Every single day.
I get the same thing.
I get this too.
I feel exactly where you’re coming from Emilie.
I hope you get some sleep tonight 
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Thanks Daze. Rough days over here lately but the bad times can’t last forever.
Hopefully tomorrow is better.
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@SoberSassy your post resonates with me. For too long now I’ve tried to control my hubby’s addiction, especially his drinking, and I really wasn’t having much success, until a few weeks ago. I was drunk (before starting my sobriety journey) and told him I wouldn’t do it anymore. He was free to do as he pleases, go out and drink with his mates, that I wouldn’t be calling to check on him, I wouldn’t pester him about his drinking I told him. I let go, and miraculously that seems to have done the trick. If only I’d done it sooner, because now he’s working on his sobriety with me, for the 1st time ever. He supports my desire to stay sober because he wants it for himself now too. It’s still early days for the two of us but I genuinely believe we’ve turned the corner on this. Thanks for sharing. #odaat #IWNDWYT 
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Yes it is possible. However it was very hard for me in the beginning. I actually learned from a few other’s on here that seem to have very healthy relationships with those who drink that I can only control me and to focus on me and let him focus on him. Not saying you’re controlling but I know I was. I just wanted more support from him and less of him tempting me and trying to get me drunk. Thankfully he caught on and cut way back or has nearly quit too. I guess you just have to decide if it’s worth it to you to stay and try or better for you to move on. I know what you’re going thru and its hard. Best wishes.
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Hey fellow former bartender! I just wanted to say your words and approach were beautiful. I love that you didn’t talk about your husband negatively and were understanding and loving. Very awesome.
@SoberSassy, all my past relationships didn’t work because of the toxic behaviors from both sides. It ruined the family I always craved with my daughters. Was hard to overcome for me that I failed as a father. Looking now at what my faith and sobriety are giving me, I could’ve given them so much more. But I have been forgiven for my past and creating life in the new. I look forward to healing those relationships.
My mother went through 3 marriages to drunks. Current one is now sober for almost a month since his last mishap. And a lot has to do with me becoming more involved in my sobriety and church. It was causing his habits to come to the service and he didn’t like that, but he also doesn’t want to be his age and alone. Lose everything he has with my mother. So it’s nice to see him living her the way he did when they met and is changing for the better. Hopefully.
13 years is a long time. You’re going to have to have a very difficult but much needed conversation. Put it all on the table. Let him feel what you feel. And yes you can ask him to stop drinking. If he truly loves you, people can realize there’s more to life than a drink. That’s not what we’re here on earth for. Unless they can do it maturely. If you still have that flame for him somewhere in you, have the important discussion. If it’s out and you’re ready then you already know your answer. I pray the very best outcome for you 
Just make sure you check every corner of your feelings without tossing in the towel and having possible regret after.
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Thanks for that. Being married to a drinker is tough, my husband knows that too. I was really volatile and reactive in my drinking days, my husband was the fun. He still bartends and is good at his job and he still drinks. He drinks less than we used to but still too much.
The best part of getting sober with others here is that there is so much to learn. My biggest take away in this is that I can’t control anything except for my own actions. His body, his choices and his sobriety are his own. Mine is mine and very important to me. I used to quit smoking from time to time while my husband still smoked and friends would ask if that was hard. I always responded that I smoked with my own lungs.
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I think it depends on the individual. I have two experiences with alcoholic partners. The first was a severe alcoholic. A Jekyl and hyde type situation with him. After 4 years of it I could not handle it anymore and the engagement ended. He was not willing to and was not supportive of me trying to quit. Now thats just my sitaution. EVERYONE is differnt. Have you had heart to heart talks?
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We have had talks. It’s sort of an endless cycle at this point. Which I know any of us addicts are all too familiar with.
I appreciate that it is his life and his body, but it’s also my nervous system and I’d rather live in a more stable environment.
Like you said, every individual is different, but he’s definitely more of the Jekyll and Hyde drinker and not the fun type.
I lost the lottery on that one I guess 
I’ve laid it all out for him.
He can drink what he wants outside of the home as long as he doesn’t come home that night.
But I can’t allow it in my home any longer, or I have to leave. 
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@SoberSassy Hi! How are you doing? I read your post and my heart just broke while reading it. I can only imagine how difficult it is what you are going through. Like I told you before, my husband and I got sober at the same time. In our case this was the only way to go about it. Because when we were still drinking, we would just encourage each other to continue to do so. We talked about quitting before, but one would always say “ let’s just have a drink”. I personally would not have been able to get sober if he was still drinking. Therefore I think you should be so proud of yourself of getting sober. Shows true strength and determination. I hope you will figure out what’s best for you. I understand you’re sad and torn. I wish I could help you better. Stay strong!
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I appreciate that, @Solange 
hugs
I think it’s amazing and beautiful that you two did it together!
Yeah I’ve certainly been sober curious throughout our relationship, but I suppose I wasn’t quite that sick of abusing myself enough until really committing myself to it.
At first it was hard not to drink with him still drinking every day after work. But I’ve realized and found it rather empowering to accept my own autonomy.
I really did just take it one moment at a time. Not really sure where the path was going to take me, but with each day as my mind cleared, I realized sobriety is a true gift and I wish I’d done it sooner.
It’s amazing you and your partner get to enjoy that together 
Because it’s one of the best things I’ve discovered in my adult life.
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It sounds like you’re living in a similar hell as I am. hugs
And well done on keeping with your sobriety in the midst of it!
I understand the cognitive dissonance that takes place when you’re dealing with the spilt in your partner’s personalities. One version being so sweet and loving, but always waiting for them to have one too many and the monster appears. 
Good for you for choosing yourself! I know it’s not an easy road, but you deserve it.
He can eat your dust if he doesn’t want to level up to you. 
I say that in the most compassionate way. I know he’s a person whom you love dearly. 🩷
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@SoberSassy Awww you are so welcome. Sobriety is the best gift you can give yourself. The empowerment that comes from it is just amazing. Just due to my experience so far personally, getting sober together is not a ticket to “ happily ever after” . Once you get sober your way of thinking changes as well and old issues which were always there are more out in the open. I’m honestly right now not sure whether my marriage will grow and get stronger or fail. Regardless the fact that we are both sober, we just think so differently right now. Or did we always but not realize it because we were always drunk? Whatever happens I will remain dedicated to my sobriety. Just like you don’t ever want to go back to the way I used to live. I really admire your strength and the way you write down your thoughts and where you are at. Sounds like you are truly connected to how you feel and where you are heading. Hugs for you too
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But I’ve realized and found it rather empowering to accept my own autonomy.
I really like the way you put that, that’s a beautiful way of looking at it. 
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