Sober day 13 comes with a new additude

Lately I’ve been focusing more on myself. Yes, I shower more often, but not as much as I hoped I would. Since I work hard, I tend to reward myself. A lot. Finally weekend? Why not get a can of soda? (to me soda’s a privilege, since all I drink is milk and water) Hungry? Why not find a new place to eat?

So yes, since christmas is coming soon anyway, I bought myself some gifts, and I’ve also invested in extra equipment for higher productivity.

Anyways, today I’ve had a small magical moment. Yesterday I came back from work and I still had an essay to finish, so I stayed up late and passed out in bed. I woke up from a wet dream and I felt absolutely horrible. After fighting with myself to get out of bed, I jumped into the shower and stayed there for a long time, thinking about my broken heart. When I was done showering, I saw myself in the mirror. And for the first time in a long time, I saw a different person in the mirror. I looked in the mirror, and I saw someone strong. And I said to myself: “I hate to admit it, but I’m stronger without you now. I don’t need you anymore.” And I’m right. I don’t need her. But yes, I miss her, a lot. There’s a feeling of emptiness inside my heart that has yet to be filled again, and I have yet to find something to fill that space up again.

In the mean time I made up with everyone and I got some of my old friends back again. I finally feel comfortable in school again, and I even made new friends!

The last of my concern is my health. I’ve been working very hard lately and I tend to almost fall asleep during lectures or even at work, when there’s barely any customers.

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