So I guess I will start back in 2011 where I was put through outpatient for 9 months for a marijuana charge that landed me a felony. And just my luck within two months of completion, marijuana becomes legalized! I honestly don’t feel any resentment over it, the timing, I’m glad I got to learn what I needed to learn through that. Came out going to regular AA meetings and having a sponsor. Got a job hooked up through one of the other patients at the outpatient place. (My first real job). At a car dealership. Over time, I grew distant from my sponsor and AA meetings as I moved to work another dealership that had me super busy with lots overtime at the same time met this woman. I was led to believe that she was in recovery as well as I was. But come one year later, she had something to tell me. At that moment I knew. The main reason I was misled for that year was because she is a totally functional addict. I didn’t know anyone before that who was a totally functional addict for this drug due to the nature of this substance that takes over people. But come to find out, like 60% of the women of her family and friends were functional addicts as well. That got me more by surprise. I wasn’t unfamiliar with this drug as I have done it a few times before with someone I thought was my friend but was really nothing but trouble. Cut ties with him long ago. So naturally I was a bit upset about hiding something from me for a year. But understanding both sides of every argument/debate is what I try to do best. How could you bring this up on as a first impression? I should’ve ended the relationship somewhere around there if I never intended to become another functional addict as well. Now it’s 7 years later. Going on 8 smoking this crystal. And I am trying to not use, not give into my cravings that I get every weekend. Staying high all weekend and not sleeping for the whole weekend every weekend for the past 7 years. Over the years I put effort to make changes to myself to give myself a new direction of something to focus on becoming rather than being an addict. I still have plenty positive things to do, but the stress hits me so hard by the end of the week and the craving is just so powerful. Now I feel that there is no doubt that leaving the relationship won’t make my cravings go away. It as become a part of my life for long enough that I accept I will be dealing with cravings for life. And I’ve come to this conclusion that having another way to deal with stress and fighting the craving head on is the only way I can get through this without using. I know that everyone using around me doesn’t help either. I am truly feeling the struggle and I at first thought quitting marijuana was a struggle. These cravings are not the same. I quit smoking marijuana like 5 days ago to set my eyes at a better job at the moment after years smoking daily some since I met this woman and grew distant from my sponsor and AA. and that is easy compared to this. However, I did start making it back to a handful of AA meetings earlier this year for the first time in all these years. Then the virus ruined everything. Didn’t lose my job from my drug use or this virus which I can be thankful for. Been working at this dealership for about 7 years as well. Got hired when they were a mom and pops lot, now they grew and expanded into a corporation. I am fortunate and glad to be a part of that growth. But due to other unrelated reasons I am at a dead end position with this employer for way to long of a wait. So i made the change to stop my marijuana use, and now I need to work on my hard drug use. I am really ready to fully grow up being I am about to be 30 years old here and this can’t go on forever.
Yes, Change can be painful, but failure to change can be just as painful, if not lethal.
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Welcome! I wish you the best on your journey.
Maybe try a zoom meeting till the meetings get back to normal and phone your sponsor weekly a good sober network will help you it did me i went to AA 4 years before you were born still go and still sober wish you well