My relationship is taking a hit from my sobriety! My boyfriend thinks I view myself to be better than him since becoming sober. He still smokes weed. And I’m trying to find and better myself. I’m not so clouded and I’m noticing how much he’s been gaslighting me and the hypocrisy is unbelievable. Nit picking my every move. I use to hold him so high not wanting to upset him. But now I’m sober I’m not easily manipulated or carless on these actions towards me. He’s can’t handle my attitude or me sticking up for myself. Not like I did be fore but I won’t give up. My feelings mean something to me and nothing to him. I’m hoping this subsides, we’ve been together for 7 years but both under the influence of alcohol and weed! I’m moving on from stay at home mom to working mom. Not sure he likes me not relying on him so much. Has any one experienced this? Did it work out?
I’m not able to comment on this from a woman’s perspective but as someone in a relationship I can say it definitely clears up a lot. You see things more clearly and you find your voice. And that’s a good thing. Learning to know what you need and ask for what you need is one of the great gifts of sobriety.
Keep sobering on and remember your worth and your value is inside you and is dependent on no one else. You’re a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
Living this right now. Wife of over 15 years gave me an ultimatum but hasn’t thought twice about pouring herself a bottle sized glass of wine on numerous occasions since then. I cannot stand the hypocrisy and the absence of any positive remarks regarding my progress. There are plenty of critical remarks and negative energy though, pointed my direction. It breeds resentment beyond belief…to the point that I just remove myself from her presence. I can relate wholeheartedly and wish I had advice for you. I’ll be discussing with my therapist tomorrow.
Hi Melissa! Bbrraavvoo for your move towards sobriety! Good job 
I think your dilemma is a common one. It’s the story of one person moving forward and the other one not. Whether it be going back to school, sobriety, or a job, people do start to grow apart. I’m sure he is getting upset because you are moving forward and growing without him. Yes, I have experienced this. The best thing both of you can do is communicate your feelings and thoughts with each other. Hopefully you guys can meet in the middle and compromise. A counselor may be able to help before throwing in the towel, if nothing else. It’s rough enough to navigate through sobriety without added stressor. So sending you strength 
Whatever you decide to do consult with your inner guidance usually we know what needs to be done. Just make sure its not only you doing the heavy lifting. Do your own work either he catches up or not . Don’t let anyone drag you down
i was in a similar dynamic with my ex. no kids though. it was toxic and completely dysfunctional as i was on an upwards trajectory and he was still at base camp, drinking, partying and desperately trying to keep me down there with him. i ended things. it was a mess. but i learned a lot about myself, my resilience and personalities i’ve outgrown. god speed, sister. keep fighting the good fight.
I actually have been in your shoes! Yes, it does get better. But… every one and every relationship is different. So, only time will tell.
My wife and I (just to clear this, we are both ladies) have been together for 7 years and married going on 4.
When I met her, she drank. Little did I know how much she really drank until we moved in with each other and that is when the issues got worse. It took her 4 years to stop drinking (She is 3 years sober in May). Having a drink around her was hard. She was angry about it and would say and act so awful. But over time she got better and I chose not to drink so I could help her.
Now, let’s turn the tables.
I was addicted to pain meds 3½ years ago. I am 1 year sober now. My wife has medical issues that require her to take pain meds daily. The first 5-6 months of my sobriety was horrible. I begged her to stop taking them. When she hid them, it made me angrier(I’m on Subs so even if I did take them, it would be useless). I realized I was being selfish though because she NEEDS them. I don’t. I have pain issues, yes. But do I NEED them? No!
I have been able to hand her those pills without a thought, do her weekly meds, etc.
Personally, I have been the unsupportive spouse as well as the supportive spouse.
I was told that the rule of thumb 3 months. If things don’t get better, then it’s time to reevaluate
Gaslighting, however, is abuse. Do not stand for that. He may be trying to push you back into habits because maybe you were “more fun” or it’s “easier” for him.
I wish you the best of luck!!
interesting story / perspective since you’ve seen both sides of the coin! that must foster a lot of growth for the both of you, and empathy.
this is exactly what happened in the past relationship of mine that i mentioned above. he moved in and i realized… wow, this guy actually drinks until 6-9AM like its his job. WTF did i get myself into.