Huge reservations about step 4. Know I need to do it. A lot to unpack in there, and some particularly sinister things. I know I need to do this to survive sober. I am worried about what the person I share the step with will think, if they will tell others or just see me differently. Your experience strength and hope would be appreciated. I heard ignoring step 4 is the rope that hangs addicts and alcoholics.
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Thank you very kindly. If anyone else has any direction on what exactly the step entails that would be nice, my presumption is it’s simply making a list of all those I have harmed and then having the willingness to make amends.
sharing on the 5th step was huge for me, thats when i got feedback from my sponsor on how to process all that shit on the 4th. 5th step opened my eyes to my part in all of it and got me started feeling a lot less like a victim, i felt responsibly empowered, and like i had a chance at being free of those things. previously id just felt like dog shit and thought the same of myself. im at work but ill hit you up later and share a bit more of my experience w it if youd like 
I made 2 lists, pros and cons about myself. I listed the things I like about myself (very short list) and the things I dislike about myself. A lot of demons came out in the second list. The things that drinking buried. That only works as long as I was drunk. Hence the vicious cycle of drunk, sober, guilt, fear, resentment, rage, drunk. No way to live a life actually. The con list contains some hard things to face but I face them and ask God to forgive me. I made amends to the people I love.
That is step 4 the way I see it. You have to go through step 4 in your way but go through it you must. If you try to skip it you will be stuck in the same place that triggers alcoholics to run for their DOC everytime one of those demons rises to the surface. Reach down deep and drag them up, one by one, kicking and screaming into the light of day. Once you face your fears, resentments, or whatever you can then begin to let them go. You can’t do step 5 or 6 without doing step 4.
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I don’t know if this would be helpful…here’s a link and if you scroll to bottom of page you can get free for 14 days and download the worksheets or listen to what step 4 asks for 
How does your sponsor have you doing the 4th Step? Are you making a list of your resentments to start ala Big Book style? That’s the only way I have experience with.
I hate to break the news to you, but you are not the worst person in the world. Even if your confessions were of murder and rape, it isn’t anything that another drunk hasn’t done and hasn’t dealt with via the steps. That isn’t to belittle those things – it is just I have heard people speak in meetings of things they did, and well it provided needed perspective for me (from military men in Vietnam and Afghanistan/Iraq to general street hoodlums to well respected community men). What you have done may be horrible but until we address them, we are going to stay sick and suffering and capable of doing doing even worse things – which scares me more than anything.
If you are truly concerned about the legal ramifications of talking about these things, my suggestion would be to speak to your sponsor about finding someone of the cloth or of the medical profession that can work with you on this. Depending on your jurisdiction, there may be some level of protection with them.
You working out the NA book or the big book?
NA and no rape and murder here just some sick and twisted thoughts and actions.
I wish I could help more, but I only got about halfway through my 4th before I switched to an AA sponsor. I will say even if you had murder and rape you would not be judged.
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Hi,
My sponsor told me… There is nothing you dont know allready just wrote it down allready.
And that is key. Have a sponsor you trust, FULLY.
my sponsor toldnme our bond os founded on unconditional love. Aint that something… I know him les then 170 days butni am trusting him with my soul.
If you can do that with your sponsor you can yell everything. In the end it is your recovery not anybody else’s.
For my step 6 and 7 are the hardrst accepting me fully forgiving my defects… Fck men thsts tough.
Good luck with this one just write it allready!
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