About 18 months ago I lost my best friend and the love of my life to a heroin overdose. He wasn’t even a daily user. He would use maybe once a week, if that. But he got a bad batch or too much fentanyl and his body didn’t have the tolerance. I left my job at that point to take time and to try to get clean myself. At that time I was a daily heroin user, spending at least $100 a day. I quit a bunch of times; I would often get 30 days clean and then treat myself to getting high to celebrate my accomplishment thinking I could do it only once, which we know was never the case. I have 106 days clean and that’s the longest I’ve ever had in the past three years. Last week I went back to work, bartending. I’ve never been a drinker so working with alcohol doesn’t scare me. I’m aware of the risks of substitution and I am careful. But I was at work last night and I remembered how I used to sneak to the bathroom to shoot up - and I missed it - that feeling. That made me a little nervous about having a job with so much freedom. But I guess the same would be true wherever I worked. I guess maybe I’m just nervous about going back to work but I can’t afford to take any more time off. I’m virtually broke.
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Im about the same time clean myself and have the same job i did when using. That was the old me that i dont want to be anymore. I had about the same $100+ habit a day. Its been so long i hardly know what the rush feels like anymore. We all have another high in us but do you have another withdrawl? I kinda look at it that way when ever i crave. It took alot of suffering to get this far. Why would you want to look back now. You know the consequenses if you use and being friends with a user is always a bad idea. Just be vigilant and create new healthy habits. If you dont think you can handle it you can always quit dont let a job, person or place jeporadize your sobriety.
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