Sober Reflections

It was odd to me that two people reacted negatively to me not drinking at my son’s birthday party on Sunday. I get that I used to drink a lot and stopped all of sudden but why does that cause a negative reaction? I am getting more and more hostile about this and am afraid I am going to tell someone (likely an in law) to fuck off if this keeps happening. The world sometimes seems more offended by sobriety than it is alcohol. I guess people find it abnormal or who knows. I am not going to apologize to anyone for doing the right thing…


Since when is it normal to drink at your kid’s party anyway…


My wife wanted to make it open bar for the guests a few months ago during planning. I flipped out about it and pretty much said if you do that I am not going and will not invite my family either. Not sure if I am selfish, but it felt good to get my way.

People perceive things differently about alcohol and parties I guess. We had open bar at my older kids first birthday, but I was still drinking then and didn’t care. It’s all perception and the way people are I suppose. I guess I have changed.


people get squirrely when folks they know sober up, might mean they have to take a look at their own drinking/lifestyle/etc and they might not want to do that. i like the saying “those that matter dont mind and those that mind dont matter”. fuck the haters you keep doin what youre doin! :smile:


People can be weird. That said, we are often a bit twitchy and easily upset and offended in early sobriety. Our emotions are heightened and our reserves are low, so we often get upset over stuff that won’t phase us as we get more comfortable and assured in our sobriety. For me, I needed to cut people a lot of slack when I was first navigating sobriety and I needed to cut myself some slack as well. YMMV of course…just my thoughts.


I heard that but always thought I was overthinking it. Like me saying no to a drink makes them feel guilty. Maybe its true. Sobriety is a huge thing and you are the leopard that does change its spots.

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I just think the party is about the kid and presumably the kid doesn’t drink lol. Sort of selfish to make it an adult party. That and the idea of being drunk around kids, not even just your own, is just a little off-putting lol

I don’t have kids though, what do I know.


thats super true too

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So odd how we have to justify sobriety or bettering ourselves. Good on you for being sober at your boys bday!!

My son had his 5th birthday party 2 weeks ago and I got a little bit upset that my father and father in law were both drinking beer.

I did get over it pretty quickly though because I realized that I would have joined them at previous birthday parties.

I will just need to communicate to them ahead of time for next year If I dont want them to drink at my sons party.


Sometimes I have to make myself very clear to others to guard my sobriaty. I think the people who are drinking much themselves are the ones who can be so persuasive to get me a drink I do not want. Maybe because us not drinking make them think about their own drinking behavior?

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Society is indoctrinated - alcohol means a nice social time so apparently someone sober no longer is a good and happy company :wink:

When I got home after a few weeks at sea I was sober for 3 days and nervous for my wife’s reaction since basically, saying you stopped drinking is admitting you have a problem.
Our relation was allready stressed so I was nervous about her reaction.

She reacted “but its our holiday…” and I thought to myself wtf… Thát was a first reaction I didn’t expect ! So what, cant we have holidays without alcohol ?

I didn’t reply, just awaited how things would work out. For 2 weeks we didn’t have a single fight, it was an excellent holiday.

At the end of it, I asked her what she meant with that reply.
She explained she didn’t know what to expect, feared I didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to hit a sunny afternoon with a drink and all those things.
It surprised her we kept doing those things, only with me staying sober.
It actually were better days this time, I didn’t rush home after two beers to get me a third while still being allowed to drive ! Instead of half an hour in the sun, we could stay for hours !

What it learned me simply is, people who react weird do not always mean it in an offensieve wat, they just dont understand or know what to expect… We need some patience with them to get used to it :+1:


Most likely they drink the same amounts so yes, it can be confronting to others. If I quit because I think I drink too much, they know damn well what that means about their drinking as well :joy: