Starting day one, again

Since I joined this group, a week ago, I cut my drinking down 75%.for 5 days.
I was feeling better in the mornings, and clear headed during the day.
Yesterday I fell off the wagon, completely…BLACKOUT!
This morning, my husband told me all the hurtful things I said to him during my blackout.
I know about AA. Went to the meetings…convinced myself that I don’t have a problem.
I am an alcoholic.
Going to try to quit completely.

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Please do it and don’t try.

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You’re right…try, does not work.

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Trying works as long as you keep trying every hour of every day. But yea, “trying” does have some connotations that could lead some to believe they can give up. How about “doing your best”? That way you still have accountability because you will have to ask the question, was I Really doing my best when I relapsed or slipped? Best of thoughts to you!

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Thank you! My first step is to admit, I have a drinking problem.

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I’m so sorry to hear of your relapse! Recovery can be a two steps forward, one step back process.

In this forum, I’ve read folks talk about the ‘alcoholic voice’. This is the voice in your brain that will tell you that you don’t have a problem. This is also the voice that will tell you can have just one or two, because you have it all ‘under control’ after a period of abstinence.

Start recognizing this voice (it’s a tricky devilish one for me…) and have your plan for addressing it.

AA Meetings and a support group will help you out, too.

Best wishes.

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True about the tricky “voice”. Mine sometimes is silent and I’ll be driving by the gas station and before I know what’s going on, I am getting back in my car with a couple cans of mikes hard. There is no voice, no thought, I just do it and I don’t consent to it. Only then the voice starts talking- “well, you already bought it so you might as well drink it”. Man, i hate that bitch!

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Thank you…(I know that voice can be tricky). Just accepting that I have a drinking problem makes me feel stronger.

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That’s the hardest part…really accepting there is an issue. From here, you can grow and take your power back one day at a time. Welcome to the sober life! :heart:

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Thank you.
Trying to forgive myself for hurting my husband with the awful words I said to him during my blackout

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My advice is at meetings. The best thing to do when someone is sharing is to identify with what they’re saying identify in ways in the emotion behind what they’re saying identify somehow in a story and maybe that was something that you’ve also done. The easiest way 2 convince yourself that you don’t belong there is to identify outward and say well I didn’t drink like that person so I’m not an alcoholic or I’m not as bad as that person so I don’t belong here. Every alcoholic doesn’t drink the exact same way and not every alcoholic has the exact same story, but the one thing we do all have and have all in common is at one point - - - was this deep harrowing feeling of wanting to try to quit drinking but being powerless over the fact that we cannot stop drinking on our own. The people in those rooms have felt the exact same way you have felt and are there to help you listen to the women share and after the meeting go talk to one of them and ask one of them to be your sponsor and call them and work the steps with them and be completely and totally honest with them and things may start looking up. I’ll be praying for you.

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The first step is ADMITTING THAT YOU ARE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL and your LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE… powerless… That word is heavy… A drinking problem is just a problem… It’s bigger than than… Time to get honest with yourself girl

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I know. I just googled and found there are AA meetings, everyday, 5 min from where I live.
Going to see if I can make it tonight.

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Good for you! I went to my first one Tuesday, next one is tomorrow! :slight_smile: I left the first meeting not really sure how I felt about it. I have done a lot of reflecting and that was exactly where I needed to be. It’s uncomfortable at first but that’s where we grow the most! I hope you get to make it to one.

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It’s been many years since I went to AA meeting. This will be a new location for me.

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Ah, welcome back home! :slight_smile:

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Thanks! :slight_smile:

Yessss girl :clap: let me know how it goes!!! A step in the right direction I’m proud of you!!

I am in the same boat today. My husband left town to avoid me. Feeling like a piece of shit. I was doing so good for a while.

Forgiving yourself is so hard. Try to stay busy or do something to be around other people who are smiling has helped me today.