I’m new here. First day, I guess I’m an evening binger. Never drink during the day and often remember what has happened but often I don’t like it. It’s pretty crazy, I’ve known for some time, over a year that I should seek some help or do something about my drinking…and everyone seems so quick to deny that I have a problem. The few people I reached out to said I dont have a problem, just need to be more careful, have more willpower. I’m in a relationship where drinking is a norm for all the time, even though it’s landed him in plenty of trouble, I don’t feel like I can stop when I’m with him. I also notice that alcohol is really everywhere…all my favourite shows, in books, in ads everywhere. It’s normalized to drink and laugh off the repercussions. Not so funny in real life though. Last night was awful, this month has been so hard and this past year has had so many ups and downs…a divorce, international move, new friends who were just triggers or enablers and a relationship with a very damaged person that has wrecked havoc on my emotional well being. Thankfully I have Max (my dog) and am hoping to gain back a little bit of self love, even a little bit would do me wonders. I’ve been reading and thank you all for creating a welcoming community. 
Welcome. You know, people I know said I wasnt an alcoholic in the beginning. The truth is, they just didnt know the extent of what I was doing. Good luck!
Hi @Ctrlaltdel, glad your here. I also knew for a long time that drinking was a problem before I decided to quit. Everyone I told I was quiting said the similar things to me. You don’t really drink that much, you don’t need AA, you still go to work everyday etc. But you know what I did have a problem and I wanted to quit but didn’t really know how. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to do it. I didn’t tell too many people I was quiting and going to AA until months after I quit. I’m sorry it sounds like your in a tough spot right now. Try to remember that drinking tends to make things that are difficult into things that are unbearable. Im so glad you have that beautiful puppy. I’m sure max would love to help you become a healthier mom. Keep coming back.
I think the main reason a lot of people are so quick to tell us we don’t have a problem is because they don’t really understand what ot means to be an alcoholic. And as you said, it is so normalized. Plus, the only kind of alcoholics they show on tv and in movies are daily drinkers, who start when they wake up and don’t stop until they pass out. I know that was my excuse for not being an alcholic. I’ve seen those types of alcoholics growing up (aunt) and then as an adult (my ex-husband’s father). I wasn’t like them so I was fine. I only drank once a week (most of the time…) And I only had a couple hang overs my whole life. Then my second meeting we read from the big book and it was literally my life (even working in the publishing industry -my higher power working for me I suppose). That was my favorite meeting so far. It really put things into perspective for me. Me an Alcoholic? Page 382. If you don’t have the book you can read it on the AA website.
Welcome @Ctrlaltdel! Nobody can tell you if you have a problem only you know for sure.
You’re in the right place if you think you do. Great support here.
Do you have a plan in place to stay sober? AA, support circle, etc? It’s important to put one in place as quick as possible and stick to it.
You can do it!!
I guess I dont actually have a solid plan. I know my boyfriend is going away for a while which will help me regroup I hope and sort out what it is I need to do for myself. I’ve tried to get us to kind of stop together for a while but I don’t feel like he wants to. I need to form some better routines, that’s for sure. I’ve lived abroad in Egypt for four years, just moved back last summer and it’s been a struggle to adjust, not an excuse but it was a lot harder than I thought it would be to come home. I’ve looked at some local resources for things like AA, not sure if I’m ready to go immediately but I hope I’ll get the nerve up to take that step. Thanks all for the encouragement and welcome
I will definitely check it out. It seems like a daunting word, to come out and say it(alcoholic) but I’m so tired of feeling badly, just want to get my life on track and be happy. I’ve been checking into some local groups and hopefully will have the nerve to go one of these days!
It isn’t nearly as scary as you think! They are all just like you and have been, are still are, in the same place as you. Walking through the door is easy peasy lemon squeezy once you just do it. People will introduce themselves so you don’t have to be the one to initiate anything (except walking through a door), and they’ll give you named and phone numbers. And you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Just go and listen. I suggest going to an open discussion first.
Thank you for sharing! And welcome! I totally get the whole life is surrounded by booze. And I think it’s awesome that you are making the decision to kick the habit. I find through sobriety self love is a lot easier, and you will have tough days, but just stay with it, and remind your self why you started! Much love being sent your way for your new journey! ️
Read “This Naked Mind”, great book for help.
Thank you for the advice and your words…it is a bit daunting because I dont want to think I can’t control my behaviour but it has been so difficult especially because I feel like I have to do it alone. Very glad to have found this community 
Personally, I think a lot of people in our lives that say we don’t have problem, it’s because the hard truth is many are just like us! They drink the same amount of us. Many times we become aware of the self destruction we are doing to ourselves and the ones around us. Ultimately, in my opinion if alcohol prevents you from living your life the way you want to it’s becoming a problem!
So, I’ve never been fired from a job, been in legal problems because of alcohol. However, I have put tremendous strains on relationships, been hungover, skipped personal events and other things to drink.
Create new patterns of thinking! Modify your behavior… that’s what we are all trying to do!
Welcome i can completely relate as i have been a night binger. I never heard of that word until you said it now ansmd it completely fits what i have been doing. Many of friends have said that i do not have a drinking problem as i qork 2 jobs, go to school fulk time a raise 4 children. But my inner battle has been muck like yours. Knowing that it isnt healthy knowing it us getting out of hand. I think you are at the right place because if anyone understands what you are experiencing it is the kind people on this forum. They are very much willing to listen, offer advice, and share their sucess stories. Stay here and lean on other so that you are not alone in your journy.