reinforcing your worth through repeating affirmations every day. You DO deserve success. You ARE enough. 
It definately helps with the sober journey of you feel comfortable and cosy in your surroundings. I totally get it @Apes2020… Hygee all the way!
Wow, you have done some great work over the years!! Life is a learning experience for sure and we have ups and downs and we mess up…but look at you still working so hard at your goal. Love your tenacity!!
I am 59, I worked toward my sobriety for a good decade and yes, it is disheartening and soul sucking finding yourself at that point of aching for change and trying to piece the puzzle together for so many years. Draining.
Have you considered trying some new approaches to your sobriety? Coming here and reading and sharing can provide encouragement, community and a place to get support. Some other things I found helpful…
*Reading sobriety memoirs and books (library is great for this, even a virtual one)
*Moving my body…bicycle riding, walking, running, hiking
*Quieting my body/mind…yin and restorative yoga …restorative would be a great place to start…YouTube has lots to choose from, it is free and easy
*Meditation and sleep meditations helped me at night…yoga nidra as well (again on YouTube)…yoga nidra requires nothing of you but lying there and listening…very healing and relaxing and good for the brain
*Clearing my mind thru Journaling…
Just writing down my dreams and fears and life in general…getting it out
*Relaxing the body…Hot epsom baths or soaking in the hot tub (especially helpful when anxious)
*Savoring food and drink…warm teas, refreshing fizzy waters, warm brownies, cool ice cream, sweet fruits, crunchy veggies
*Keeping a list of how I want to live my life/what sobriety offers…I keep it on my phone (or in your journal) and when you start thinking, hey, maybe just one glass, read the list and remember how desperate and unhappy drinking makes you, remember why you started this path.
Just some suggestions that helped me calm myself body mind and soul and nurture myself after so many many years of my body and mind living on constant stress and heightened alert.
So glad you are here.
Just keep on trying. You’ll get there in the end
This is a great list in general. Funny, I’ve begun noticing little details like the crunch of a salad, the luxury of a neatly made bed, the nice scent of hand soap and, yup, the sweetness of mocha chip ice cream. I aspire to this setup you’ve got going.
Honestly at this point I don’t know. It just feels so deflating
You need to sit down and formulate a plan Tim.
Write it down if you have to.
At the moment are you just not drinking? Are you attending online meetings.
Are you interacting with this forum? I was on here every spare minute I had in my early days. It kept me connected to my sobriety.
Don’t let it get you down. You’re just starting, and with that you are just starting to realise how hard it’s going to be.
Do you have a copy of the big book?
Have you researched anything about our disease?
I read everything I could on here and the internet to really get to know what I was facing.
I listened to what people were saying on here.
After all, they had what I wanted.
To be honest, out of the handful of people who I followed avidly on here and did what they said. Only one has gone back out. Everyone else, including myself are or have a year plus sober.
We all interacted daily on here in the early days.
When it comes down to it, how much do you want to be sober?
What are you prepared to do to be sober?
I’m good! Day 7. Thank you for checking in and for your original message. I appreciate you taking the time to put that all together! I wish there was a desktop version of this so it would be simpler to give more lengthy responses
Well done on getting back to 7 days 
You can get this on your desktop, I just googled talking sober and saved it as a favourite on my home page. I’m not technically minded so there is probably someone who can explain if there is a better way…
Tim i’m on my laptop here at https://talkingsober.com/
So painfully slow to use a mobile when you can touch type I know the feeling 
you’ve got a tonne of days under your belt, be proud.
I hate online meetings too tbh, how about regular phone calls with a sponsor or friend. I find 1 on 1 phone calls are good for me and nothing like bit group online meetings.