I’ve been wanting to check out a second AA meeting for a while but really scared to tell my family. Hubby is out curling so I’m not telling him…tonight only. If I like the meeting and want to continue I will tell him. But since I’m leaving the kids home I thought I should tell them.
I told my oldest and she was cool. All she said was “let me know if it’s like “Mom””. But she’s 15.
I’m not sure what to say to my 12 year old. My 15 year old said I should just tell her I’m going to a Weight Watchers meeting. I’m not keen on that.
Possibly. I already told her my Monday meeting is a “meet-up group” and we just get together to talk about stuff in our lives. I didn’t think I could do that one 2 days later. LOL
I have a pretty open dialogue with my kids about alcohol. My older one understands it’s not a good thing to be drinking in excess/at all. He’s almost 10.
When I get worried about XYZ with my kids: guns, stealing, bullying, riding bike without a helmet (an 8th grader around my area was in critical condition because he flew off his skateboard and didn’t have a helmet on so I just had that conversation with them about that) etc I make myself have a conversation with them about it. I think it helps relieve my anxiety and hopefully makes them stop and think if they’re in a questionable situation. Yeah I want to keep them in a bubble but they need to know these things.
Alcohol/AA should definitely be talked about too…I would think. I would approach it in a positive way, tell the 12 year old there’s a group of people that get together and talk about not drinking and all the benefits that come from living that kind of life style.
But if you’re worried about them saying something to your husband, that’s kind of a whole other story.
When I was 12, I was 100% fully aware of my Dad being a drinker and didnt tell a soul because it wasnt anything out of the ordinary, I just knew that Mum wasnt happy.
I was also 100% aware of what AA is. If my parents had said my Dad was going to AA when I was 12 years old, Id have probably shrugged it off in genuine disbelief, got back to playing guitar and forgot about it the next few mins later.
Hi, if you’re drinking was enough fo get you to AA, maybe they would be receptive to it. My sons (12&9) were very aware of my drinking and have welcomed the change. I also tell them its something I’m doing to better the family. Although I’m not doing meetings so maybe its different.
So all was good. I told them both. Youngest was happy about me wanting to be better but like her daddy said “but you’re not an alcoholic, are you.” I just told her it didn’t matter if I was or wasn’t it only mattered that I didn’t want to drink anymore. She thought that was fabulous.
At the meeting I spoke with someone and he strongly suggested I go to a women’s meeting because they don’t recommend women and men working together. He also told me to pick up a while chip there. I never took one because I started 30 days so I took the 1 month chip that night. He said I would get lots of phone numbers if I take a white chip. LOL.
My daughter is 11 and I’ve also had a hard time knowing what to tell her. I told her it was a group of people who get together to talk about being healthier. I may be more honest and direct with her soon though. I grew up with my dad going to AA meetings, and I knew from a young age what it was all about. I was actually younger than my daughter is now. I think the open talks with my dad actually kept me away from alcohol in my teens. I didn’t start until I was 18, which was much later than most of my peers. Not sure why I’m having a hard time telling my daughter. I guess I don’t want to scare her. She hates when I’m drunk, and will probably be very happy that I’m going. So maybe I just don’t want her to think less of me? I’m not sure either. Let me know what you decide!
I don’t understand the need to hide from hubby, or lie to kids/family, or put the kids in a position where they can’t say/mention what you’ve told them to their dad. This is basic dysfunctional family crap. You should be open and honest and your family should support you and provide a united front as you continue on this PATH THAT IS GOOD FOR YOU AND NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. And what are you teaching your daughters about lying, family supports, etc., by doing this??? All this hiding and machinating is exactly the same alcoholic behavior, just instead of hiding bottles and lying, you’re hiding things you are doing to stay sober and lying. WTF!? Anyone that gives you advice that supports hiding/lying is part of the problem. Get it together woman!
You know what. I protect myself and my family by NOT telling everyone of my addiction or going to aa. For me it isnt a shameful thing, but some people are doublefaced about alcoholism, aswell as mental problems. Yes theyre idiots and no, i didnt share my brain tumour either on Facebook. Not because it would be shameful but its just my own business.
I think, this time, I need to tell just so I don’t fail. In the past it was easy to pick up a drink because no one knew how serious it was, they just saw “wow, you went so long without alcohol, good for you”.
But I’m not telling the world. Just the ones that matter most to me. I haven’t told my BFF yet, but I think she’ll be the next one…maybe. LOL. Maybe just husband and kids is enough.
Yes! This is definitely an issue for me. I didn’t tell my husband about my first meeting for that very reason. Of course he knows all about it now that I am going regularly. At first, I didn’t want him rolling his eyes at me, like ah, here we go again! I honestly think he believes I am incapable of changing, given the number of times I have tried and failed. So while I’m not keeping my attempts to cover a secret from him, I also don’t go out of my way to talk to him about it. It just doesn’t feel productive or useful to me. But I think talking to my daughter about it might be productive and useful for HER.
I think this was meant as tough love and for that I appreciate it.
But I think if you look back at old posts I have NEVER claimed to have a functional family life. We are dysfunctional as all heck. But it is something I’m working on. Baby steps. I’ve never had a functional family life all the way back to birth so I don’t have the skills.
Now, I didn’t “lie”. I did tell my kids, but I was concerned about what would be age appropriate. Up until now my youngest was told that it was a “meet up group” to “discuss issues in our lives”. There is absolutely nothing in that that is not true. But yes, now she knows the meet up group is AA.
As for my husband, he is a tricky one. He can be very judgemental. Not in a bad way, but just a “quick to judge” way. He needs to be led gently. So he knows I’ve been going to a Monday night group, but he doesn’t think I need it since “but you stopped drinking” already. To add a 2nd meeting a week on him would be a bit distressing for him. I wanted to be sure I was going to continue before I let him know about it. He did know that I was interested in trying out some other meeting formats (discussion vs speaker) but that’s all so far. As it is, I didn’t really enjoy this meeting as much (other than I saw a few friendly faces from my Monday night meeting). I am going to try a Tuesday women’s meeting.
Honestly, I am not a deceitful person. I’m actually a terrible liar. But I do have self-preservation tactics that often involve “don’t ask, don’t tell”. It prevents people from saying to me all the horrible things that I’m already saying to myself on a daily basis. I’m working on it, but after 47 years there is a lot of things to be undone.
THANKS. One thing I’m learning…every time I do step outside of that comfort zone it turns out a MILLION times better than I feared. I was so happy when my daughter smiled and did a happy dance for me last night. I know she doesn’t fully understand what it all means but she just knew it was great that I was doing something to make myself better.
