I woke up and I feel really strange. as soon as I opened my eyes I took my phone and I went on tumblr to check thinspos blog (blog with picture of skinny girls) and I really feel like I am not okay, I feel broke, I feel like I am not right. I should be another person. I am not good in this body. I am too much. too fat, too big. when I see pictures of me I see a fat girl and this makes me sad, because this is what people see too and it’s horrible.
Sorry you’re getting strong feelings like this, especially as soon as you wake up. I encourage you not to listen to those thoughts that tell you your body is wrong. It sounds like that is your eating disorder trying to keep itself alive at your expense. As long as your body is healthy, there’s nothing wrong with it.
With body dysmorphia, it’s really easy and common to believe that everyone sees your body the same way you do. But often the case is that you are afraid of looking a certain way (for example, a fear of looking fat), and it seems safer to believe it’s true and try really hard to change it, even though your body is normal.
Looking at pictures of really skinny girls is likely to make you feel even worse and have an even harder time fighting an eating disorder. It would be like an alcoholic visiting a liquor store, just too tempting.
Can you do something else to get your mind off of things? This day can get better for you, and I really hope it does.
I hope you stay strong, and thank you for seeking support and feeling free to talk about it, instead of relapsing.
Also I was wondering if it would help to think about all the things you like about yourself that aren’t about your body, things about you and your personality, or activities you enjoy. I think the positivity and perspective could help you feel better
Have you thought about changing your “ideal”? Think about it. “Society” tells us what we should consider “beautiful”. Look at movie stars from the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s on up till now. Look at paintings and sculptures from history. The ideal body was not skinny. Skinny meant “poor”.
Did you know that the actor Sean Connery was once a world bodybuilding champion? The body that once won the title was “above average” when compared to what it took for Arnold Schwarzenegger to win the exact same title, 30 years later. Thousands of guys took steroids to be like Arnold.
Marilyn Monroe was considered the “ideal” in the 50’s and early 60’s, and her image drove culture. She was hardly thin, but wasn’t fat either. Then along came a model named “Twiggy”, and we were told “skinny” was “beautiful” and millions of girls starved themselves to look like her.
You see, we humans have a bad habit of calling something “good” and then pushing the image of “good” to unhealthy extremes. Maybe look at pictures of what really healthy women look like to change your perception, because perception of what healthy “is” changes. Now we have “plus size” models, who to me, look like normal sized women. I think they are quite beautiful, personally, but that’s me and my perceptions.
Thank you for showing your bravery by sharing your pain and despair. I have no personal experience with eating disorder or body image, but I can recognize your willingness to fight for yourself. Please don’t drink today and know you are not alone.
Ciao, mia amica, Daniele.
Can you put a block on your phone so you can’t see those websites anymore? There’s lots of sites that glorify anorexic images, and they are not good for you considering you are trying to get better.
I had to stop looking at thinspo when I knew I needed to get better. I would definitely advise blocking those sites if you are tempted to look at them. I see enough thinspo without actively searching for it in advertising and such.
So my advice is to replace the ED routines with healthy routines. Wake up and journal. Meditate. Watch videos that relate to your career aspirations. Read a few pages of a book. All of those are better for you than turning to thinspo. What else could you add you your plan for when you feel tempted to engage in ED related activities.
Just watch the greatest showman!
This must really effect your confidence. I hope you get therapy because it will help. Your a human being! We are all the same regardless of shape and size. Kick those negative thoughts with a stfu!
What actions are you actually taking to counteract your eating disorder at the moment? I feel like if I know that, I can perhaps give you some useful advice.
What are you doing at the moment? Therapy? Journalling? Groups?
neither of those
Would you consider seeking some professional support? It will help so much x