Day 2 in here, day 3 not drinking. So I’ll usually go 3 days without drinking and pretty proud if I go the whole week, been doing that for 28 years. Working on a project out in the sun grafting. Nothing like a beer after a day in the sun with the guys. I realised that wasn’t an option. Later this afternoon, just now, I lost it with a few people, different incidents, because they were being daft. They were disproportionate reactions. I’m angry, not at them, but because I can’t have a beer and they are getting it because of that. Feels like the rest of my day, week and life are just going to boring and without fun. Not much is fun without a beer and stuff seems tolerable if I can have a drink after… Or soon… Worked rigs and sometimes went months without, but it was always the first thing I did when I got back. And most days inbetween. The happy few becoming many and a blackout drunken scumbag being the result… Even writing this helps, but in 10 mins that little happy hope of a drink will just pop in there again… And in half an hour… And knowing I can’t, seems to make it pop in more often, but then I’d be happy if I knew I was, at least in the short term… My mind is screwing with me, tricksy bloody brains!!!
It’s going to be better, easier so to speak. Just keep going one day at a time. Focus on this day only. Chopping it into pieces makes it more easier. Make it houres ore minutes if you need to. Your mind is doing overtime I know, I’ve been there too! That is one of the main reason’s why I quit. Hated that voices in my head arguing when I could drink, how many, were to hide, etc.
I promise you that crowded head will be gone if you have more sober days under your belt!
I’m one year sober now and my head is mine again! Sure I have cravings sometimes but I know what to do when I have them.
I’m not longer irritated that I cannot drink. I’m happy with my healthy sober life and so can you
So, now it’s a war in my head, the wanna be good guy is saying just don’t, and the other side is saying ‘who the f@## do you think you are telling me no!!! No one tells me no, I’ll do it more, try and stop me, see you later!!’ and waves of anger… Like waves, the same wave that hits when someone else says, hey you drink to much, I’m fuming at myself, like I would them!!!
Normally I’d put it off a few days, and then go… That what I’m struggling with… There is no few days until… There can’t be a pretend abstinence. The weekend is gonna be crap. And it’s Monday haha!! But that’s it, the hangover is gone, must be time for more.
Thanks guys… Little wins, break it down. OK… Doing that and about 46 coffees…
AA helped me deal with the hell of not drinking. Sobriety is more than just putting the drink down. It’s about learning a new way to live!
Been there, done that. Haven’t found a t-shirt yet!
Mate, you can win this battle. It’s damn hard but each little battle you win you get stronger.
Start doing other things that will help to change your attitude towards having fun in life. The fun is there. You just gotta think differently about getting there.
Thanks to you all!! , work got busy and got some stuff done so there is that sense of achiement, guys from work all went for that beer, and actually just now, I seem to be over my huff. And went home.
It’s that little devil… That little asshole in my head who gives me the nudge, every 15 mins or so… If the feeling was was a person, it’d be like a sort of hot, cheeky, alluring, really fun, someone, who really needs to tell me some secrets down at the bar, secrets I can’t do without…
Sounds a bit ludicrous, oh well.
Hey Max; I hope you win the fight with the voice that tempts you. I’ve been reading alot of others stories and a similar thread in most, and mine, is that tempting thought. It’s lying; I’ve reset many times but I for sure feel more like myself when I live without drinking. Life before I ever drank, I want to know what that’s like!
Keep fighting bud!
Nope, doesn’t sound ludicrous at all Max!
Donna, Geoff, Thanks, kinda baffling how the brain in my head, the stuff that I’m supposed to run, like ‘I run this company’ , I’m supposed to be the boss of, has a bunch of employees running around inside not doing what the hell their told!! I’d fire em all!! Liars and deceivers and thieves!!
I remember before the booze, I want to know what comes after! If after can really be cool… Looks a bit boring down the road, like all I’m gonna be is a kale eating, wall staring, chorderoy advocator, frantically weaving baskets.
It can definitely be cool! Alcohol does not make you cool, YOU make YOU cool, LOL! Give it a shot, the booze will always be there~!
Sober has actually turned out to be so much cooler than not sober. I have money, and time to do things. I can remember all of the things I am doing. And I laugh, genuine belly laughs. There is so much joy in no longer thinking about my next drink. Last weekend I was the DD for my friends, and laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my face.
It took me a few months, but when my thought process changed from sobriety being a punishment, to sobriety being a gift, my whole life brightened up. A weight was lifted. There is so much positive to be had on a sober path. Find your joy! It’s not always going to be an easy path, but it will definitely be worth it.
I fought this for a long time but it’s not about simply not drinking. That’s the tip of the iceberg. I’m working on turning my whole worldview around.
If your brain wants you to drink, something is wrong. That, itself, is a problem. It means there is work to be done.
Ahem! And what’s wrong with chorderoy?
I know I’ll have to get back in to things, I live half a world away from friends and family, there are going to need to be social adaptations etc etc… I hope to figure that stuff out…
Chorderoy, is clearly for champions, I hear its all the rage in Milan and Paris!!
Brilliantly said and so true.
And the West Midlands UK.
This is what I’m hoping, like a lite feeling, a free feeling, like sitting at a BBQ or something and just enjoying it, enjoying the food. Not - putting off food because food will make me sleepy when I drink, ‘best to just drink haha hohoho!!’ Not feeling I’m going to miss out on fun - Not saying ‘oh I’ll drink more, it will keep me awake until bed time or it will screw up my sleep’. There is always a way to find reasons to drink basically. Feels like there are a million things to say, in summery though, sooo much gets destroyed when I drink, lost phones wallets, smashed walls and slashed paintings I’ve done, I throw away things, important meaningful things, abandon and alienate everyone, say terrible TERRIBLE things… Cause trouble… I’m a foul cruel drunk. (Sober I’m a calming force) I want what you’re talking about. I want out. I want to break out in to a world with colour… Not live in foggy uncertain, fear and black and white and constant weekly reprocussions…
Gave away all my booze today, the house is empty, so that feels cleaner somehow.
Thanks Ninja… Feels good to sorta feel what it will… WILLLLL… Feel like through you… I Appreciate the little light at the end of the end of the tunnel. Thanks!
I know you will one day understand the feeling of not being chained to the booze.
The first few weeks, and months will be really hard. I’m not going to lie to you. Good news though! Every single time you tell yourself and others ‘No’ , you chip away at the relationship you have with your DOC. It does get easier. A few months in was when I was able to really start enjoying the fruits of my labor.
I had 3 beers when I was a year and a half in, a final farewell if you will. I only quit to hit some financial goals, and thought I would try a couple post- financial freedom. Clearly I decided I was completely done with it . I am over 400 days since those 3 beers. Almost 3 years since I decided to change my life, and it was legitimately the best decision I ever made.
It will be the best decision you ever made if you put in the work to make it so. Sobriety is up to you, and no one else is going to do the work for you, but you will always have people here to help you along.
Thanks very much for that… Really appreciated.
Feels bad today, I’m a repeat binge drinker more than a daily type, so feels false, but I guess it’s not false if you’re ruining too much too often.
So the hangover has gone from the weekend fully now and today I had to sit at work, read tons of you guys and spent three hours saying no I won’t. I had to turn the right corners in the car on the way back home, and not turn off to the bars where they all know me and I’ve only lived here 6 months. Personal stuff got me really mad today. And the pull was tangible. I wasn’t going to go to the pub, and I was getting angrier and angrier until I was in a pretty good rage. And I realised, that again, it wasn’t the personal life… Though there are some very stressing things happening there… It was my head trying to reason an excuse to go to the bar… Stress is a great excuse… It wanted me angry enough to give in. Either I’m making this up or I’ve gone mad or some crap.
Day 3. I often go a week without, well not often but certainly 3 or 4 days… Then do it all again. Does that make me a part time kind of pretender?
Plus all this stuff just makes me feel stupid, saying it all out there like I’m some kind of pathetic wimp who should shut up and just get on with it and not bug people. Not saying that of anyone else!!! Pretty sure you’re all right and I’m not… It’s just making me angry… I’m angry and bored and angry… Oh and did I mention bored and angry!!