Ok, so 10 hours since last drink. Feeling tired and want to go buy wine to get my spirit up. Not going to do that. Tomorrow im going to work, and I dont do good at work when I drink the Day before anymore. Just going to lie here in the couch a bit more, drink my coffee. Find the energy and motivation to get some cleaning done in the house. Get all of the empty wine bottles out to the trash, cant have them around and seeing them. A little afraid to bring ALL of them out, if the neighbours see me or hear all the bottles I throw away.
Sooo, yeah, just wanted to write and share a little, will check in a little later again and keep sharing how its going. I think it will help me to write down my days.
Yes. I tried several times before but always fall back. I Just cant drink anymore, have been doing it to long, I have a drinkingproblem. I need to stop for my health, my kids, everything.
Many people have to try on multiple occasions before it sticks. I personally tried and failed 4 or 5 times before I managed to quit the drink. I think a large part of it involves really truly accepting that you can not keep it under control and that it is making your life worse than it needs to be. Once you truly believe that your life will be better without the drink, then it’s easier to stay sober. The beauty of pushing through those hard first 3 months, is that by the end of it you realise that you quickly start accumulating so many good things in life, and the desire to drink slowly fades away. Believe me it’s uncomfortable and it doesn’t feel good in the first few months, but eventually you start to enjoy all the things you used to enjoy sober again.
@Wakikki you’re getting stuck in a rut and I hate to see that happen. You have a great spirit and a lot of energy, you can make this work! But it seems to me you have to give more than you have, as it’s not working so far. Apart from checking in here, what are you doing in your life, your days, your routines and around your specific needs to cement and further your sobriety? What is your game plan?
And last but not least: what led you back to drinking recently and how are you planning to deal with the same triggers when they present themselves again. Cos they will.
Be on your toes and make a plan for yourself. Nothing changes if nothing changes!
I absolutly have to give more! To be honest I dont now what led me Back drinking. I drink for everything, when Im happy, sad, scared, stressed, angry, if its nice outside, if its rainy Day. Feels like everything is a trigger.
Days Just spend at home is hard, and makes it easyer to drink and to drink more. My job have been closed due to Covid, but Im Back to work tomorrow. Thats a good thing, it helps in me not drinking, to have the routine with going to work Back. So Im really glad for this.
I dont have a plan yet, I have to make one. This Is not easy to make.
Ok so the Day is going ok. Was feeling terrible this morning and for some hours. Better now. My head and mind feels tired and wierd. I got some cleaning done, its not my priority today, so only did what had to be done. Been eating good and drinking lots and lots of water. Thrown away some of the wine bottles, still lots left.
I was exactly the same, and I would be exactly the same if I drink…I had to hide loads and loads of empty cans,I literally almost filled a recycling bin…I had to throw the towel in. Admit that I am powerless over alcohol, . insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results…so I stopped doing the same thing…did lots of things differently to support me not drinking, like online meetings, podcasts, reading on TS,you can do this.…admitting that I am an alcoholic/addict notifies my brain that if I pick up,I won’t stop until …
Its crazy how many emtpy bottles I have around the house, embarecing! And when I look att them all togheter, I cant belive I drank all of them! And its even more, because I throw away everyday, but Just 1-2 and leave the rest bescase it looks insane!
I have to do something differently to manage to stay sober, find new things to fill my life with. But I dont know what yet, nothing gives me happiness, everything seems boring.
Only thing I really know is I cant not drink. Not even one. I dont want to drink.
So the first Day is soon coming to an end. Its been a rollercoasterday. Going to clean up for the nigth and preaper for Kids so they are ready for school tomorrow and make ready the coffee so I Just need push the button in the morning. Maybe have some food while watching a little TV. Hoping for a good nigth sleep, So I will be good for work. Sure tomorrow will be a hard Day, going back to work and sobering up.
Yes… I have to make a plan and find support. First days now I just need to get by, the the fog in my head away. Then sit down with my self starting to plan.
Maybe consider doing to meetings, face to face or online, your choice. They help, keep you busy, give you sober connections and provide a framework for your recovery.
I journal. It is generally a wonderful tool to look inward, observe and learn to realise triggers, hidden or silent emotions, important things going on inside. I can only recommend it especially if you don’t know your triggers yet.
I read somewhere and I have to paraphrase so sorry if this sounds lame: it’s not so much about reinventing yourself but finding happiness in the life you do already have.
New things will come, new hobbies, people, a more stable and innovated life. That’s the promise of recovery. But for your wellbeing, the general change is to find appreciation for things, period. If everything’s boring, it means nothing means anything to you, because you’re not letting it, in a way. I hope you can grasp what I’m getting at. You already have beauty in your life. You just have to pay attention to see it. I clearly remember how happy my morning coffee used to make me in early sobriety and how incredibly good it tasted. That hasn’t changed much!
Maybe add a gratitude section to that journal! Wishing you a good and sober day at work!
@Faugxh Yeah maybe doing a journal would be helpfull. I dont feel like I know my triggers. I try think about it, but its like I want to drink whenever. When I finish hard Day at work, when its nice and sunny outside, if I made a hard efford cleaning the house, if Im sad and angry.
Im sure with time I will find that its not all that boring, Im Just used to have alcohol to make life and the day happy and meaningfull (yeah I know, sound so stupid).
Had a night sleep with not waking up serveral times to nigth. Not many hours, so feeling tired. But I guess it will be like this for a little while. Now having my coffee and going to work. For sure I will be exhausted when I get home.
I know exactly what you mean, but it does go away once you do those things w/o it…it has for me anyway. It feels like a no brainer now. And why would I want to do that,
This day have just flew away. It was hard being back at work. Half way through I was thinking ohhh I really want some wine when I get home, sit outside in the sun and enjoy. Now home, I did not buy wine and dont want it atm.
Its been a good day I have to say. But my tougths about having a drink really change a lot as the day goes by. One minutt I want it and the next hour Im like No WAY I dont want it.
Now Im enjoying the sun with a glass of icecold water with lemon. Going to do some cleaning so the house is nice to wake up to in the morning, fold some clothes and have a shower. Hoping for a good nigth sleep (I dont think Im getting that)
I clearly remember how happy my morning coffee used to make me in early sobriety and how incredibly good it tasted. That hasn’t changed much!
