# Spouse and getting sober
**URL:** https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665
**Category:** Uncategorized
**Created:** [August 18, 2018, 4:15pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665 "2018-08-18T16:15:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 13
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Tryingtofindme](https://talkingsober.com/u/Tryingtofindme)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2018, 4:15pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/1 "2018-08-18T16:15:00Z")
Help! My spouse has seen me more times than I want to think passed out drunk - blackout drunk. He sees it but he really doesn’t SEE it.
We had previous plans to go to an arcade to play games then dinner. Well that was when I was drunk. In fact so drunk I texted myself knowing i would forget the next day. Today I said I was worried about being around alcohol.
Ugh. Of course I don’t because of alcohol. I need positive thoughts please. No negative stuff. He is amazing but just doesn’t see it for how bad it is. I am an alcoholic that consumes 2-3 litres of vodka weekly.
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### Author:  [@Robketts](https://talkingsober.com/u/Robketts)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2018, 4:23pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/2 "2018-08-18T16:23:36Z")
Hi @Tryingtofindme are you wanting your spouse to help you? Sorry if that was obvious from your post…if that is the case it is often best coming straight out with it…he probably does know but is unsure how what to say …you are obviously worried about your drinking and telling the one you love will help.😁
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### Author:  [@Tryingtofindme](https://talkingsober.com/u/Tryingtofindme)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2018, 4:25pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/3 "2018-08-18T16:25:03Z")
I just voiced my concerns about going which just lead to a fight. Apparently there is alcohol wherever we go. So now I’m crying and feeling like shit.
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### Author:  [@Robketts](https://talkingsober.com/u/Robketts)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2018, 4:31pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/4 "2018-08-18T16:31:55Z")
Hi not exactly sure what the issue is…have you had a drink today?
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### Author:  [@MissOctober](https://talkingsober.com/u/MissOctober)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2018, 4:42pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/5 "2018-08-18T16:42:38Z")
I can relate to this so much. My spouse sees me blackout drunk passed out, throwing up weekly and won’t acknowledge the fact that I have a problem. So sometimes I like to convince myself that he’s right. Its messed up that my brain works that way! I think it scares him that part of what we built our relationship on- going out partying, drinking, having “fun”- is going to die. Or that maybe one day I would want him to stop drinking too? But I’m the one with the problem. Not him. Sorry for going off on my own rant there lol.
But I think all you can do is be honest about how you feel and what you want, and hope for his support. Yes, alcohol is everywhere, and it sucks for us trying to abstain. But just keep trying to communicate with him that you need his support while you’re recovering, and think of new fun things you can do together. I’m working on this as well.
I’m sorry you’re upset, and I hope everything works out. Stay strong!
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### Author:  [@PeytonMarie](https://talkingsober.com/u/PeytonMarie)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2018, 4:47pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/6 "2018-08-18T16:47:44Z")
Are you in Sobriety? If so get him to go to a meeting with you. Also get him to attend Al-Anon meetings. I got lucky, my husband chose to also stay sober. So i don’t have to watch him drink. Yes alcohol is everywhere, but being in Sobriety, reading the big book, going to meetings help to be able to go out around it.
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### Author:  [@Tryingtofindme](https://talkingsober.com/u/Tryingtofindme)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/7 "2018-08-18T17:35:55Z")
We had a good heart to heart. I told him I need the support. I told him he just needs to be there for me and listen.
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### Author:  [@Lionfish](https://talkingsober.com/u/Lionfish)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2018, 5:44pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/8 "2018-08-18T17:44:17Z")
Does he drink a lot as well? He might be avoiding his issue by not addressing yours.
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### Author:  [@Gotno](https://talkingsober.com/u/Gotno)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2018, 6:10pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/9 "2018-08-18T18:10:51Z")
Does he drink too much? Or is he a drinker that doesnt have an issue?
If he has a problem he could be worried about your new found quest for sobriety might cause him to have to look at his own problem. If he doesnt have a drinking problem he might be worried about how it will change the dynamics of your relationship.
Other thing might be that maybe you both feel that you have a problem but dont think your spouse does.
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### Author:  [@Tryingtofindme](https://talkingsober.com/u/Tryingtofindme)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2018, 8:50pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/10 "2018-08-18T20:50:39Z")
Just a beer or two a night. He has decided to quit with me. He said he wants to help me abd perhaps has a little bit of a problem himself. So we are now a booze free home!
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### Author:  [@Lionfish](https://talkingsober.com/u/Lionfish)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2018, 11:14pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/11 "2018-08-18T23:14:43Z")
That’s great! I’m happy you’re taking control of your drinking and he’s there to help 😊
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### Author:  [@PeytonMarie](https://talkingsober.com/u/PeytonMarie)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2018, 4:34am UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/12 "2018-08-19T04:34:35Z")
That’s great! That will definitely help. And it will be nice to have him helping in big ways.
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### Author:  [@Donnie\_Spiering](https://talkingsober.com/u/Donnie_Spiering)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2018, 1:24pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/spouse-and-getting-sober/41665/13 "2018-08-19T13:24:47Z")
Your sobriety is yours and his is his. He cant stop u or make you not drink. That is only your control. You may have to do more to stop then he does. We dont all recover the same. You have to want this like a lil gurl in the candy store knowing your best behavior will be rewarded. Goodluck