Staying Sober and living with a Narcissist

I am 21 days sober and live with a narcissist. I am having a hard time dealing no support no help and no praise. Alcohol helped me cope. Now what do I do. Keeping quiet is not my strong suit and it keeps getting worse. Am I alone :pensive:

4 Likes

I am in a similar situation. It’s hard, especially when you have to go through it alone. No friends or family. You can reach out anytime you need someone to talk too🫶🏻

4 Likes

The no support is the hardest. Everyone wants you to be sober but when you finally do they don’t like the person you are becoming. I am sober for me and not them. I guess alcohol made me believe they loved and now I’m not so sure. It’s helpful coming here and knowing I am not alone!

5 Likes

It’s heartbreaking when you need someone to talk too but no one is there. I started journaling all my thoughts and reading a lot as well. It’s helped. It’s better than what I was doing which was drowning myself in alcohol every single day & waking up the next day feeling like absolute crap (and repeating the cycle) until recently, I decided that is not the life I want to live. It’s so hard staying sober but if my life is already hard as it is I’m not going to add to it by drinking every single time I feel alone or my thoughts starts getting to me. I’ve only been sober for 10 days and man is it still hard but I don’t want to give in again to it. It controlled so much of my life that I need to take that control back.

5 Likes

Joining sobriety community would be a big help. You are not alone. I’m in local AA and The Luckiest Club. Glad you are here!

4 Likes

As far as your sobriety you might have to find support on a place like this. If your partner is a narcissist in general you might have to consider if you really want to be with someone like that…

A narcissist adds no value as a partner. In their mind you should be honored to even be dating them.

4 Likes

I left “THE” narcissist long ago. So going through sobriety was pretty much solo. However, find a group that knows what you are going through like @LeeHawk suggested, even if it’s online. My group here on TS got me through it, especially my Zoom peers. It’s pretty much impossible to recover without others. And you just may find yourself growing apart from you narcissist and @SoberGuyUSA may be correct. Without the narcissist and alcohol, my world is 1000 times better!!!

3 Likes

@Dancinqueen you are not alone!

I left my narcissist because he was my biggest cause for drinking and using. He eroded my entire sense of self and my self worth. I quit the drugs but it took me many more years to finally realise that it was alcohol that was my true enemy. It lead to every bad decision I have ever made in life. And it was not letting me heal from my trauma it was just numbing it. Now I am sober I am working on rebuilding my self worth and discovering who I am as a person. It is scary and exciting all at once.

You have to decide if continuing a relationship with this person will help you remain sober or drive you back to drinking. A narcissist will not want you to succeed. They want you weak. They need you to need them and worship them. They enjoy seeing you fail. And they are incapable of providing the support and strength you need to remain sober.

Sending you love and encouragement
Ree :heart:

1 Like