Sponsor pushes me too hard ?!



My sponsor? Has been in the program for 5 years!!


I meet with my sponsee also with my sponsor so she can mentor me but you would think if i went through the steps well enough i wouldnt need a mentor. I am sure the program helped me stay clean in the beginning but it is starting to feel like a serious burden. She wants me coming to commitee meetings and business meetings etc too. I am beyond overwhelmed


I wish I could pick you up and bring you to this area. The meetings here, the people in those meetings seemed to be about the quality of the work vs. Quantity. I am taking my time, and everyone us so supportive. There are so many ways to “12 step” beyond getting a sponsee.


You are too kind, thank you! I am sure there is another meeting I could find that will benefit me more from where I am at. Now that someone took me through my steps I think I will go through again on my own but slower and find other ways to step 12. I want to get into adolescent addiction and mental health counseling really badly, just need a little more time under me before I jump into something like that !


We have a group like that in Syracuse. They force sponsors on people. Some who only have a couple weeks clean. They force people to stop their mental health meds. Did your sponsor use the big book when she took you through the steps?


Yeah we used the big book for my steps. They seem to think it’s the only fix. I am on a wait list to go to a trauma based treatment center and they recommend i still come even though i managed to get clean on my own and somehow the people in CA think i dont need it because i have the 12 steps… it is so wack in my opinion honestly…


I’m not a big fan of groups like that. The majority of 12 step programs don’t run like that. Can I bet that your sponsor doesn’t like when you go to meetings outside of your group?


That sounds way to much to handle… you need to make sure you’re ok before you can help others … it’s too soon for sponsee… your sponsor should be there for you when you need them … not to push you. My opinion obviously but I’d run a mile if this was me… you’re doing great you don’t need extra stress x


To be honest I havent gone to a meeting outside ours since I started going to that one. I will bet you she wouldnt be happy about it if I did though. I had to cancel on meeting with her today. The stress of this is taking a physical toll on me


Too much stress. This just seems like a relapse in the making. I would kindly let her know you will be finding another sponsor. You can’t be superwoman while getting sober and dealing with just general life on top of it. I agree she sounds WAY too controlling and she is going to drive you crazy. Try a new sponsor. You tried; it didn’t work out and you too just didn’t mesh. No one’s fault. It may just be the way she is, but that doesn’t mean you have to deal with it. I hope you find an AMAZING sponsor soon!:pray:


Look Here’s The Thing, Some sponsors try to play God and make up their own rules and ideas. Anything we need to know about the steps is in our big book. Whenever your sponsor has something to say that you question, just ask, where is that in the book? And see what she says


Might be time to try some different meetings. Where are you located?


Run away. Now.


At this point in your recovery the only thing that i would suggest you’re ready for is a small commitment, i.e. making coffee for a noon meeting on Wednesday’s or a door greeter for Friday evening meetings. Commitments are not only a way to pay it forward but also a way to see how committed you are to your recovery. Not everyone is ready for commitments so soon and the priorities vary from person to person. Some sponsors require 90 meetings in 90 days. This is not meant as a type of hazing but again to make sure you’re committed to your recovery. There are many of us who see the wrongness in the way your sponsor is handling you BUT, we are not you, and not your sponsor. Ultimately this is something you’re going to have to deal with.



She sound a bit of control freak, here in Scotland we take our time going through the steps, i would be looking else were for a new one , ive been sponsoring for over 30 years now and people like her give us a bad name ,time for a diff road wish you well