Sober but scared

So I’m sober. Day 1. The consequences may be worse than ever. I can’t get my head out of feeling guilty and ashamed. I’m desperate to quit and stay sober. But I’m scared of what I might have lost in this relapse.

3 Likes

Day 1…a most important day!

My feelings of guilt and shame were my prime motivators to quit drinking. I wanted to stop feeling like that. So far, it is also the biggest benefit.
This can be your last Day 1 !!!
Check in here often, especially if you’re feeling tempted or uncertain.

7 Likes

I also have that horrible feeling. I hate it, yet can’t stop drinking too prevent it. And my family and job are in significant Jeopardy. I have to quit. I want to quit. I’m sober right now but want to be sober forever

2 Likes

So you have all reason to stay sober forever indeed. Staying sober will keep you safe. Still don’t look ahead too far. If you can manage today there is no reason you can’t do it again tomorrow. Welcome to your sobriety Clarney.

3 Likes

You got this!! You can do it take one day at a time it will be so worth it!! I’m only on day 10 and the first few days i had anxiety but it gets better!!

2 Likes

If we could keep this forever, we’d likely all be able to stop and stay stopped pretty easily.

This is my third attempt at quitting forever, I had hundreds of cut backs, and taking break periods. 1 of the reason I’ve been sober for 19 months this time is I don’t let go of that guilt and shame, I use it to my advantage, I play the tape forward. I know damn well where a drink will get me because I had a PHD in drunken behavior research.

@Clarney play that tape, you know where using and drinking will take you, you’ve lost a lot, how much more do you stand to lose? Ingratiate yourself into the sober community, cruise this forum for hours, find a real life meeting if you can. Hanging around sober people promotes sober thinking and action.

If a bottom feeding drunk like me can get and stay sober, you can get sober too.

4 Likes

Have you tried the 30 day alcohol experiment from Annie Grace. It helped me to quit.

2 Likes

No but I’ll look into it. Thank you.

Thank you. Right now all the consequence are marriage related. That tape is pretty nasty for me. Guilt too. I’ve gotta quit

You can do this. Just take it one day at a time. One hour one minute. The days add up quicker than you might think.

1 Like

Hope your day one went well and i know its hard but try not to focus on the caos caused but using, aslong a we can stay sober/clean one day at a time things can only get better :blush: i relate to the guilt too im back on day 1 also but anything is better than still being in the madness, wish you well!

2 Likes

Thank you! Today is a bit brighter

1 Like

Thank you! Day one was ok. Day two is a little better, little brighter. I have some serious apologies I need to do to help that guilt. Sorry to hear you are back on day 1, keep at it and stay safe!

2 Likes

Day 3 now. Still here. Bad meeting yesterday with bad advice. Going to find a better one today

1 Like

Congratulations on for days of sobriety! That is no small accomplishment. I am also glad you’re going to meetings and hopefully reading some of the literature people have advised, for there is wisdom in the past mistakes others have made so we don’t need to reinvent the wheel. Be mindful especially around days 4, 5, 7 ect. Often those extremely strong Visceral Emotions that were driving us on day one may be changing or subsiding which gives Room for our mind, the ultimate enemy, to whisper sweet nothings about “how much better we already are” and “how much we’ve already learned” n “how we can probably drink, we just have to do it differently than we did before” and one of its favorite deceits " Not drinking FOREVER?!? that seems a bit extreme, that’s kinda weird." To combat this one advice I have is to stay centered in the present and try to take joy in the simple pleasures of a nice cup of coffee, a pleasant conversation, a sunrise, a leaf, things that are genuine and real in your life take a minute to notice them and the fact that you’re waking up not feeling like shit! All 24 hours of the day is now yours. cherish those feelings for they will become the kindeling that the fire of sobriety is built from. When it comes to time in the idea of being sober forever I find yet again it’s useful to be centered in the present for I don’t have to worry about being sober the next 50 years (Although to be completely honest the idea makes me smile. there’s no dread in my heart for my life is so much better than it ever has been) all we have to do is be Silber this minute this hour this day and then repeat. When I was at day 4 and day 5 I remember walking around in the grocery store fuckin growling at myself like I was about to do a PR deadlift and talking to myself because the compulsion was so strong and it was rage at that life and part of my mind that got me through. I spent hours fighting and white knuckling it, the beginning isnt pretty for everyone, but god damn it’s worth it! So whatever your 1st few days are like I wish you well and I hope that your marriage and your job are salvageable but no matter what happens All we can ever really control is what we do in this moment and how we react. Regardless of jobs or marriages or life-or-death not drinking is the most important 1st question to answer! Saying no to the 1st drink and shutting down the 1st thought of drinking that’s the ticket to a better life and that will pay you dividends beyond your wildest dreams! Good luck #StayStrong #StaySober #OneLove

2 Likes

The only time frame that helped me stay sober was 24 hours. I still stay sober one day by one day. What I did yesterday will help, but there is work for me to do today to guarantee I lay a sober head on my pillow tonight. It really helped me to recall that 8 hours a day were spent sleeping, so I really only had 16 hours to deal with. And I could whittle that down, you know an hour in a meeting, an hour traveling, etc, until it really became manageable, in my mind.

The first rule of making amends I had to learn was to not apologize, to not say I was sorry. I had to take ownership my behavior and acknowledge that it was wrong or hurtful, and present a plan or present evidence that I will behave differently in the future, that I am behaving differently today. The second rule was that no amends is worth diddly if I don’t stay sober.

I am sending you light and courage for today, brother. :pray:

3 Likes

Well I have made it a week. For all aspects I feel better. Clearer. More sane. My wife is handing me all the consequences she thinks I deserve and I feel resentment, which is the next thing I’m dealing with. One day at a time

2 Likes