I’ve been thinking about sobriety and what it does for me socially. I feel super awkward at social gatherings, I don’t connect with people easily. I feel uncomfortable, and it’s not pleasant to be out anymore.
And I’ve been thinking about how I used to feel socialising when I was drunk, and I’m realising I still felt that way, but I’d force x amount of drinks/drugs into me and I’d develop a more social comfortable personality. My barriers would fall and I’d be a more bubbly person to be around.
I’m having a realisation that going out drinking wasn’t what made parties fun, it just made the experience bearable for me.
Turns out I actually don’t really like that kind of gathering, I’m more of a hiking, creating art, introverted, 1 person at a time or small groups kinda person.
And maybe that’s not the end of the world.
Anyway, just wondering if anyone else feels this way or am I just super antisocial or something? Lol.
No definitely not I genuinely hate most people wen on it and say things I probably shouldn’t also don’t give a monkey’s wat people think apart from loved ones
I think you might be surprised how many people think the same as you do, but don’t know how to break the cycle. It’s been many years since I did the party scene, and I was a shy person, but drinking/drugs made me someone I wasn’t, but I felt I could fit in better. Flash forward many years, fortunately the drugs stopped, but the drinking never did. I have lost many years, but I’m here now and I’m 19 days sober. I never want to go backwards again. You can and should be the person you are, we are all special. God doesn’t make mistakes 
I used to love house parties I thought, just hanging with ‘friends’. Now I did it sober, and although it’s bearable, I now realize more than ever I only went to get hammered. I didn’t socialize in the first place. But now I do try to and they got confused… As socializing costs me alot of energy, I don’t really enjoy these house parties anymore. I’d rather actually do something like bowling, sports, or whatever with friends.
I am the same - sober, the only socializing I do is in small groups with close friends and it’s usually just to dinner or lunch. No parties because I just don’t like people that much.
I think if people really look into it honestly, most of us don’t really like the parties, it’s just an opportunity to act differently from our normal.
My younger years and social gatherings was to hook up or get fucked up. Sometimes both worked out. Rarely though.
As time passed it was about getting loaded.
I like people in small doses, can’t handle heavy talkers or a bunch of topics as it’s too much bullshit mostly.
My sweetie and I and minimal night life/social events works best, I feel.
100% what I found out about myself too. It was a realization of freedom
100%. Totally get it.
In my case I didn’t use my addiction to “socialize” but I did use my addiction to isolate and numb my tension about my commitments and my relations with other people (people pleasing is a characteristic I grew up with). The basic problem is the same though: isolating (unhealthily) is the opposite extreme from (unhealthily) forcing yourself to socialize.
I’ve realized that I, like you, prefer one-on-one time, and I need time to recharge solo (I like to take walks, meditate/pray, spend time with my cats). Now that I’m living with more purpose and balance, I am feeling a lot better.
i definitely have a very shy side to me that never quite went away although im able to make convo with strangers a lotttt easier that is due to 10+ years in the service industry and just getting older and not caring so hard, im more shy around ppl i know well if anything because i dont watn to say something stupid or will regret… funny how all that wors out
Alycia, that is so well said. This is me in your words:
Thank you!
This resonates very much with me. I had a relapse after I first set my sobriety intention and found myself in a bar talking to someone who I kind of knew. I spent the whole evening performing to make this person like me and remembering moments from that evening are a HUGE influence for me not drinking ever again. I became this uncomfortable cringe-worthy people pleaser to cover the fact that I knew I should have been sober at home. I strongly dislike that side of me.
When I’m hiking, reading or having coffee in the sunshine with a friend my needy weirdo is expressed correctly. I learned that alcohol makes me more socially anxious and uncomfortable. I am still an extremely awkward person but it’s more palatable when I’m not slurring.
Embrace those quiet activities that make you feel real and make your heart happy. You just get to be you now, in all your glory. Sending an awkward hug where my hand probably hits your forehead and my thumb inexplicably bends backward as I attempt the hug. Stay weird.
@Lorelai its funny how much we push parts of ourselves deep down to fit the normal.
I guess once we are a bit older we become confident enough to say hey wait I actually don’t like this or I’m not doing that anymore. And we start doing things we enjoy.
@ArnovdL yeah exactly, like a gathering where you actually do something, not just drink and let alcohol take over. Crazy concept haha. I so rarely get asked to do wholesome activities as an adult!
@Thirdmonkey it is freeing isn’t it? I think I’ve spent many periods of sobriety thinking I was missing out, or mourning the friends and life I had drinking. But sitting with this idea that I don’t actually like parties, I wasn’t actually having fun, I was just making myself something else for other people, I feel free. I’m not missing out I’m just choosing to make myself happy.
@Matt i think this is the balance now, trying not to isolate myself too much. I get lonely, but for like 1hr per month haha. Just gotta not get drunk as shit in that 1hr per month when I think alcohol will be the social joy I need 
I love this, Thankyou 
Yeah. I feel a little awkward sometimes. I work remotely so I have trouble being out in public places. Like I need a drink just to relax and feel comfortable around peeps. Drunk conversations would always end up in arguments tho. I was a drunk texter and dialer. I talked a lot shit tbh with you. I’m done with all that.
I’m glad. You aren’t alone!
I feel you; I love to hike on my own, I travel on my own, I live on my own (since 20 years)… yep! I’d say I like to be alone! I’ve known this for a loooog time, but people tend to make fun or criticize, because they don’t consider it normal.
When I hang out with people now, I only do so if I really want to, and I really enjoy their company. I don’t spend/waste time anymore with people because I don’t know how to say “no”, or because drinking makes it “nicer” to be around them.
I’m an autist, need I say more ? 
Like you, I believed alcohol made me talk a little easier.
A social lubricant.
It didn’t. It just made me pull up my defenses even more for each and every time it kind of confirmed me that without alcohol, I just couldn’t.
Turns out that by just dropping those defensive walls, and being my own vulnerable, but authentical me, I am much more social.
Excellent post, I totally agree with almost all the opinions.
Alcohol in my case was not fun. I believed it was fun, but it does not. It was a mean to tolerate others presence and a way to bear, as easy as possible, people conversation.
Being social was the excuse to take “another paint”, but that was nothing to do with enjoy people. In fact I trend to disconnect when some talks me more than five minutes, even less when there is loud music surrounding.
My problem unfortunately was beyond. I started to drink alone. It is cheaper and yo do not have to tolerate people. This way, drinking patter turn still more in a big problem.
Now I am sober, I am not social, but this my mood and my personality and it has not to be changed. Only my mental health and body matters, and this means do not touch the booze.
Best regards!
It took me a lot longer to figure this out than you have.
I still go to social vents now but it’s when I want and who I to go with 
and leave when I had another instead on staying to the bitter end.
I’ve gotten involved in the outdoor activities I always wanted to but never did as I was too hungover and love it now 
Are you Perth, Australia?
I generally dislike people… took me a bit to sort out, but I’m ambivert. Be well on your journey.