Ok, so last night I listened to the voices in my head and went on a binge. Today I was nursing a hangover and needed to go to the shop. Whilst at the shop some guy falls backwards and starts having a fit. I have done first aid but never used it. I paused for a few seconds as another bloke went to him but he didn’t really know what to do and to be fair I had never dealt with something like this. I got down and tried getting him on his side, he was violently shaking, foaming from the nose and mouth and the look in his eyes looked like he wanted to kill me. All I could do was keep supporting his head and telling him he was ok even though I didn’t have a clue if he would be. After about 15mins he started to come out of it and we just told him to stay on the floor. The ambulance arrived and the paramedics took over so we went outside so they could do their job. As they were leaving we were thanked for doing what we could by the paramedics and he was gone. I can’t stop running through what happened or how he is and it’s driving me mad. I know I have done a good thing but all I feel is the need to have a drink or a smoke to try and forget what happened. It really scared me even though I didn’t show it. I’m shaking as I’m writing this and I’m not sure if it’s what happened today or the fact I’m trying to get of all drugs.
Its great you were sober and able to help! Last year at a memorial day party (my first ever one sober) and my aunt passed out and stopped breathing. Because I was sober, I was able to stop her from falling to the ground and take care of her until the ambulance got to my house. She was blue but I got her breathing again. I couldn’t stop shaking until the next day, it was scary but I was SO thankful I was sober! Stick with it, you were meant to help that person. 
I think it was a very emotionally overwhelming moment for you. For many addicts, the default response to intense emotions is to dull the feeling with a drug of choice. But when we numb ourselves to negative feelings, we shut out our capacity for good ones too. I’m learning to feel my feelings again and it’s not easy. I prefer oblivion to reality, which can be really intense. But the negative emotions will pass.
I was hungover at the time. The guy just fell back and smacked his head on the floor and started having a seizure. Im still not sure why I did what I did but i can’t get the look of his face out of my mind. To be honest I wouldn’t want to do that again hungover
Being hungover prob means that your brain wasnt at full thinking capacity and your head was cloudy. Sober or hungover I’m sure that was a very traumatic situation for you, but deep down you know that masking your feelings isnt the answer. You already relapsed last night. Remind yourself that you are a strong person and can fight the urge. The world only gives you what you can handle and its apparent it was given to you at a time of strength. Dont forget though that everything happens for a reason, you were meant to be there for that and maybe it should open your eyes bc if you go out and do those drugs you could be the one hitting your head on the floor and foaming at the mouth. (Just a thought. Not saying the guy you helped was on drugs, maybe it was a sign.)
It still is traumatic as it keeps replaying in my head. I’m not a huge believer in everything happens for a reason but I understand where ur coming from.