Sober Together


#1

So my bf and I of almost 2 years have decided to get sober together, which is a really beautiful thing. We both have issues with alcohol and drinking too much, plus alcohol turns us both into ugly people. This is a huge step in our relationship.

However I’m a little nervous because I feel like so much of our relationship revolved around alcohol, and now being together sober feels a little weird. But weird in a good way if that makes sense. Like I feel shy and nervous, like first date feeling. ‘What do I say? Will he like me’ are thoughts that go thru my head like first date jitters.

I’m also struggling with the idea of wanting to drink, having some cravings here and there, especially right now as it’s the weekend and weekends were always heavy drinking for us. But I recognize that alcohol is destructive for me and I honestly find no joy in it once I start drinking.

Anyone out there gotten sober with their partner? Any advice or tips? He’s got a couple months under his belt and I have 5 Days.


#2

I have been with my husband 18 years (12 married this year) and for the entire time we’ve been drinking buddies. It’s super scary to change. What if we hate each other?! I am 15 days in and he is yet to begin, though he says he will. So, while I can’t give you any insight yet, I will certainly be walking right beside you while we figure it out!


#3

I hear you and totally understand. Its tough/strange to be truly vulnerable. Im working thru that now. I can tell you that an honest relationship that dn revolve around alcohol is much more satisfying bc alcohol dependency is progressive and destructive. My advice would be give it time, allow room for growth, accept it might be unconformtable and inorganic at times. Im struggling to take that advice as I am now sober in my relationship. My previous one was all kinds of screwed up by alcohol. It cant be sustained. Hope that helps a bit.


#4

If it makes anyone feel any better, my wife and I have been together for 20 years, and we have been drinking buddies for that entire time. She has a couple more days sober than me and I am at 19 days. We have filled so much of our past free time socializing with each other and friends around the common thread of alcohol that there have been some very quiet times in our home recently…it’s weird to say the least. What I can tell you is we haven’t had a single argument since we stopped drinking and we are spending more quality time with our children. We are more receptive to each other’s requests and there seems to be much less chaos in our lives.

Two people who met and spent their entire relationship in the presence of alcohol or any other addictive influence for that matter, may find their interests aren’t necessarily the same when sober. We are working thru a new phase…it doesn’t seem as fun as it used to be, but it is definitely healthier. And when I take a step back and look at it through sober :eyes: I realize those “fun times” also created a lot of problems in our life as well.


#5

Thanks @Spartan_Chris. Your story and mine seem to have a lot of common threads!! I am anxiously awaiting for my husband to jump on board so we can face this together… just worried he won’t, and then what? Either way it’s awesome that you two are working together at this so congratulations on that! I think as with any change, it just takes time to find new routines. If we look at it like it’s a new relationship and give it that same effort, maybe that will help. :blush: