Caught myself going into dissociated state and skin picking. Mind is spinning out and catastrophizing. I know what this means. I’m worried about something(s) and it’s setting off a chain reaction where I start worrying about everything and even start making up things to become worried about.
I started listing out the things it might be and found the one that’s really bothering me the most. Then, I told my partner about it. Then I asked him and his mother to help me with solving this problem. Now they are both working on it, and we’re going to come up with a plan tonight.
I feel so much relief. Just like that a huge cloud hanging over me dissipated. My biggest problem isn’t the actual problem, it’s my perspective, and my unhealthy coping mechanisms.
I just had to ask for help from the people I love and who I trust. And I can bear the discomfort of uncertainty now that I don’t feel alone in it.
Drunk me would keep it all inside, feel like a martyr, sacrifice self care to figure it out on my own, and resent my partner that he didn’t magically figure out what was wrong with me. All while telling myself, well at least I’m independent. Ha!