Thank you its not my first rodeo but i hope its my last i really and truly dont think my mind and body has another one of my benders really im 18 days sober from meth and herion and when the little voice in my head says oh come on one time wont hurt i have find something to concentrate on bc i know if i do it once ill be gone for months and i just cant do it anymore
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Im takin it second by second and dealing with it as life unfolds bc the last time i got cocky with it and it didnt end very well
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Ive been there. Ive been sober from meth for 6 years and heroin for 8. Its such a hard vice. I know it sounds cheesy but meetings and communities like this really helped me then and with drinking nowā¦ i know how overwhelming addiction is. Everyone here does. Youre not alone and if you ever need to be reminded of that please log on. Weāre here for you. But i know that voice. You just gotta find a voice thats louder.
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Like when i try to lay down at night my mind just wont shut off and continous random thoughts like most of it is dumb stuff thats random and sometimes i get a laugh out of it but still when i stay up late i feel like its just askin for trouble really i kinda isolate and stay in my room bc im not fully got out of the jail routine i got out august 19th
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Ive never been to jail before. But i can relate to a certain extent. Ive been in a couole different psych wardsā¦ i went to one that was VERY prison like, so i was told by some of the other patients that had been to jail. When i got home after only a month i wasnt right. So i can only imagine the isolation you must feel still. Iām so sorry for thatā¦
As far as sleep. Ive had insombia my whole life. Even 100mg trazadone didnt work for me. Here are some tips for whats helped me:
I journal every night before bed. 3 things im gratful for, 3 goals for tomorrow, a few sentences about how i feel about my sobriety, reflection on my day, and 3 things in anxious about followed by 3 things i can do to ease the anxiety of those things. It helps me address some of my worries before i actually lay down to rest.
I also got a shadow work workbook. It focuses on childhood trauma but theres other ones focused on other things they seem cheesey but theyre actually really helpful. I work on that before bed once a week.
I also try to read or mediate before bed.
Now. Some people disagree with this but i have to fall asleep with the TV on, or music, or background noise. Like i saidā¦ finding something louder than the voiceā¦
I also use Ollie sleep gummies. Theyre melatonin and valerian root. They also dont make me groggy as shit in the mornings haha
I gotta have the van on amd window air conditioner on and that helped but up till yesterday mornin it just wasnt doing the trick so i called my mom and had her come pick me up and we went to walmart which was something else bc i dont do walmart but she talked me into going in and she got me some skull candy head phones that are noise canceling worked like a dream. Ive tried the work books and suff when i was in the rehab program before I relapsed and went to jail but i just felt kinda i dont wanna say weird but idk i just couldnt really stick with it i dont know.
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I felt the same way about workbooks at first. The ones i did in rehabs and the psych unit were more designed to keep me busy and for them to monitor me, not for my own acrual benefit.
I found one that worked really well with my lifestyle and personality and my trauma. Which is how i landed at the shadow work workbook. It took me a long time to come around to it.
I will say reading books was also great for me. Emersing myself in a story that wasnt my own.
Something else i do that seems so stupid to some people but really helps me: i will literally plan my outfit for the next day while Iām trying to sleep lol its so simple but it works haha
Thats kinda cute though for real. I like it. I think you might have gave this southern boy an idea
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Which people tell me all the time that im a walking contradiction bc im country as gravy and biscuits and sweet tea but i dress more city i like my jordans and i like my boots
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Thank you mam that means alot im just takin it day by day and really trying to work it
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Fashion used to be the FARTHEST thing from important to me and I too ended up being a walking contradiction of sorts. My dad was a wannabe cowboy. He is truly a very talented country musician though hes made some amazing songs and i get a lot of my music talent from him. But he never really had a fashion sense unless ur was on stage haha. My mom though. All she ever wanted was a little cowgirl haha
So i eventually hit a very intense emo phase. The less i matched the better. My outfits were pure chaos topped with my hair in my face and black makeup smudged everywhere. Eventually i started giving a little more effort and have an office job now lmao. Everyone in my life always manages to joke that even though i dress very femenine and girly now im still always in all black or grey hahaha ive been working on adding color to my wardrobe but my brain doesnt like it. So nowā¦ i over think having to wear colors the next day. Its ridiculous but it helps lmao
I did branch out recently though! I bought my first pair of Nikes last weekā¦ theyre still all black but baby steps hahahah
I find it hard to believe though lol. I personally donāt have any problems with black its one of my favorite colors but whatever eases your mind rock it.
I just feel like i dont have to worry about matching things. Iām also pale as a ghost so a lot of colors wash me out. Its a whole thing 
But see? Simple stuff like overthinking the little things and talking to new friends in the community is what helps me the most 
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Glad i could help amd thank you for talking. If you ever need to talk or anything im here. From your profile picture you look pretty good in black and grey whoever dont like it tell em to worry bout they selves we doing big things here.
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Haha i appreciate that!
And same goes to you!
I just seen a picture of you in white what the hell. And whats that tattoo on your arm
Ill look it up thanks